My 4 1/2 year old gets destructive when I send him to time out.

Question

I am very consistent when I send him to time out, but recently (the last several months) he has started trying to break things on his way there. He pushes over furniture, rips my books, or tries to break sister's toys. When he does this he gets a longer time out, but it doesn't seem to be helping and I am going crazy! Most people I have asked tell me he needs a spanking, but I don't believe in spankings. I really don't know what else to try! Any Ideas?

Answer 1

try finding his favourite toy, or favourite pastime (movies, colouring, etc) take it away, and explain it was done so because of how he was acting.

Answer 2

Read this below:

Dear Abby: This is in response to "Young Mom in Oklahoma" (May 7), who wrote asking if it was OK to discipline her 4-year-old by smashing his toys with a hammer. Your response was appropriate. However, that mother should be encouraged to attend parenting classes or speak to her son's pediatrician regarding her problem with how to discipline her son. I am very concerned for the child's well-being if she even has to ask if it's OK to smash his toys with a hammer. —A Mom Who Cares

Dear Mom: You were not the only person to suggest that "Young Mom" attend parenting classes. I heard from other parents and child-care professionals who were appalled at her behavior. Read on:

Dear Abby: As a student and researcher in psychology, I've come to learn that the only way time-outs work is if the parent uses "time-in." This is time in which the parent engages in positive physical contact with the child (such as a pat on the head, a hug or a high-five). Being in the room with the child while the child plays and engaging in conversations with the child during play are other important parts of time-in.

Time-out then becomes a punishment because you are taking the child away from the positive and loving environment you create using time-in. Because the child finds time-in rewarding, he/she will not want to experience time-out and thus will stop the negative behavior. —Graduate Student in Psychology

Answer 3

he is breaking things that you paid for and you don't want to spank him? it's not going to make you abusive and it's not going to permanently scar him. a swat on the behind may be what he needs.

Answer 4

The most people are right! If you let that kid grow thinking he can get over on his parents, may the force be with you. And it very possibly could carry over into adulthood. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

You keep not believing in spankings is the same as you not believing in discipline. Don't expect him to stop breaking things. Your child's going to be a nightmare for teachers in school.

Answer 6

a smack wont hurt ya know.