My 3 1/2 year old is scared to p**p in the toilet - help?

Question

My 3 1/2 yeare old is scared to p**p in the toilet. He pees, but he just lifts the lid to pee.

we have tried everything we can think of, bribes (from chocolate, toys, books, stickers, outings, etc ...) to discipline when he poops in his undies.

He starts school this September and I am scared that he will do it at school and be harrassed.

He has told me that he is scared when flushing, so I told him "don't flush" call me or Daddy or teacher...but still no luck.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Answer 1

My daughter was the same. She would pee in the toilet, but poo she wouldnt. She used to either do it in her pants or put on a nappy herself, or hold it so she had a tummy ache and I put a nappy on her just to stop her being in pain.

We used the technique of a chart. If she pooped a tiny bit on the toilet she got 2 stars. did a proper one, she got 5 stars. She would loose stars if she did it in nappy or her undies. 20 starts and she could get her fairy lights in her room (we had them here and showed her daily and she really wanted them up) Eventually she began doing it. She was almost 4. Now we have no issues with her and she is 4 and a half, uses no nappys at all.

And as osan said, that as well as a step :)

Answer 2

Two things: first off, try flushing the toilet and saying "bye bye!" to whatever's in there...my kids got a kick outta that when they first started out (that and going "Whooosh! And they'rrrrre OFF!")..

Second: he might feel better to put a bit of toilet paper in there first...lay it in there flat so the p**p won't splash his bottom! Kids are strange sometimes. If you do like that for him, he may decide it's ok to p**p in there!

Answer 3

Try buying him a little kid potty training chair. He will not have to worry about it flushing.

Answer 4

Tell him the next time he needs to go that you'll stay there with him, just for that time and show him that there's nothing to be scared of. Explain to him that the noise is just the water and i know it's not nice but you'll have to tell him that you and daddy use it all the time. Use a little back wards phycology, ask him does he not want to grow up to be a big boy like everyone else, he'll say yes, then say somethin like well going to the toilet in your pants isn't being a big boy but if you want to stay being a baby" I know it sounds a bit harsh but it just might work, if you'd like to tone it down a bit.

Answer 5

They sometimes are scared of falling in the toilet and that's why there is a adaptable smaller sitting for kids ,have you tried that?.

Take care

Answer 6

DO NOT discipline him for this.  Take the p**p and together put it in the toilet.  Talk about it going down.  This is where p**p goes....  Let him get a close up look at the hole that it goes down show him how small it is.  Assure him he wont go down the hole.  Share your bathroom time with him.  When you go talk about it with him in there.  Your pushing it out it fell in the water.....  Gross but worked for us.  GL

Answer 7

After he begins to use the potty, it is normal to have accidents and for him to regress or relapse at times and refuse to use the potty. The process of being fully potty trained, with your child recognizing when he has to go to the potty, physically goes to the bathroom and pulls down his pants, urinates or has a bowel movement in the potty, and dresses himself, can take time, often up to three to six months for most children. Having accidents or occasionally refusing to use the potty is normal and not considered resistance.

While it is recommended that you don't insist that he sits on the potty and you should be prepared to delay training if he shows resistance, at some point if his resistance to using the potty persists, especially after he is 3 -3 1/2 years old, then you should consider him resistant to potty training and you will need to change your methods.

Potty training resistance usually occurs because your child has had a bad experience at some point during potty training, especially if he was started before he was intellectually or psycholgoically ready. Other times, especially with strong willed or stubborn children, it may have nothing to do with your technique or timing, and you may have done nothing wrong.

Reasons for developing a resistance to potty training can include:

--being scared to sit on the potty chair

--flushing the toilet may have scared him from wanting to sit on the toilet

--being pushed too early or fast before he was ready

--severe punishment for not using the potty or being forced to sit on the potty

--inconsistant training, especially among different caregivers

--he may have had a painful bowel movement from being constipated. If this is the case, treat his constipation and wait until he is having regular, soft bowel movements before you begin training again

--or he may just be stubborn and is involved in a power struggle with his parents and is using his control over where he has a bowel movement

--he may enjoy the negative attention he gets from not using the potty or from having accidents

--although rare, there are medical conditions that can make it difficult for your child to hold in or delay urinating or having a bowel movement. Discuss with your Pediatrician if there are any medical reasons why you may be having a hard time teaching your child to use potty, especially if he seems to have other delays in his development.

At this point, if your child is totally resistant to being potty trained, then it is best to just make him responsible for when he wants to use the toilet. This includes not punishing him for mistakes and not reminding him to use the potty. If he seems fearful, you can try and discuss calmly what it is about using the potty that scares him.

While you may get a lot of negative feedback from friends or family members about not being more aggressive with getting your child potty trained, you should be firm and let them know that you are working on it and remind them that not all children potty train at the same time.

In addition, it can be helpful if you:

--establish a reward or incentive for using the potty. This should include lots of praise and attention when he uses the potty. It can also include a star or reward chart on which you child can place stickers whenever he uses the potty. After a certain number of days that he has stickers, then he can get a reward, such as toy, etc.

--have your child be involved in changing himself when he wets or soils himself. This can include getting a new diaper, taking the dirty diaper off, cleaning himself (although he will probably need help after bowel movements), and throwing the dirty diaper away.

--At some point you can change him into regular underware. You can talk about it beforehand and maybe have a ceremony where he throws away the left over diapers or you may just decide not to buy any new ones. Now, when he does wet or soil himself, you can have him help to clean out his underware in the sink or bathtub. You may even have him put them in the washing machine and wait with you while they are getting washed and dried. He should then dress himself. This method is not for everyone, but is usually very effective. You can also have him clean up after himself if he wet or soiled the floor.

--Limit him to having BMs in the bathroom. This isn't always possible, but is easy if he always asks for a diaper just to have a bowel movement. Next, have him sit on the potty to have a bowel movement, even if he continues to wear his diaper. Then work on getting his diaper off by opening it and eventually taking it off. During this process, you should give lots of praise and rewards during each step.

--If he is having a hard time learning to use the potty, but isn't necessarily resistant to the idea, then developing a regular daily routine of sitting on the potty for five or ten minutes every few hours may be helpful.

--Most importantly, avoid physical punishment for not using the potty, even in an older child. It can be appropriate to verbally let him know that you disapprove of his not using the potty, but this should not get to the point of yelling, shaming or nagging.