My 3 year old is out of control what can i do to get him to listen to me?

Question

my 3 year old son will not listen to me when i call him he ignores me or when he does something bad he laughs in my face , bed time is the worst he will act like im not even talking to him he gets out of bed and does what he wants the only time he listens is when i tell him that im calling his dad or that his dad is coming but the only problem is his dad is in jail what can i do to get him to listen without spanking him????

Answer 1

Find a consequence he does NOT like and USE it EVERY TIME. Consistancy is key. If you do it four times, and not the fifth he'll pick up on it and realize you don't always do what you say you're going to do.

For bedtime get into a routine that works for you and works for him.

My kids like warnings. I let them know 30 minutes to bedtime! Then 15 mins prior I set a timer. When the timer goes off I set it again for 6 minutes and its a race to see if you can get jammies on and teeth brushed, and into bed before the timer goes off. If you do you get two stories, if not only one.

Read a couple books in bed , tuck him in and say goodnight. then turn out the lights and shut the door.

(My cousin recently installed a latch lock on the outside of her 2 yr old sons door because he would wander out of his room at night and she feared for his safety should they not hear him get up. This kept him safe in his room)

If thats not something you want to do....when he gets out of bed pick him up and put him back into bed-- but do NOT say a word. If you talk to him, scold him, beg him, or bribe him....its attention. Just put him back to bed as many times as it takes. This might be H.E.L.L. for a few days but the end result is SOOOO worth it!!!!

This works the same for other behaviors you want to change.

When you tell him to do something...tell him once. If he doesn't repsond say "I'm speaking to you. I'd like you to put your cup in the sink please! If you continue to ignore me I'm going to put you in time out for 3 minutes!" If he continues to ignore you walk over pick him up and put him in timeout.Explain to him why he's in time out ("You're in time out for three minutes because you ignored mommy/hit mommy/whatever")  If he gets up put him back...over and over again if you have to. Again this will take time...you're comletely reshaping the way he thinks about bad behaviors and what moms really going to do about them.

NEVER threaten something you can't follow through on. Kids, even that young, are smart. They'll figure out that you aren't really going to do what you say and they'll run with that.

ALSO POSITIVE RE ENFORCEMENT is key. When he does something the right way PRAISE him to the ultimate. When he stays in bed, comes when you call him, helps out praise him and thank him with lots of hugs and kisses and smiles and encouraging

If his negative actions get little attention and his postive actions get tons of attention he'll learn that being good gets him further than being naughty.

Things like sticker charts help with this. For every good deed he does he can  put a sticker on his own chart and when he gets 5 he gets something fun like special dessert at dinner, or a video with mom, a trip to a park...something like that.

Be consistant and good luck!! You can do this!!

Answer 2

I'M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY THIS CAUSE I TOO AM A SINGLE MOTHER BUT IF YOU SPANK HIM JUST ENOUGH TO SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE THE PARENT THEN HE'LL KNOW YOU ARE SERIOUS AND YOU DESERVE RESPECT.MY 2 YEAR OLD TRYS ME TOO BUT HE KNOWS THAT IF I HAVE TO I WILL SPANK HIM.HE'S ALREADY MADE UP IN HIS MIND NOT TO OBEY YOU,IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW BEFORE IT GOES TOO FAR.YOU JUST HAVE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN,IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

Answer 3

This is your son TESTING his boundaries. You can discuss with him (briefly - as he is only 3) what he is doing wrong and what you expect of him. As for bed - let him get up (after you've discussed that it is not what you want) and then sit in the doorway (not facing him) until he goes to sleep in bed, or falls asleep playing on the floor (my son has done that). This way - you are preventing him from leaving the room, you've told him what to do and you are there - but NOT talking to him. Other times, you need to 'punish' him in some way. By saying "ok - I've asked you once, If I have to ask you again, then there will be no dessert tonight' - (something like that) and FOLLOWTHROUGH ! Thats key!!!! When you do not give dessert remind him why "you did not come when I called you today, or when I gave you a final warning". This worked well with my daughter.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

He is three years old...he isn't going to listen to you and threatening to call his dad is ridiculous because he is going to figure out that dad isn't coming.  You have to get un lazy and start disciplining your son on your own but first you have to realize that his is ONLY three.  He isn't a mineature adult he is a toddler and is going to behave like a three year old.  Everything you told him five minutes ago has been forgotten and you have to tell him the same things over and over and over until his little mind can assimilated the information.  If he doesn't come when you call him you GO GET HIM.  When he misbehaves don't make a major issue out of it but when he does behave heap on the praise.  Give him FAR more attention when he behaves than you give him when he misbehaves.  He is looking for attention and negative attention is still attention in his eyes.   As far as bed time goes.  Go through the routine, Bath, tooth brushing, hair brushing, jammies, story then lights out.  Turn OFF the television at least a half hour before you start the routine...in fact don't let him watch a lot of television period.  Some kids are just full of energy and get up to play, as long as he doesn't leave his room (try putting up a child gate in his door way or getting special k**b covers for the inside of his door so he can't open it from the inside and if he gets up to play let him.  You can get a one way audio monitor for his room so that you can listen and know he is fine.  I have two nephews who would get up in the middle of the night to play.  Their parents would often find them fast asleep on the bedroom carpet.

Answer 5

I don't believe in spanking - hitting begets hitting and I don't believe in hitting the ones I LOVE.  My son is VERY stubborn sometimes and does similar things that you described.  What works for us is me telling my son "either you can do X and I will take you/it and do X."  

For example if he is fighting me to get dressed when he usually cooperates, I say "either you can come over her and help me get you dressed or I will bring you over here and dress you."  He doesn't like me doing it so HE chooses the easier route.

Another one is when I want something he has or I want him to put something back.  "You can either put it away for me, or I will come and take it from you and put it away myself."

Sometimes my son ignores me to, so I get in between what he is focused on, get to his level and talk to him.

Don't threaten Dad especially if you can't follow through.  He will pickj up on the and that method won't work anymore.

He may be acting out b/c dad isn't there and he just wants more attention.  More positive attention, hugs, cuddle time, etc.  

Check out these books for more info and support:

*Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate

*The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears

*Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear

*The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old

Answer 6

My daughter is almost 3, and she does things like that. It's just the age. They want to have some sense of control over their environment. Give him some things to be in charge of, and more choices to make on his own, like choosing between outfits to wear, choosing what snack to eat, and making him feel his opinions matter, by asking what he thinks about things.

Telling him you'll call his dad will only lead to him not respecting you or taking you seriously.

Your word needs to be just as important as his dad's..

Please check out the Yahoo group 'No More Spanking'. They offer wonderful suggestions for gentle discipline.