My 2 yr. old is defiant, rebellious and so disobedient!

Question

My 2 yr. old is definitely going through the terrible 2s even though it started at 11 months! He will NOT listen, he disobeys, is so rebellious. I put him in time out, I get down to his level, look him in the eyes and tell him why it's not ok to do certain things, I spank him, I yell at him :( I don't know what to do! Help!

Answer 1

Don't spank and don't yell, once you start to yell you lose control. First of all, pick and choose your battles, don't expect him to be perfect, that's the mistake I made for a while not realizing that they are little and take some time to get things right.  Second, continue with the time out, consistently for 2 minutes.  Make sure timeout is facing the wall on a step or a chair where he cannot see the TV or anything entertaining.

Answer 2

Try taking something away from him that he really likes. (a favorite toy, book, etc.)  

Answer 3

Are there any really active programs you can sign him up for like baby gymnastics or swimming?  Sounds like your wee one has alot of energy.  Sounds stressful.  Good luck!

Answer 4

Yeah, it sounds like you are fighting with him.  Don't do that.  Just remember, you are in control here (by the way there is NOTHING wrong with spanking, just as long as it is not done in rage - any discipline as long as it's consistent is good discipline).

This boy may need more than time outs.  Just make sure he knows you love him and you are disappointed in his actions.  Then choose a punishment and stick to it (make sure he is NOT happy about it - a spank or a stair for 5minutes or something).  Make sure he apologizes and then you give him a big hug at the end!

My kids are REALLY well behaved and I have a 5, 3 and 1 1/2yr olds.

Answer 5

You're doing what you can. I suggest no yelling. That makes you seem out of control and hysterical and he won't respond well.

Rebellious...not sure if that's the right word....defiant yes.

He's old enough to know he's getting mom's goat. Remain calm and calmly tell him, you know better than that, then a swat, then the corner till he stops crying. Then let him out, and tell him, it will be the same thing and worse next time.

He will listen, just not to you the old way you had...be the rock, be the authority, be the calm guiding force. He is 2! YOU are the MOM.

Answer 6

NEVER spank your child or yell!  This only teaches them that it's ok to hit and scream and it serves absolutely no purpose....other than taking YOUR frustrations out...which I don't have to tell you is unhealthy.

Your child is 2.  His brain hasn't developed to the point that an adults has so you can't expect him to understand the way adults do.

Time outs don't work on 2 year olds' because they're too little to understand.  What you need to do is have A LOT of patience.  Consistency is the key to changing your child's bahaviour.  In other words don't threaten punishment if you're not going to follow through.  That will cause a child to be defiant because you threaten and never follow through so they learn not to listen to you because they know you won't do anything about it.  Here's an example....your in the car on your way to do something fun and your child starts acting up.  You stop the car, turn around in your seat and say to him....if you don't stop, we will go home, do you understand?  If he laughs at you or becomes defiant at that moment, you turn the car around and go home.  If he stops the behaviour for a minute or two and then starts it again.....you turn the car around and go home.....and you go home!!!  If he cries and begs and promises he'll stop....you go home!!!  He needs to understand that his actions caused the disappointment.  I know it's a lot of work but it works.  Hey parenting is a lot of work but it's the most important job you'll ever do.  This example can apply to anything.  Do it consistently with no exceptions for a period of time and your child will begin to understand.  You have to play with him too though and balance it out....afterall, he is a child!  Good Luck!  

Answer 7

OMG im going thru the exact same thing...for the most part I just try and ignore her...and then forgets..thats the only thing that helps me on a daily basis..

Answer 8

I think all toddlers go trough this stage, my daughter was this way too. I would put her in time out, and yell and spank and it didn't work. So now I dont yell, even though it's hard b/c I get so frustraited. I calmly ask her to look at me, I piont to my eyes and makes sue she maintains eye contact, then I piont to my ear, and ask if she can hear me, and she usally nods or says yes, and then I ask her to stop doing what she's doing, and if she doesn't she'll go into time out. And it's as if by some miricle, it works! I never thought it would but it does, and if she disobeys, she goes into time out, which is a corner of my house where the two walls meet and she cannot see the T.V. She does not get out of the corner until she behaves calmly and she says sorry. Then I ask her why I put her there, and she usally tells me why, if she cant, I tell her why and make her repeat it back to me so she understands why she was put there. But usually, she kno0ws why because before I ask her to stop what she is doing I ask if she can hear me ya know? 2 year olds have selective hearing. Now my house is so much more calm. Also reward good behavior. It's hard because when children are being good we tend to overlook it, kind of like let sleeping dogs lie ya know? So when he does something good like pick up his toys, or helps you put the laundy into the dryer, say something like "wow, you are such a good helper, this makes mommy so happy!" Good luck, and I hope this helps.

Answer 9

Spanking and yelling are not appropriate solutions.  He is at the age where time outs are just starting to be understood, so it may take some time.  The more you react to his behaviour, the more fun and rewarding that behaviour will be.  Try to ignore and redirect to appropriate behaviour / activities.  Explain the consequences of action in SIMPLE terms and at his level.

This is normal toddler behaviour, and is a phase that will end someday.

Answer 10

Two year olds do not have the capacity to "listen" or to retain instructions.  What you told him 5 minutes ago is forgotten, because he is only two.  Then you lecture him, which he doesn't understand, you yell and he doesn't understand why and then of all things you HIT the poor child, causing him physical pain and you wonder WHY he doesn't listen to you?  You are supposed to be his mother, you are supposed to be the one who loves and protects him and yet you yell at him, you pontificate and you hit him.  HE is only two years old...HE is behaving as a two year old...YOU are supposed to be an adult...yet YOU are behaving as a two year old yourself.  Why should he listen to you?  It's a wonder he would even trust you.  Would YOU trust someone who hit you?   And to top it all off, you're not consistent.  What do to?  Enroll in parenting classes because you obviously have no clue about children.

Answer 11

Give him a good slap or a spanking. That'll teach him. American parents are to afraid these days that's why their kids turn out rebellious and rude. It works, worked on me and my sister, we turned out great as people.