My 3 year old son is at nursery and i have noticed he plays on his own alot is this ok for his age?

Question

i have spoken to his teacher who says when they get to 4 they seem to play with others. i have noticed a few of the children saying he can't play or when he tries to join in they either push him away or run away from him. this is a recent thing maybe started about a week ago,but for the last few days his been saying that he doesn't want to go to nursery.This is unusual as up untill about a week ago he bugged me all morning saying "come on mum lets go to school". I get the feeling from his teacher when i go in and raise my concerns that im being a pest. should i go and speak to the teacher or see how things go?

Answer 1

I used to run a in home daycare and always felt very open to any concerns a parent expressed.

Remember,

First of all the Teacher is technically employed by YOU, you pay them to be attentive to the emotional,physical well being of your child.

You are entrusting them with the care of your child, which is an awesome responsibility, that requires alot of mutual respect and trust.

If the teacher is acting as if you are a "pest", then perhaps they need a reminder that your child's well being IS there job when they are at the Nursery.

If they have "better" things to do then perhaps they need to find another job or you need to find another caregiver.

It doesn't matter what the teacher views as "normal" every child is different and your child is expressing distress.

You and the teacher need to find out "why" and find a solution.

As for playing alone...children do go through stages where they want to have quiet play alone and it is a creative self soothing time. Nothing wrong with that.

But if your child is attempting to engage with the other children and is getting snubbed then it is the teachers responsibility to "teach" the other children about basic manners and sharing. Encourage the other children and your child to play together.

I would ask the teacher if you could stay and observe what is going on > (preferably without your child being able to see you) and try to determine what is going on.

Talk these issues out with you child and see if they can give you any insight .even young children are amazingly able to express themselves, if you listen patiently.

On the same hand ever child does

have some level of separation anxiety when they start pre-school or nursery school and sometimes it is good to recognize that they can work through this over a few days or weeks.

But the best way to make the transition is with the child feeling "safe" emotionally once you are gone.

With a teacher as their surrogate "mommy or daddy", if your caregiver is acting like this is just a "business' then maybe you need to look around.

Peace

ps. also a few surprise visits could be helpful as well . if you can't do it then see if another family member can.

Answer 2

He might just be quiet, and prefer playing pretend on his own, that's what I was like.

The other kids, on seeing he plays n his own, might not want him to play as they don't know him that well.

don't worry though, he'll make friends xx

Answer 3

Do they do things as a class in this age group that  promotes group play?

My litttle boy had a playmate at daycare that belonged to a couple we were friends with and they were born at the same time so they paired up..we didnt want them to only play together so we asked about group play..it worked for them...

I wouldnt say this is abnormal at 3, if he is an only child especially.

Answer 4

Many children engage in what they call parallel play until they are four. Meaning that they will play next to other children but not directly with them. As for the other kids, as much as you want to go in there and make them play with him this will not help him. This is the time that children learn how to problem solve in social settings. IE:sharing, line cutting. Give him time and he will work this out. I know it is hard when you see it happen to your kid. It makes you want to cry and tell those others kids off at the same time. So if you need to, cry for him where he can't see you and then go back out there and help him learn to interact with children his age.

Answer 5

common for his age.  Don't worry.  Same thing happened to my daughter, now she has lots of friends

Answer 6

I have to disagree with all who say to basically just let this be. I wouldn't be too concerned with the first part of your question..playing alone isn't such a big deal. My 3 yr old nephew is the same in his house with his mom and 5 yr old brother..he just seems to like being on his own. It's the 2nd part of your question that concerns me. You say his attitude towards school has changed..obviously something had to have happened for his feelings to change. This may have been something minor or maybe not. This is for you to try to discover. Do not ignore your motherly instincts! And, definitly do not let the teachers attitude deter you from asking questions. She may be over-worked or simply a rude type of person, OR it could be that she puts you off because she is hiding something. Maybe their was an incident involving your child that she doesn't want to discuss. Maybe something happened that she didn't handle very well. It seems obvious that something happened to turn the other children 'off' from your child. Did he have an accident in his pants? Did he fight with others? Did he tease someone?  These are questions you can consider asking the teacher and/or your son. There HAS to be a reason for his change in attitude. YOU know your son...does he simply not want to go to school or is he really afraid/uneasy about going? My 5 yr old nephew loved school for a few weeks then started asking not too go..even crying as we neared the school. Finally he told his mom that the teacher scared him because she yelled too much at everyone. It was finally revealed that she was finding her first year to b overwhelming and WAS being too abrasive with the children.  She quickly corrected her attitude and we had no trouble after that. Listen to your little man and pursue this. Best of luck!

Answer 7

Do not be worried about the teacher-speaking thing as it is expected and should be expected by the teacher.

Maybe the child is having a hard day? Or just regular child moon swings. It is quite jumpy to assume that he has a social disorder.

Answer 8

Your son's teacher should address your concerns in a respectful manner, not make you feel like a pest. This needs to be addressed with the teacher and possibly the director if the teacher continues to be dismissive.

The concern here is that your child is making an attempt to play with the other children and is not being allowed to do so (by them pushing him away), otherwise, parallel play is normal at this age.

My suggestion is to talk to (or leave a note for) some of the other moms to have a playdate with the kids on a 1:1 basis so that your child can become more comfortable playing with the children that he goes to school with. This will improve your sons social skills and make it easier to play with the same kids in a group setting!

Answer 9

Leave it alone.  If your son does okay on his own then leave him be.  The other children are pushing him out because right now they only want to play with each other.  Give it time, eventually he will be in the group and they'll be pushing another child away.

Answer 10

this is normal  , maybe he is a little shy , my son who is now eight struggled to join in for a long time  he is a quiet little person but now he has more confidence and he has a small group of friends who he socialises with and he is a happy kid ,  some just take longer to  mingle he will be fine .

Answer 11

Obviously, you're concerned--maybe with reason, maybe not.  Children do go through phases and they're constantly readjusting to find what works for them.  Your son is three.  Ask him why the other children won't play with him--he probably knows.  Does he bully or need to get his own way?  Does he throw tantrums?  Does another child do that when he's around?  Neither of us knows why, so keep an open mind.  My kids were pigheaded, God bless 'em, but they learned to prioritize and compromise, and still they're stubborn sometimes.  They do adjust and we can't protect them from everything, even though we want to.  Good luck.