My 3yr old stays in trouble at school?

Question

My son goes to a church school and we have had to meet with the director and his teachers re: his behavior. They say that he plays to rough with the other kids. He has a big brother that plays varsity football, they wrestle with each other all the time. I told the teachers that I don't think that he means to be that rough. He was just sent home a note from school saying that they have reached a point where the safety of the other children as well as the wellbeing of teachers is being compromised. They are going to monitor him and if they feel that his behavior becomes unacceptable they are going to call us and have us pick him up early from school. He has the love for football, I have taken every football away from him plus took any TV time away. He is 3yrs old and they have a short attention span. I don't know what else to do. I need some kind of help. He is a very smart and loving child and loves to go to school and see his friends.

Answer 1

I wouldn't necessarily suggest taking the time away from him.  He has that energy and that interest.  He needs to get it out.  It's appropriate to do it with his brother at home.  It's not ok at school.

I have told many students this.  

At home, there are certain rules you may follow.  At school, we have different rules.  Students understand this.

It sounds to me like the school itself does not know how to enforce their own guidelines.  They sound too lenient and sound as if he is able to continually push those boundaries.  You can try explaining them to him.  You can try to come up with a solution with the school and work together with them.  In the end, unless they're willing to step in every time they see this behavior and stop it immediately and get him involved in something else, the behavior will continue.

He's not endangering the teacher.  I've been punched by a 3 year old before.  It's really more an annoyance than anything.  The school wants to pass off responsibility of setting limits in its classroom onto you.  It sounds as if he might be better off in another school.

Answer 2

what is the setting in that school.....is it like daycare? where the child plays most of the day....if not then he is not getting enough play time...making a 3 year old sit for long periods of time can be very hard.....but also how is he at home is he rough,violent...if not then there might be something that triggers him to be this way at school,check it out to be sure......I feel also that football is very important to you,and your sons so taking it away isn't good....but make it clear when and where and with who he can play rough....so lets say you say its only ok to play rough in the play room then make sure there are consequences when he plays rough elsewhere...a time out(3 min)....take his fav toy away for a short period.......my son was rough when he was younger... just make the rules clear and be consistent....it may take time but it will work out....

Answer 3

Kids at that age are very active, lots of energy, curious and always try and do things without thinking its consequence pr what might happen after.  But if it really bothers you, i mean his behavior if its really that odd for you comparing other kids of the same age then you can approach the school counselor, if they have or go to a child specialist so that you'll be enlightened with the doubts and worries you have

Answer 4

I am a preschool teacher that has both 3 & 4 together. I have to say last year my class was mostly three and this year they are obviously 4, and a few 3's. Now, last yr was very hard, (and I was pregnant on top of it.) My 3's had never been in school, and the parents did not help educationally at home. (they say they have no time; which from a teachers point of view i will never understand that comment because they are your children and you should make the time.) And to those that believe 3's cannot hurt teachers, that is not true. I had a very "active" group. My children bit, kicked, and punched, not only myself but the other staff and children. I had to do many lessons on having "nice hands". I also had many different books, and other ways the children can express their anger. This did not work with everyone, and it took alot out of me. I also had one child (3 yrs old) that picked up a chair and threw it out the classroom door because he did not get the toy when he wanted it. We are part of the public school system and have many rules and workshops and trainings on how to deal with things like this. And yes it gets to a point that unfortunatly we do have to think of the safety of other children. But at the same time a teacher should be able to try to figure out (especially at this point of time being well into the school yr, heck the yr is almost over) what sets off the child and try to avoid it. If they have a hard time with change then they should be warned ahead of time that they will be moving onto the next activity. Also it is not a matter of being bored because we have many things going on, however age appropriate is always the most important thing. These same children from last yr are with me this yr and there are some that still have anger , or patience issues, but who does not? You mean to tell me that every adult is perfect and well mannered at all times of the day and yr? yes they should sit down with you (they should have done this from the beginning) and talk about how ALL of you can help your child. It should not be just note after note. Also taking him out of school does not help, it just makes it easier for them. They are the professionals and they should be giving you resources on how to manage this. They should be working with you. I do not believe taking the football away helps, if any thing it can cause resentment and worse behavior. The punishment should fit the crime. For example; it should be given at the time that the incident is happening, not hours later. He will not understand why. Yes you should talk to him about his behavior, he will understand. He may be 3, but he is not stupid. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit. Of course it is the words and way that u explain it that is what matters. Do not talk to him as if he is 20, but the concept could and should be discussed with. He should have different outlets to show his anger, he should be taught this at school, ie: draw a picture of how he is feeling, let him have a space (A Quit or Private place) were he can go and calm down. Not a time out, but his choice. Also our school has a special book that we read; i am not sure who made it; it is called Tucker Turtle,. and it tells the children how to deal with situations. It also comes with ideas on how to help them deal with their emotions. Now if it contines, he should get a time out but not more than the age he is. No more than 3 minutes. One minute per age. When he comes out he should talk it over with him. The adults should always be talking the children at their level. Meaning bend down to look them in the eye. Do not talk from your hight, it's like a giant scolding you; it can be very scary. I used to have to pull up a chair so that I can talk to them at their level. If i bent down, then i was going all the way down. LOL. If he is very angry then tell him to take a time out to think because if you try to talk when he is yelling; it's point less because he is not listening. Also remember some children do act different in school than at home, especially when their friends are acting up they may join in. Only because in the moment it seems like fun to them, and the others are doing it so why not. Explain that the wresteling can hurt other children. Unfortuanatly when u do start school it is not only your child and how your family does things. He may have a brother that they wrestle and he is used to it, but there may be the child that has never had that kind of play and it may hurt them or even make them nervous. It is very hard being a teacher, especailly a preschool teacehr because there are so many different aspects and childrens feelings that we have to take into account, as well as what the guidelines tell us as well. Different schools will do different things as well. In the end I love teaching, but it takes work. Not just pass it on to the next person.

Answer 5

I think that's a good idea from Kena to have his older brother speak to him - 3 year olds can understand that rough behavior can't be tolerated at school.  We anticipate rough behavior at our school and stop it before it begins.  Sitting on the quiet carpet (a transition spot) usually calms them down. We put the control back to them though - we tell them when they are ready to keep their hands to themselves, they can rejoin the play.  This might continue several times a day until he gets the message that the teachers mean business. Nothing is more important than the safety of the other children and I bet it's scaring them knowing that your child is rough like that and they will be looking for the teacher's reaction -they have to put a stop to it which it looks like it is what they are trying to do. Start a reward system - pick one behavior - keeping his hands to himself - if he can get through one day  staying away from this behavior, he can get a sticker - five stickers earns him a trip to McDonald's, the Dollar Store, anything that he is hoping for.  We use this technique at preschool and with parent cooperation, it never fails us. Good luck.

Answer 6

well kids are bad

Answer 7

I would personally take a day of and go and ask about observing. You have a right as the parent to observe from a distance. You need to see what is going on. Could it be that another child could be egging him on? Causing him problems too? Then once you can see for yourself it will be easier to make a decision on the next step.

Answer 8

they be kids

Answer 9

You need to show the school you are willing to help solve this problem.  If he is hurting other students often then it is a problem. Go to the pastor of the church or a social organization for counseling. This will get another persons view into the picture and show that you are trying to work things out. If the clergy of the church is involved they will not put him out or call you unless it is absolutely necessary. If the pastor can not help you then ask him for a recommendation of who at the church will help. That is part of the clergyman's job he will  help.

Answer 10

what a brat!!!!

Answer 11

He's 3 years old, so he understands a lot. Sit him down and explain to him why he cannot be rough at school and that there will be consequences. Maybe no one has really sat him down and explained it to him.

Answer 12

from my own babysitting experience and such i think you should sit him down and explain to him and if possible enroll him in an after school thing with other kids where he can run and get out all of his energy kids need a place to be rowdy and if he looks up to his brother mabey you should get your older son to talk to him about being nice

Answer 13

We have a child in our neighborhood who is the same way with little kids - WAY too rough. People can say kids will be kids but his mother never disciplined him or said anything when he was too rough.  Often little kids were in tears or fearful after playing with him.

For the sake of the other children, the church is doing the right thing.  What's going to happen if he seriously hurts another child?  That will be a much bigger problem.

Get him into something else that will drain his energy.  Martial arts is usually really good and the instructor will teach the child how to conduct themselves in a good way.  Those classes, however, usually don't start until about 5 or 6 years of age though.  Swimming, tennis, anything that isn't a contact sport.  Your church is doing the right thing.

Answer 14

just try your best to explain to your son the difference between how he plays with his brother and how he plays with other children

Answer 15

What is he doing that they consider to rough? How does a three year old compromise the well being of a teacher? Why don't you visit the school when your son don't know you're there and observe for yourself?

Answer 16

that is so cute. are they a bit uptight?

Answer 17

Have you read this story?

http://sendtofriend.abcnews.go.com/GMA/s...

A 3-year-old child is becoming a physical danger to other students and teacher? A danger to the students possibly, but to the staff? In what way could a 3 year old pose a danger to a teacher unless they take a weapon to school? It's highly unlikely that a three year old would physically overpower an adult.

You say it's a church school - are they using corporal punishment on your child or other children? What kind of disciplinary methods do they use when children don't meet behavioral expectations? You are the parent, so you know your child far better than anyone at that school - if you kid is sweet, loving, and kind at home, but you're getting a report that he is abusive at school, something is fishy - find out what it is.

Answer 18

boys will be boys...

Answer 19

he is a boy and some  children are very active . He has a big brother to make him tuff. Dont take anything away unless he is doing something he developing skills. Try to sit him down and explain to him what he is doing. hug him and tell him it is not okay to play so ruff. he is ya baby. dont let anyone tell you that u have a bad child. He is learning right from  wrong. Just tell your older son to help him understand that playing to ruff at school is not okay . Best of luck mom it is going to be okay just love him and teach him

Answer 20

Don't allow the rough play at home.  What might look like innocent "boys being boys" behavior is obviously making him too rough on the other kids at school.  He's learning this somewhere, and he has to be taught that it's unacceptable.

Answer 21

well when i was in school if your child kept being bad the parent was allowed to sit and watch him to see if your child acted bad when you were there so maybe you should ask the teacher about sitting in the class and watching him

Answer 22

he is 3. i don't remember anything about being 3. what is he supposed to do recite Shakespeare?

Answer 23

my cousin told the principal he hopes she falls in the wood chipper, sees a picture with her head cut off and he's going to break all the bones her back.. it could always be worse

Answer 24

Doesn't sound like the staff can or are willing, to provide level of expertise required to teach a three year old. Maybe a new school might work. Practitioners who can or want to, work with young children should help resolve this glitch quite quickly.