My 4 1/2 yr. old son is having some separation issue...?

Question

Okay, so last week my son had Strep throat and was kept home for a few days from day care/preschool. That led into the weekend where there was a lot of family time with visiting the grandparents. So, when Monday came, and it was time for me to leave him at day care he is back into crying himself into a frenzy when I start to leave...pulling on me to get me to stay and just not being himself. Now there are a number of changes such as a new teacher and room changes at day care. But, he knows everyone. I stick around day care for about 20 minutes every morning before going to work across the street (he knows I'm very close). But, I was thinking of stopping the 20 minute visit if he doesn't stop the problem. But, once I rethought that idea, I thought that maybe it would do more harm than good. He's already thinking I'm abandoning him, so should I keep sticking around, and hope the issue goes away, or should I give him a dose of "cold turkey"? I really don't want to see him upset.

Answer 1

the illness (and time at home with you) has made him feel a bit clingier than usual, if you give him the comfort and reassurances he needs, he'll regain his usual confidence

Answer 2

This is so normal!!!!!   Hey look.....You really need to cut down on your drop off time....you have the whole car ride to prepare him.....go in get his coat off, drop his things off and hug and kiss him tell him you will see him after work ( or at lunch ect.).......Then Leave!!!!  ( Spend the extra time there at the end of the day...Look at his pictures, see his favorite toys, meet the other kids)

On another note when considering the separation anxiety this is causing on your own son...you also have to consider how this disruption is effecting his morning routine, as well as the routine of the other kids...if the visit in the mid day is dissruptive....don't contiue this

I will take a huge stab that he doesn't cry very long after you leave....

Hey pick him up on one day for lunch...tell him its your special time....or stop in the morning for breakfast, or stop at a park in the am ( when weather gets nice) for a quick swing.....there are lots of other ways you can still feel close with your child......

Be happy for your child...this is the begining of his social skills, he is learning so much and doing actvities that he doesnt do at home....And he has so much to share with you now....

Hey this happens to every mom at one point or another.......It Is a phase for our children and a horrible milestone for us...

Answer 3

Here we go- I have worked with that age group for a numberof years and this is ALWAYS a huge problem and kudos to you for seeking help!!!  Some parents enjoy seeing their child need them so badly and never seek to rectify the situation.  And he's obviously seen that getting upset keeps mommy around longer-your child is smarter than you think, he knows you'll stay.  I'm not saying the crying isn't sincere, but he knows it'll keep you there longer.

So here's the hard part- the solution- it's painful for you but best for him.  Drop him off, say I love you, give him a hug and leave- if he's attached to your leg in a death grip pull him off,give him to his teacher and leave IMMEDEATELY- trust me, in the 6 thousandtimes I've seen this happen NEVER, I mean NEVER has it taken longer than 5-10 minutes (usually less than 5) for the child to calm down and go right into playing with his friends.  Also, please call the schoolif you can't stop thinking/worrying about it, I know we are more than willing to peek in on children in this situation.

It is a horrible feeling to leave your child in such a state of upset, but it truly is in his best interest.  Best of luck & I hope this helps!!

Answer 4

Just compfort him.

Answer 5

You have to remember you have spent the last 5 years (counting pregnancy) with this toddler and he wants you to be with him all the time. You dont want to see him upset so you need to get him more used to the school setting he will be spending alot of time there so if you want him to be happy dont stay with him too long.... I'd say that you should slowly cut down the time that you are with him in the mornings like start leaving in fifteen minutes for a few days, then ten minutes, and keep cutting it down like that it will help and everyone knows that no parent wants to see their child cry so whatever you do, decide on something that you believe helps your child because you love him! good Luck!

Answer 6

well it is probly normal at his age but eventually you well have to be away from him and  he well have to not have you at day care.

Answer 7

Cold turkey

Answer 8

Try to keep the time that you drop him off and you leave short as possible. Find something that he can keep in his pocket as a reminder of you. Then when he is missing you he can stick his hand in his pocket and know that you are there with him.  Talk to him about going to daycare and how it is his job to go there and make friends and learn things just like it is your job to go to work. Tell him that you will be back to pick him up and have him work towards something. Like if you go in like a big boy then I will bring you a treat for the ride home. It is bribery but, if it avoids the tears then it is worth it.  And you feel less guilty about leaving him crying.  I am the mom to 6 children and a daycare provider for 12 yrs.