My 25 year old niece has no interest in her baby and I want to raise him.

Question

It isn't that I want another child, but I do love him and I would care for him. I have 2 sons already. One is 17 and the other 7. My niece has 2 kids from her first marriage, and while going through a divorce..(out partying) she got pregnant with a 3rd that she didn't want, but was talked into keeping from the father. The baby's father died when he was 3 months old. He is 6 months old now. My niece only wants to party. She wasn't in love with the baby's father. She has already been out dating several other men, which is fine, and that is her choice, but she makes these comments that concern me. Like last night we all met for her birthday and I was keeping the baby so she could go out clubbing after, which I do pretty much on a weekly basis because I don't let him get in the car with her after she has been drinking, he spends the night at my house when she goes out, which is a lot. Anyway, last night I was hugging and kissing on the baby and I said "I'm just gonna keep you all to myself"...joking around like baby talk to the baby and my niece said "Keep him!" The guy that she had with her last night looked at her kind of strange and I guess he couldn't help it but he said "No...that's not right". And I didn't make an issue out of it. But she is constantly making these remarks and basically her life consists of who can be her next baby sitter so she can go out. She gets this check now, which is from the father dying. I know she wouldn't get it anymore if she didn't have the baby, so I need to know a way to ask her if I can just keep the baby, without her having to worry about losing the money. I mean, I would love part of that money to go into an account for the baby for when he gets older, but right now, he just needs someone to love him. Sorry so long.

Answer 1

i would talk to her during the day when she isn't doing anything else. ask her if she would be willing to sign them over to you. tell her that you will be gald to take on the responsibilty of raising her kids because right now, she isn't doing it. i would definitly do something in a legal way though, if you can . because she can come back at anytime and get those kids if not. and that would be worse for the children. to be loved and cared for by you, then snatched back by her, when she has a couple sober days,the question is: is she going through something, or do you think that she will continue this behavior? if you think she will continue, you should push it. and keep pushing it. the problem with calling dcfs is, what can they really prove she is doing? yeah, she partys alot and leaves her kids, but she leaves them with you. in the enviroment of a caring and responsible adult. so i don't think you will get anywhere unless she is driving drunk with them, or partying with them all the time at home etc. that would be a dangerous enviroment for any age of child. from what i have ever seen, this will continue. i had a couple of friends this way that chose partying over their kids. they gave them up, and here it is 5 years later and they are still without a place to live, on the run continually and still partying. it wouldn't be fair to you or the child for you to take him, then she change her mind. get something legal.

Answer 2

I would wait until she is sober and in a good mood and talk to her without being judgemental or anything and just tell her that if she is serious about giving the baby up that you would take him. Just in my opinion PLEASE make sure that you have legal papers drawn up because it is sooo hard when you have a child even a few weeks and the parents come back and get them. I have had that happen twice and it was heartbreaking both times. Good Luck and just do the best that you can. I hope it helps.

Bethany

Answer 3

It sounds to me like your niece is a bad parent, if all she is doing is partying and not caring for her children. My advice is report her to chld services for neglect and get custody of all her children.  It's better for the children's safety and wellbeing.

Answer 4

I agree, you should try to get custody of her kids. She is obviously not ready to be a parent and is so irresponsible. Why should she get the money? And why should you have to worry about her getting the money if she doesn't have the baby? If the money is coming from the government, I would think it would follow the baby, and you can set up an account for him. This baby is NOT getting the love he needs from his mother. Who knows how she treats him when you are not around. Maybe she just neglects him and lets him cry or just doesn't pay any attention to him. It doesn't sound like she would have a problem signing over her parental rights. This baby needs your love on a permanent basis.

Answer 5

I think you should say that you've really thought it over a lot (and talked to your husband if that applies) and would LOVE it ifthe baby could stay with you more permanently.  Then ask if she would be interested in letting the baby stay with you instead of you just babysitting.  I'd make it clear you don't want to adopt it or anything - I'd reassure her saying, afterall it's always her baby.  But that you've just fallen in lvoe with them and thought it would give her the space she needs so that when she has time she could visit - or whatever she wants.  I'd also say things like: I can afford to look after another baby, just about.

I most certainly woldn't mention getting the money and would try to let her know without comign right out with it that she can keep the money.  Because, once the child is living with you for a while, at that point you can maybe try to gain full custody.  Perhaps at that stage, you can get the checks for the baby's future.  If they are until the baby is 18 or 21 then what's a few years at most if it can rescue the poor wee thing.  And who knows, perhaps she will get her life together and you could help mediate them building a great relationship - idealistic but it does happen.  Anyway, if I were you I really would carefully consider a few scenarios and then go see a family law lawyer for advice about future prospects of adoption/guardianship if you can manage to have the baby come live with you.  I think you're a great heart for wanting to do this by the way and I'm sorry for your family that your neice is a bit messed up.  

Answer 6

I think that since she is out partying all the time you could actually get custody of him without even bringing up the issue. if she doesn't care then she wouldn't notice. Just gradually let your nephew stay at your night on weekends then on school nights and then bring mroe and more things to his house and make it seem like its convenient for you. Then before ou know it he will live with you and the rest is just a formailty. Say hey you know Johnny practically spends every night at my house how about you let him live with me. this way she doesnt think you trying to maliciously steal her child or her money. And then when you have him you can ask for money for necessities and she shouldnt have a problem because she can do all the parenting she want. getting government officials involved can cause bad blood between you two and it doesnt seem like she mistreats him. She just isnt interested in having children right now and maybe that will change later.  

Answer 7

this is a really complicated issue but if you think that this is the right thing for the child then you should to talk to her about it. it will be quite an uncomfortable situation to bring up so i suggest that you do it in the most sensitive way. it sounds like this kid really needs a better home and it also sounds like you can take care of this baby. the best advice i can try to give is talk to her.  

Answer 8

What about her other kids?

Answer 9

I wouldn't just be worried about the baby, but about all of her children. It sounds like they all need a mother who will give them the attention they need. I'm not sure if you would be willing to do that, but that's what it sounds like to me. I would just have a set time to actually talk to her about it. Don't get in her face and call her a bad mom and a bad person, try to find a way to say that you understand she has a busy life and maybe it would be easier for her not to have the responsibility of the children and you would be happy to take on that responsibility.

If she doesn't agree, than definately call CPS. The children are in a destructive environment.