My 3 1/2 year old refuses to p**p on the toilet- i am at my end! please, advice?

Question

He goes potty on the tiolet, but poops in his underwear. we have tried positive reinforcement up the ying yang. i have gotten so desperate- i have tried taking a nickel from his "nickel jar" when he goes in his pants, i swear nothing works! (his jar gets a nickel when he goes potty on the toilet and two if he poops- when it's full, he goes to toys r us(we just went there). his 2 1/2 year old sister poops on the toilet without being asked! he's not scared or mad- he simply leaves the room and does it. if i stay with him, he does it after he goes to bed! please- anyone else who found a good way to fix this? i have four kids and usually comfort people by saying no kindergartner goes to school in diapers, but, man, i'm not sure! he's super smart- i just don't get it!

Answer 1

well put it this way..my brother would NOT p**p or pee on the potty till he was 4 1/2! She also tried EVERYTHING! my mom eventually GAVE UP on positive reinforcement and HAD NO CHOICE but to try something different. She eventually got the attitude that he did. he didnt care that he wouldnt go p**p on the potty, SO she stopped caring. Because he realized " as soon as i p**p in my underwear, mommy or daddy will simply give me a bath and give me new underwear" so to them its no big deal. But to us it makes us want to pull our hair out! so when he would p**p in his underwear..he would come tell us and we would say okay..go sit back down and watch TV. He automatically started to cry and we just ignored him. after about 2-3 minutes of letting him cry..we would simply say.."its nasty to have poo poo in your underwear isnt it?" then after talking about it for another minute or 2 hes dying to take a bath so thats when you change him. after only 2 more times..he would run in and tell us he had to p**p! just try to make him realize that its uncomfortable and doesnt feel good. because hes so used to you changing him right after he does it. its just like a cloth diaper. anyway good luck!

Answer 2

He's going to fight this battle as long as you do -- and he's going to keep winning because he has control of his bowels, not you. Take some time off. Put him back in pull-ups or training pants if you have to, but stop making an issue out of it.  Praise him if he uses the potty, but give up the nickel jar, the rewards, all if it.

Give it some time. He'll probably come around when he realizes there isn't a fight left to fight.

Answer 3

My DR told me that boys usually have a harder time going p**p in the toilet, but doesn't know why.

She suggested to me to put the p**p in the toilet and make my kid sit on there so he knows the smell and whatnot. I know it doesn't sound the prettiest, but it makes sense. My son is also 16mths, but I figure it can't hurt.

Also, someone had a good idea with this early. She said her in-law/brother used to make the kid run around with no diaper and pants, and the kid didn't like being naked, first. Second, they'd make the kid clean up the whole mess, and he didn't like that either. So, I think that's also a good idea. I tried it with my daughter last night (2.5yrs), and she ran to the potty and used that instead of the floor! :) Thank GOD!

Best wishes. Sorry. I know its nervewracking.

Answer 4

Dear Friend,

You can get him to go to potty by buying him one of those gorgeous "boy pottys" made up like a chair with little handles decorated with stickers etc and tell him that he will get the cash whenever he poops in there.

You can even try the musical potty.

Tell him it is his potty only. ok?

Don't fight or scold him...just relax.

It's going to take time he will still continue to do elsewhere.

After a week of nothing...tell him you will give it to his sister.

Simple?

Let's see his reaction...

(Click link below for beautiful pottys for him)

There are also videos and training kits etc

Take Care Mom (It's only for a while)

Angel doll

Answer 5

I think you are just going to have to hold out.  When he poops his pants, don't make an issue out of it at all.  Change him and clean him up.  Stay calm and try not to look too angry or upset and then tell him, "You need to go p**p in the potty and not in your pants John." (whatever your son's name is;).  When he does go in the potty, make a very big deal out of it and praise him a great deal.  It is stressful and frustrating, not to mention messy, but he will run out of reasons for pooping in his pants eventually.  Best of luck.