My 19 year old gf wants a baby!?!?

Question

ok, i know i asked this on another account but i'm asking again because im adding more detail in this question.

heres the deal, she's 19, i'm 25. i'm done with college, i'm an engineer and i made a good amount of money. she's supposed to be starting college in the fall but decided she doesn't want to because she's rather 'have a baby and take care of the baby'. i tell her no that she should go to college and get an education and a good job first. even though, i CAN support both of us even if she's not working.

when i tell her no she whines and even starts crying sometimes and it makes me feel bad. even though we ARE financially stable to have a baby, she's not ready. she always gets into an argument and says 'all her friends have babies except for her and she wants a baby to love and care for'! even her MOTHER and her are talking about babies!

i'm scared that she'll stop taking her birth control and she'll start trying to have a baby without me knowing. it makes me feel bad when she cries and i want her to be happy. what do you think?

Answer 1

Sit down with her and tell her you want a baby (if you do), you just want to wait a bit longer until you feel ready. She clearly will not listen if you say she isn't ready, so I wouldn't mention that at all.

Best of luck

(Just in case, I would keep using condoms and try watching her take the pill)

Answer 2

I think it is really rude that she does not even consider youre feelings! All she cares about is herself when you are the one who is going to be paying for her and the child. She needs to get her education, she is too young.

Answer 3

omg wow.

You should tell her that u arent ready to have this baby.

And she needs 2 b mature about this problem.

I mean if her mother is also talking about this conflict that ure not ready 2 face, then confirm with her mother.

This "baby" is about you and your gf.

There isnt no MOM included in this problem.

So....try and talk to ure gf.

She's not even ure wiife. And i support u 1000% to making her go to college and get an education first.

U seem liike a really good person soo im pretty sure ull make the right choiice. Just try and let ure gf make the right choiice as well.

Hope i helped =]  

Answer 4

Well she needs to be more practical about this. For one thing she should get an education first because that's a priority. It's always good to have 2 parents working (even if you are financially stable) so that the child can have many opportunities as well. And if she has the chance to get an education then she should make full use of that. On top of that you should probably get married before you have any kids.  

Answer 5

First of all, don't you think ya'll should get married first so there is a definite committment?  Second, why can't she have both?  I got pregnant in college and had an 8 month old baby when I was student teaching.  She can have the baby and take classes too.  But to me, more important than choosing school or a baby is to get married and make the committment to each other.  Too many single parents these days.

Answer 6

welll you cant really control her, but i dnt think everything will work out if both of you are not willing to have baby cuz you know it takes both parents to raise a baby (not saying that one parent cant, but two is ideal) if you're afraid about birth control then dont have s*x with her so she knows that you mean business. tell her that a baby is not an accessory that she needs because her friends have it. tell her that she wont be able to hang out with her friends so much if she had a baby also just because you can support her financially doesnt mean she is mature enough sit down and plot out how your life will change with a baby or if she goes to college

Answer 7

I agree with you that your girlfriend isn't ready to be a parent, no matter how much she whines about it- and you would actually be doing both her and yourself a big favor by breaking up with her and forcing her to stand on her own feet for a change. There's no way you can stop her from refusing to use contraception- but you CAN refuse to have s*x with her unless she does, and moreover, make it clear to her that you are not going to tolerate her whining and acting like a spoiled,immature brat anymore. The decision to have a child should be a mutual one made by both partners, and clearly, you have other things on your mind right now besides being a daddy. If you want to advance your own career ( and it certainly sounds like this is the case from the way you worded your question) you should do so. You aren't married to this girl after all, and as such, have no obligation to support her. if she tries to pin a baby on you, then make her get a paternity test to prove that it's yours- you have a legal right to request this prior to paying child support, and you should take advantage of it if and when you need to.

Above all, though, you need to harden your heart about this and put your foot down. Your girlfriend has some lessons she needs to learn about personal responsibility, and she also needs to grow up some and become more mature. Since her mom hasn't taught her these things, it may end up with you being the one who has to do it. It may hurt her some, and she will whine, beg, threaten to kill herself, etc, etc, etc- but don't let her fool you into giving in. Young girls sometimes use tactics like this to manipulate guys into doing things they really regret down the road- and she sounds like she's one of these people. Since when does anyone make a decision to have a baby based on what one's friends are doing?? That alone tells me how immature your girlfriend is, because it means she doesn't know to handle ( or worse, isn't able to) and stand up to peer pressure- which is something you clearly learned how to do long ago and far away. Her refusing to attend college is another sign of immaturity- clearly, she hasn't gotten past the notion that the world owes her a living, because it sounds as though she's always had mom and dad there to take care of her and give her anything she wanted. You putting your foot down and making it clear that either she goes to college, and she doesn't get pregnant, or you are going to leave her will probably change all of that. So much the better- both of you will be better off for it.

Good luck- I hope I helped some.  

Answer 8

arent yooh scared though that if yooh dont give her a child she will break u with yooh and go find a man who will have a baby with her??it is tricky though and i think yooh shouldnt give in as when the baby is older shes going to be sick of stayin in all the time and shel wanna start work but she wont be able to cause she has no experiance so i think yooh hvae to persuade her to go to college first.

Answer 9

She's young and it sound like mom and her want a free ticket in case you split.  Tell her that you want her to go to school for two years and get some type of degree or program certificate.  She needs something for herself, you can all of a sudden become sick and not be able to work.  But that is not saying you will, just for example.  She also needs to be married so that the child will have your name.  Use condoms, because just when you think she's come off of the birth control pills she probably has.   Sit down and talk to her and her mom to work out a plan for her future.  Good Luck

Answer 10

Well first of all she shouldn't be trying to guilt you into having a baby by crying and making you feel bad.You haven't actually said whether you would like to have a baby or not you just said you don't think she is ready.Just in case she does stop taking the pill wear a condom. : )

Answer 11

Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. I'd push for college first because everyone I know that's had a baby never goes back to school like they plan (it does happen, but not as common though).

If she really feels she's ready, then she'll be ready later, too. I'd put it that way to her.

If she's still pushy for it after the talk, maybe evaluate why you're in a relationship with someone that doesnt value how you feel. I'd even cut off s*x all together if I felt she was the type to stop BC without telling me.

*NOTE: I'm a female, I'm basing this on all the girls I've seen that made mistakes. I myself chose college first and it started a good foundation. Now my children (when I have them) will be able to use me as an example and hopefully say "Mom waited until after college, I can wait too"

Answer 12

She sounds very immature and has a lot of growing up to do.  She sounds like she is just looking for something to do and thinks a baby will keep her entertained.   I would step back and take a long hard look at this situation.

Answer 13

I'd be careful here.. she may be looking at your fat wallet and thinking "child support"!  Im not saying all women are like this.. Im not saying that really is your GF's intentions.. but alot of women out there are like that!

She's 19!  She's not ready for a baby.  She really should focus on her schooling while she's still free to do it.. even if she doesnt want to pursue a career right now.  Its always good to have that education.

When I was growing up, my mom had a degree in engineering.. however, she never put that degree to use until I was in high school!  However its good that she had that degree..  my dad was diagnosed with MS about 9 years ago, and now he is unable to work and make the same money he used to.  My mom has since taken over the responsability of working and supporting the 2 of them.

You need to point out to your GF all the "what ifs"..  God forbid you should become disabled.. but it DOES happen!  What if you did become disabled and you no longer had that nice income?  If she had a degree in something, then she would be capable of picking up the slack somewhere to help support your family.

Alot of my friends had babies at a young age..  I saw many of them go thru divorce, custody battles, child support issues, etc.  Many of them just didnt get themselves in good situations before planning kids..  one of my friends lives with her aunt and cousins in a trailer with her 4 kids!  She doesnt even have her own place!

Answer 14

I think she should wait until she's older.She should go to college get a good steady job,and then think about a baby.I would sit her down,and have a talk about all of this and how you feel you shouldn't have a baby just yet.I hope she understands and this helps!

Answer 15

Why push her into something she does not want to do? If you really loved her and cared for her, you would not push college on her. Ask her what she is interested in aside from having a baby, and ask her to pursue that instead. Or tell her that you want to wait a few more years. Not every woman needs or wants a job. It is great that we can even go out and get a job, but it is called a choice. If you are not going to support her choice, then what good are you to her? I understand that you may not feel ready for a baby, so just tell her that. But don't try to push her into something else that she may not want to do.

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Well not everyone wants to go to college and not everyone is up for it. She can make something decent out of her life without college and you certainly do not need to shove it down her throat. If she wants to become a mom and stay at home, then just leave her because it is obviously not what you want. Many women still choose to be at home or grow up aspiring to be great moms and wives. By the way, college guarantees absolutely nothing for someone. The only thing it does guarantee is student loan bills.

Also, you can start telling her in a good way that you do want to have kids, but not yet. If she is crying like that, I bet your are emotionally abusing her telling her things in such a way to MAKE her cry. Be nicer about it. If she were here, I would advise her to leave you though. You do not seem like a nice person. Even if you have the best interests of someone in mind, you still have to say it and show it in a nice way. She deserves better.

Answer 16

O she is young..but I think you should go to her mom and explain how you want her to succeed in life and she can do that by going to school and holding off a little for a baby.

Answer 17

That's tough, I would also want her to to college first as well.

Answer 18

Look tell her she doesn't have to go with the crowd.

But tell her to get a good education.Then get a kid.

You never know God forbid something bad might really happen when she's  pregnant and you can't pay for it.

Answer 19

I'd say break up with her.  You can do better.

Answer 20

Your girlfriend is being quite unfair to you. It may not be intentional , however it's asthough she's using emotional blackmail to some degree.

Maternal instincts in women are common and normal - alot of teens would like to have children even at a young age. However, i agree with you that she should finish collage and have a full education.

No disrespect to you, but she needs to have some form of independance too  - which she will have to work harder for later in life if she doesn't complate training/collage.

Personally, i would sit down with her , and tell her that you just dont feel you both are ready for a child Just explain that although raising children has many rewarding aspects, it's also a very tasking and full on job. If she had a child now, and then 2 years down the line wanted to finish collage, it could cause difficulty in finding childcare and such.  Be prepared for crying - although it's not nice , you have to stand your ground , as you obviously are concerend that she may take matters into her own hands.

Answer 21

with woman all the talk about other having babies and seeing people with babies only wants us to have one more. It really depends on you if you want a baby or not. If you dont want one right now then stick to your guns. If you do then start working on it. you cant just give her a baby just because she wants one. I've never known anyone to stop taking birth control to get pregnant behind your back but I've thought about it with my ex and I would have hurt him and well because we broke up id feel pretty low. have you two sat down and thought about the pros and cons of having a baby? someone shouldnt have a baby because they want one. My boyfriend and I want one because we want to start a family. It all depends on if you two think you have a future together. talk things over with her ask her why she wants to have a baby tell her all your reasons why you dont and maybe things will be better. Good luck to you.  

Answer 22

Dude...tell her your lives will be over if that happens. You two need at least 5 years together running up and down beaches naked...(hard to do with a stroller).

What kind of things does she want to see or do before you need a minivan or four plane tickets to go on vacation a couple of times a year? Go see the world together and then spend the next five years of vacations at Magic Kingdom and birthdays at Chunky Cheese's.

You guys need to be the smart ones and get your lives in order, finances in order and then start a family. No knee jerking allowed because her friends spend the day changing diapers and then she has no energy for awesome s*x anymore when the dad gets home from work..

WAIT - or kick her out for someone a little more mature. More money now or every extra dollar to baby things. Think about it!

Answer 23

I would tell her shes single til she gets her head on straight. To be honest I went threw this when I was almost 18. (not as much as she is)  She is in a hurry to grow up but doesn't understand what growing up means.

Just sit her down and be honest. You don't want a girl in your life not matter what if she can't respect you and your wishes. Even if you can...you shouldn't HAVE to support her with out her working. Let her know your wishes for her and your relationship together. Girls cry because they know it gets them what they want. She won't be happy when shes your age (24 25) with a 4 or 5 year old baby and she missed out on being young.   Talking to her crazy mom would help too. Let her know its important her daughter goes to school before she will even be a mother or a wife.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 24

You're doing the right thing. Education first. Babies later xD.

And if you're scared she's going to try with out you knowing then just wear a condom..?