My 18 year old son feels worthless...How can I help him with his depression?

Question

I was a single mother most of his life (until I got married to another man about 4 years ago). He does not know his biological father...his father was alcoholic and abusive, so he's always been out of the picture. I, too, battle with severe depression (which my son has witnessed), and I tend to yell at my son a lot and have little patience with him (even when he was a little boy), but at the same time I've always let him know how much I love him and have had many fun times with him as well (very conflicting). I want the two of us to go to counseling, but he refuses. I love him so much and it tears my heart that I caused his depression and low self esteem. My son is a good kid by social standards (no drugs, no alcohol, polite to others). But, it seems as if he hates me...I love him so much and this is breaking my heart to see my son feel this way. He reminds me a lot like myself when I was his age...low self esteem, non-assertive, and keeps his feelings internal, and even suicidal. ...Please, anyone who can help...I love him more than life itself...I don't know what to do. I just want him to be happy. ...He enlisted in the Navy a few months back, and now is desperately trying to get out before he has to deport for boot camp in October...He said he made a huge mistake to enlist in the first place and was just trying to run away from his problems.

Answer 1

you say that you love him but look back at your actions and you will understand that his dysfunctional life is your fault.

Answer 2

Here's your answer....He can get out of the Navy with a note from his Dr. And he needs to go to the Dr anyway for his depression. So just tell him thats all he has to do is tell the Dr how he's feeling and they will take care of it all. But don't blame yourself for his depression. Its an illness and nothing may have caused it at all. I have had it before and I took medication for about a year and now I am fine. Best of luck!

Answer 3

Seriously what do you expect.

when its "YELLING" and "I LOVE YOU".

you need to be more patient with him, talk to him. go out with him, share things with your son.

If all he saw on you growing up is depression and frustration, imagine what he goes through now on teenage years.

Dont be so harsh and try to fix what you have done.

Answer 4

Hang in there.  Mom's make mistakes and they grow and mature with their children.  Take one day at a time and let go of yesterday.  Today is the day that you can control your emotions and speak considerately to him.  Each day take little steps that will demonstrate your love and care for him...snacks that he enjoys, stop and get a movie to watch together, just take the time to say hi, do his laundry..little things mean alot.  Help him build his confidence about enlisting in the Navy.  Tell him how much you believe in him and will support him.  The navy may be exactly where he will find the joy for life that he so desperately needs.  Hang on and believe because his tomorrow is bright..believe for him.  You may be encouraged by this article I wrote as well.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

Answer 5

My suggestion to you would be maybe write everything your feeling in a letter to him, and give it to him to read. Maybe after he reads it he will come around to wanting to talk about things more.

I think he needs to be honest with the navy and tell them about his depression and why he signed up, and I am sure if they see how depressed he is with the suicidal thoughts, they will not want to take him.

I was discharged from the navy for that very reason (depression) I went through 2 months of boot camp before they discharged me though.

Whatever happens I hope you and your son can communicate better and start working at a better relationship.

Answer 6

Show him what you just wrote here.  It almost made me cry, and I don't know either of you.

Do you belong to a church?

I would sit down with him, and tell him how you feel, and that you really want both of you to do better.

I believe getting into a church, and getting to know God, can really change a person.

Then, I think it's going to take him seeing a change in you.  You mention that you yell at him a lot.  I think that should stop, if you want to really reach him, because a lot of people just tune out, when someone is yelling, or they aren't really listening, because they are planning what to say next.

I think as far as getting out of the Navy, there are dishonorable discharges.  You would have to research it online.

I would think if YOU could find a way for him to get out, you would take a BIG step in helping your relationship with him, though.

Answer 7

Go to counseling, even if you go alone. Tell him that you are doing to make changes in yourself, because you realize that maybe some of your actions have caused him pain, the last thing you ever wanted to do. Talk honestly and openly about how you feel, how you are scared for him, what you see. He needs you to really listen, if he opens up. Not judge, not advise. Just listen. You may hear things you don't want to, it may hurt, because he may blame you. Don't over react, or he will shut down. Just tell him you are sorry, you love him more than anything and never meant to hurt him. He may change his mind about counseling if you speak positively about it and he sees you feeling better.

About the enlistment, I have no honest idea. I had a sister in law who got out, but am not sure about the specifics. If he is indeed very depressed, this may disqualify him anyway, it just needs documented by a doctor.

You sound like a great mom, remember we all make mistakes. The fact that you love him enough and know him well enough to realize the magnitude of the problem is a great first step. As hard as it is, instead of being the guide at this point, be his soft place to land. Best wishes for you both.

Answer 8

Once you enlist, it takes doctors to let you get out. He must have, to the Navy, a good enough reason to get out. He made a mistake is not one of those reasons. You also must live with what you did to your son and him not getting help. He is an adult now. You can't do anything.

Answer 9

Aside from the problem of enlisting, maybe he needs to find some 'things' to be passionate about.  There's no shame in not having a clue what you want at 18.  Perhaps try to encourage him to try new  hobbies, maybe do some volunteer work / charity work, helping others might lift the feeling of worthlessness.  Maybe it seems like he hates you because he feels he is disappointing you.

Perhaps the depression can get him out of the navy obligation.

Hope you find something to improve the situation though.  Good luck.