My 3 1/2 yr old son hurts others with no regard for their feelings.?

Question

Is this normal? I asked my pediatrician and he said he's 3. But when I watch him with other kids he always seems to be "the bully." He will hit someone with a bat accidently and when they are screaming because they are hurt, he is laughing with a smile on his face. It's as if he has no clue that they are hurt or don't like what he is doing. Is this normal for a 3 year old?

Answer 1

My brother was like that, he use to get into fights. He was also know the bully of the school when he was around 5 or 6. It is completely normal, now my brother is 15 and he is a whole different person. People will change and you can make that change for your son.

Answer 2

Play close attention to the answer from the following person.  B.L.S. - Director of an early learning center  (Write2LoveU's).  That is a great answer in my opinion.

Yes, this tends to be something we see with 3 year olds. They tend to be quite impulsive.  But please please please! This doesn't mean that it is acceptable and you should ignore it.  

I also agree with the not making your child say "I'm sorry".  We've just recently come across that with one of the children I care for as well. He turned 3 in Dec.  At home it seems that they are telling him to say "sorry"...but here he hits someone...or whaps them on the head with a toy and then says I'm sorry with a smile on his face and off he goes like everything is okay.  Making that child say I'm sorry backfired for that family.  Now we have another situation to deal with.

You may wish to find some books from the library that you can read with him that will be jumping boards to conversations regarding his choices.   I have used pictures as jumping boards as well with children in my care.  I provide pictures of an appropiate behavior and an inappropiate behavior and we sort them and discuss them.  Usually at 3.5 yrs they can grasp what you are saying.  Good luck!  As a parent I empathize with you.  It can be frusterating and embarassing when our child does things like this.

Answer 3

maybe he just doesnt understand the consequences of his actions just yet. Its not that he is the bully, he just doesnt have a full understanding that he is actually causing harm as he hasnt experienced it himself maybe ?

x

Answer 4

teach that is not right or go see a childhood psycologist

Answer 5

who ever is telling you that this is normal they are not normal. I'm a preschool teacher and if a child like that hits for more than one time and will not stop after a few times he will be asked to leave the school. the only thing that you can do to help your child is to talk to him when he hit the other children. you have to have a serious face and don't be nice talking to him he needs to know that this kind of behavior is not allowed and give him consequences for his actions. like take away a toy or don't let him watch TV for some time. and a very important thing is to tell him how proud are you when he does the right thing and be nice to his friends.

Answer 6

This is "normal" behavior, however, don't mistake normal for acceptable.  Your child, and all children of this age need to learn empathy.  When an incident occurs, do you yell at him or scold him?  This might give you relief, however, it will do little to help your son.  First, concentrate on the child that is hurt.  Comfort him, acknowledge his pain slight as it might be.  Then, address your son by pointing out how his action caused pain to another.  "When you hit Jonnie it hurt him."  Jonnie does not like it when you hurt him."  Next, DON'T tell your child to "Say you're sorry!"  Most of the time their act was intentional.  Making them say I'm sorry is useless and can lead to more problems, i.e. "I can hit anyone I please and all I have to say is 'I'm sorry.' "  A better approach is to ask your child if there is something he can do to make Jonnie feel better.  Another mistake is to expect the injured child to accept an apology, hug, or other display of remorse.  The other child might not want the child anywhere near him.  This is another opportunity to teach your child that his actions have consequences.  "Jonnie is still sad that you hit him.  He does not want to talk to you right now.  Maybe you two can talk later."  In most instances, the incident will be forgotten/forgiven by both parties in a relatively short period of time.  Consistency on your part is the key to quashing undesirable behavior.

B.L.S. - Director of an early learning center

Answer 7

Yeah I'm sure it's normal. Kids laugh at lots of stuff. He probably just thinks it's like a cartoon or something. Probably when something like that happens to him and he gets laughed at, he won't do it anymore.

Answer 8

it's normal, and is probably just a phase. my sister went through that, and is now the sweetest kid on the block! let nature take is course! :  )

Answer 9

No. It isn't normal at all! The heart of a three-year-old should bloom with wonder and innocence, instead of pleasure at watching other's pains. He is a bit distracted. Get him professional counseling, and be quick about that, too.

Answer 10

Hello,

          I know this really worries you, I have been in a similiar situation. They say hindsight is 20/20, and if I had to do it over again with my son I would take him to a childhood therapist for help..Im not saying there is anything mentally wrong, they just could give you very good behavior plans to help with his acting out.

Good luck and hang in there

Answer 11

This child needs to have consistent consequences for his actions. He needs to also tell the children that are hurt he is sorry. Always give the hurt child, even though they are not yours, the most attention when they are hurt and then tell your son he can not play or be with the children for awhile. Tell him that it is not funny and and that he hurt the other child. He wants to be a good boy and he wants to have limits, give them to him. If this does not help seek some professional advice from someone who can observe your child.

Answer 12

IN TODAY'S SOCIETY, IT SEEMS EVERYONE PREDICTS WHAT THEY FEEL IS OR IS NOT NORMAL SO WE WILL PUT THAT STATEMENT ASIDE AND WORK ON THE BEHAVIOR. YOUR SON MAY OR MAY NOT UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS HURTING OTHERS BUT IF IT IS YOUR DESIRE TO CORRECT HIS ACTIONS THEN YOU MUST DO SO IN A WAY THAT HE DOES. TRY ROLE PLAYING. PUT HIM IN SITUATIONS THAT SOMEONE CAN GET HURT AND TEACH HIM WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG. FOR INSTANCE. TAKE HIM OUT IN THE YARD AND  ASK HIM TO HIT YOU WITH A BAT AND YOU PRETEND TO REALLY BE HURT. HE LOVES YOU AND HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO BE HURT. DO THE "CRY" AND ALL!!! ASK HIM WHY DID HE HIT YOU SO HARD OR WHY IS HE TRYING TO HURT YOU? SEE WHAT HIS RESPONSE IS. IF HE LAUGHS THEN YOU MUST CONTINUE IN THAT "CRYING" VOICE UNTIL IT DOES NOT SEEM FUNNY TO HIM ANYMORE AND ALLOW HIM TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THE FEELINGS OF YOU BEING HURT AND HIM BEING THE ONE WHO HURT YOU. EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT HURTING YOU  OR OTHERS FEEL LIKE. ASK HIM DOES HE WANT OTHERS TO HURT HIM AND MAKE HIM CRY LIKE THAT. IF HE REACTS SORROWFUL WHEN HE HITS YOU WITH THE BAT, THEN YOU BEGIN TO TEACH ON THAT REACTION. TELL HIM THAT'S HOW BILLY OR TOMMY FEELS WHEN HE HURTS THEM. THAT'S THE REASON THEY CRY. TEACH HIM THAT IF SOMEONE IS HURT OR CRIES FROM SOMETHING HE DID, HE SHOULD SAY HE IS SORRY AND NOT PLAY SO ROUGH OR HIT SO HARD BECAUSE DADDY WANTS HIM TO BE A GOOD BOY AND NOT HURT ANYONE BECAUSE DADDY DOES NOT WANT ANYONE TO HURT HIM.