My 3 yr old daughter cries for me about 20 mins after leaving her at playschool. Should I pull her out?

Question

My daughter is at home with me all the time, she stays only with her nana at times. Is it ok to say she doesn't have to go to playschool? She will have to go to primary school next year anyway. She is so distressed going and when we come home it's like i have a different child. She's pale, scared looking, irritable, I want to just leave it and wait to see how she gets on at primary school next year. I think a year+ will make a difference to her. I think the children at playschool are basically left to themselves to play and just basically supervised. She might be bored? At home she likes to do creative stuff with me and think at primary school she'll not have time to think about missing me. Please help, so worried, up at 2.00am, don't know what to do for the best. By pulling her out am I only making things worse for next year? Should I try something other than playschool?

Answer 1

I owned a daycare for a couple of years. This is normal for a small child to want to be with her mother.

It depends on how long this has been going on! If it is for awhile, then get her out. If it hasn't been too long - a week, then she's more than likely ok.

Although, if this worries you and if you can take her out. There are no rules stating that she has to go. Don't worry about what "society" puts on us about early education.

Also, trust your Momma intuition.

Answer 2

If she has started going to the playschool recently, then you need to give her some more time to settle down. Children always go through separation anxiety. They should come out of it a by 2-3 weeks time. You can ask  someone else in the family to drop her to school and see if there will be a change. Is there a watching window or something like that in school were you can watch her for couple of hours? If yes then try to watch her for a day and see how she is behaving.

If she is crying when she dropped off that should not be major issue. However the fact that she is not happy and comfortable when she comes back home seems to be a matter of concern. Is it that something is wrong at school or is she trying to be angry with you for sending her to school? You need to investigate this fact.

Rgds

Deepali

Answer 3

20 minutes is a long time for a child to be upset.  Normally I would recommend leaving your child and getting out of there as soon as possible -the sooner you leave, the sooner your child will calm down and have fun. Sounds like the opposite is happening here.   Especially if you are noticing her distress at home after she's home.  Sounds like she might need another year of growing up before she goes to preschool and then on to kindergarten.  Is she young enough to wait?  If she will be going to kindergarten next year, then you will need to persevere with rewards and positive reinforcement, otherwise, I would recommend waiting another year before sending her on to kindergarten.  Sounds like she needs the gift of time and you are the only one who can give that to her.

Answer 4

I think the first thing you need to do is be convinced that the preschool is a good place for her to be, and it doesn't sound like you feel that way about it.  I work at a preschool, I love it here (and am amazed that they pay me to play with kids all day [and do speech therapy, but the kids don't know that!]) Look for an accredited school - we have NAEYC accreditation, very hard to obtain but assurance for parents that an outside agency found us to be one of the best in the country.  Search their site for schools in your area:  http://www.naeyc.org/accreditation/  

Secondly, while preschool is not mandatory for primary school, it should be a FUN introduction to school and learning how to play with others.  Some things that you can't learn at home, where there are not many other same-age peers:  waiting your turn, standing in line, making friends of your own choosing, taking care of your own belongings, standing up for your rights (someone is bound to take the toy you had first), sharing the adult attention, etc.  Once your child starts kindergarten, the schools are very focused on academics and there is not much playtime anymore.

Finally, watch how you act as you drop her off. If you seem worried that she is not happy, she will sense your concern and then become fearful herself. That's not being manipulative, it's  typical non-verbal communication - if you see someone who looks afraid, you'd look around to see what you should be afraid of.  The longer you hang around in her classroom, the more she will think there is something to fear.  Walk her in, give her one hug and kiss, tell her 'good-bye' and leave.  Don't come back for one more hug & don't try to 'sneak' out (that makes kids worried that you might disappear at ANY moment - it might make it harder for you if she cries, but it will be easier for her than if she suddenly discovered you 'disappeared.')

From the hundreds of typical and special needs children that attend our school, I would say it's common for most 3 yr olds to cry the first week, maybe a few for the first month. I have one in my class who is still clinging to mom and sulking for about a half hour after 8 months in school. That mom has had 2 other children at our school and she knows he is okay & always has fun for the rest of the day.

If you decide against preschool, try to provide your daughter with other opportunities to socialize with same-age peers - the park, library groups, ymca activities, etc.

Answer 5

no cuz thats what she wants you to do she cant always get her way let her get used to it

Answer 6

Of course it's OK. I think it is the most natural thing in the world for a little one to want to be with their parents. If she doesn't like going to playschool, why make her?

I don't agree that she has to learn that she can't always have her own way... She's three! and she is just letting you know she needs you in the only way she can communicate that to you.

There is often a lot of pressure to put your kids in play school, preschool, and school... Maybe so much that we have stopped looking at our individual children's needs...

Bottom line, I think you know your daughter best, and you know what she likes and doesn't like because if you listen to her, she will tell you... Once you have heard what she's saying,  you can make the best choice for her, don't let anyone else tell you what is right or wrong... and don't let the 'pressure' of other people's rights and wrongs get to you...

I don't think pulling her out will make things worse for later on... Maybe it's a matter of waiting until SHE is ready... Who knows, maybe she'll love school (or not and then you'll have the choice again to address the issue then).

Answer 7

In my opinion, and I used to be a daycare provider, if your child is reacting like this as soon as you leave, there is an issue. For some reason, she is not comfortable where she is at. Whether it be the teacher, one of the other kids, etc. If you don't need to leave her there, then don't. Don't feel guilty about having her home with you. She will be thrust into the world soon enough to deal with all that comes along with it.

Good luck

Answer 8

Considing that young children feel safer when there is a predictable routine, she is likely to benefit from a more traditional preschool program.   A more structured

preschool that blends learning and playtime will offer more to interest her, and trained teachers will be able to ensure she feels safe and show her there are many activities to look forward to.   Trust your instinct in doing what you feel is best for your child.  You are obviously in tune with her and a loving caring mother.  Be honest with yourself, are you lingering too long when you take her?  Sometimes it's really the parent that has a hard time leaving their precious children.  You gave her good roots - now it's time for her to start spreading her wings.  Try a few less days or hours to start out, but if you don't give her any experience starting grade school next year may be even harder for you both.