My 3 yr old son will soon start going to preschool.?

Question

My 3 yr old son will soon start going to preschool. As of now, he started going to a summer program for 3hrs on alternate days. Initially, he was very excited to go. On the day 1, he wanted me to stay back; i was there for 1hr and came back home. He cried for sometime and later he was alright. On the day 2, i dropped him amd came back, he cried for 5 to 10 minutes and he was fine. After coming home, he told me that he doesn't want to go there. On the day 3, he was not willing to get inside the classroom; he cried a lot and i had to bring him back home. I tried to explain him in a lot of ways but he is not ready to listen. I thought that initially he will have a hard time to stay there but slowly he'll get used to it and like the place but now everything has become upside down. Please help me on this.

Answer 1

For some little ones, alternating days do not work:  you just keep having Monday over and over again.  Try to find a preschool that goes 3 straight days.

We take our preschoolers out of the car for the parents.  It gives them a place to say goodbye and to separate.  Since we started this method about 4 years ago, we only have 1 or 2 children that cry each year for the first week or two.  Last two years, we've had NO crying children.  It's been wonderful.

Sometimes, when parents get in and the child starts crying, it's too hard to leave.  Most will quieten within minutes.  I've only had to call mom back 3 or 4 times since 1993.  

This does work for us.

Answer 2

I know exactly what you are going through, and it can be really hard on us mothers.  I agree with all of the previous posters.  You should really try to dig deep into the reason that your son is responding the way that he is.  If he cant tell you, consider hanging outside of the classroom door unannounced for a minute or two to see how things are progressing after you leave.  Do the teachers come to comfort him?  Or do they allow him to just stand there and cry on his own?  At the preschool my son and daughter attends, the classroom teacher always greet them at the door.  My son had periods of crying after I dropped him off, but that was eleviated soon because the teachers would greet him at the door with hugs.  Now he tells me bye in the morning and runs to his teachers.  Your son could simply just be experiencing seperation anxiety.  Like another poster said, simply make a morning ritual before dropping him off, and try to be punctual picking him up daily.  An every other day program may not be the best thing for him.  Unless he is very in tune with his days of the week, he is probably unable to get into a routine with the every other day class time.  It could be inconsistent, and causing him to have to readjust each time he goes.  There could many different reasons for him not wanting to go.  The most important thing is to make sure that there is nothing going on at the center that is causing him to feel uncomfortable or threatened.  If everything checks out ok, and he doesnt want to go only because he would rather be with you, just keep reassuring him and things should begin to look up.  A previous poster had a great idea.  if you can't get a teacher or aide to greet him at the car, see if you could get one to greet him at the door.  Also he is still very young.  If you can stay home with him another year and do homeschooling it wouldnt hurt.  Check to see if yor local library has story and art time for preschoolers.  This will allow him exposure to other children, and introduction to preschool skills.  I hope everything works out.

Answer 3

You need to bring him in...even if he's crying...here's my suggestion (I own and operate a large pre school...daycare centre plus have 2 children of my own...)

Here's what you do....

- don't offer a choice. Tell him that it'll be time to go to school and follow through

- Day 1....bring in a book/magazine and tell him you will NOT be leaving. After 1/2 hour...tell him it's time to go and  that he did a wonderful job (even if he was crying)

-Day 2- same as above...but stay a full hour (NOT in the classroom and NO eye contact with him...simply allow the teachers to capture his attention and you are there physically but are not being verbal with him at all.

Day 3- same as above

Day 4- same as above

Day 5- same as above

- the following week....bring in your book, stay for 1/2 hour, then leave the building (for 1/2 hour). Pick him up early

- by this day...he should have made a few friends plus know a little about the daily routine

-Gradually...increase his time in the program and slowly make your time in the school shorter and shorter

- this should take you to week 2...at this point (on the week end) take lots of time praising him for doing a great job in his new school. Then explain that you will be starting work or going to the doctor/dentist or any other place that he'd never want to be (lol...it works like a charm)

- When you drop him off on Monday...first explain that you will be picking him up after story time or last circle (identify the last activity of the day)...be sure to be there 5-10 minutes early.

- If he cries..you need to LEAVE...I know how difficult this is...but you need to make him understand that there's no choice in the matter.

This might be more difficult for you than for him. Don't allow him to see your worry/apprehension...he'll pick up on your feelings and it'll make the matter worse.

I've been through this with hundreds of parents....be strong and within a few weeks he'll be begging to go!

Lastly, network with other parents...ideally the parent of a child that your son gravitates towards and invite them over for a brief play date...this will also help him to integrate.

Hope this was helpful...you can e-mail me directly if you have any further questions...Good Luck!! He'll be fine...(and so will you)

Answer 4

Thats a tough one. It could be that he is having separation anxiety and wants to be with you. Or, there may be a reason he does not want to go into the preschool. See if you can dig deeper into the reason why he's upset. Maybe you can do several unannounced visits to the school. I don't know- mine were never in preschool so I don't know what I would do, but if you don't absolutely have to keep him there and he continues to be upset, why not just keep him home with you? They're only little for such a short time!

Answer 5

what do the teachers do when you drop him off?  do they engage him, try to get him involved with an activity or do they just say hello and let him stand there on his own?  take a good look at how they approach him and how they deal with him.  if all that is ok, then, as a previous poster suggested, create your 'i love you' rituals for drop off.  on the way, explain that you'll be back and you love him and he'll be fine.  once inside the classroom, kiss him and say good bye and leave so that he can't see you.  either find a spot in the center that you can listen to what's going on (possibly the director's office) or leave and come back unannounced and observe without him seeing you.  if all is well, keep up the routine and he'll be fine.  if not, and you don't like what you see/hear, remove him.

this is so tough for you and i know how your heart hurts.

Answer 6

Oh, that makes it so hard for you as a mom, doesn't it?  I find that, especially with 3 year olds, it's hard for them to separate if they haven't been already experienced to it.  I guess you need to consider, first, whether it is a good preschool.  You've been there.  Are your comfortable with it?  Also, what do the teachers say after you leave?  What are their suggestions?  They know you and your family best.  Also consider your response to his reaction.  Are your empathetic but firm?  If you are comfortable with the program and teachers then continue on.  We had a child in my son's preschool who had such difficulty with parent's leaving that the parents felt strongly enough about him being in preschool that they arranged it so one of them would be outside the classroom for the period.  It took about a month and the child then was fine.  This seems harsh, but... There are some cases of actual separation anxiety but I find that the majority of them finds a "new button" on their parent and they like the "control" that they have when they make the transition into the class difficult.  Again be firm and empathetic... if you feel strongly that this is a good program, that your child's needs are being met, etc.  

One thing that I recommend to parents to create an "I love your ritual" that you and your child does exactly the same every day upon arriving at school.  Sometimes it's good to have a "love-y" from home in the child's cubby but please get permission from the teacher's first.  :-)  That way if your child needs a mommy/daddy fix they can go snuggle with the love-y for a bit.  On the same note, maybe you can provide a picture of you and your child or a family pic that he can have a school.  I've seen some that have made "necklaces" out of them...but make sure it's a "safe" necklace.  :-)  Having the picture in their pocket works well too.  

Good luck!