My 4 year old daughter has horrible meltdowns...?

Question

I take her to preschool she cries and begs me not to leave her(though when I pick her up, she doesn't want to leave).

She cries about getting dressed, taking baths, going shopping, etc..... I can usually calm her down with those things, but the one that's really hard to calm her down with is that she misses her daddy.

He and split up about 2 -3 years ago and now my daughter and I live about 45 mins to an hr away from her dad. We live with my new fiance(whom she adores!). She still sees her dad on the weekends, but now in the last month or so, she cries for him everyday. Tantrum and screaming yelling for her dad. It breaks my heart and I try to do things with her like go for bike rides, go to the park etc. But nothing satisfies her and she still wants her dad. I'm at my whits end with the tantrums and crying. What can I do to make her feel better?

BTW: Her dad says she throws fits screaming for me when shes over there. Whats causing this? is it anxiety or is she playing us?

Answer 1

hmmm..I have two thoughts:  you could teach her her daddy's telephone number so she can call him whenever she wants and visa versa when she is at his house(teach her your number) Also, if he has the computer you could hook up a cam at eachothers houses so she can see you or him on the computer and talk that way(say goodnight ect...)  And she may need some counseling to help her deal with her feelings.  This is a tough thing for a child to understand. Mybe you guys can give her something to lok forward to, like when she gets upset have her make something for daddy(a picture a craft ect...)  good luck!

Answer 2

Sounds just like my 3yo nephew (who's the middle of 3 boys), he sits on the floor and wails not cries and i don't know what just happened (if he got hurt or got scolded)...My sister leaves him there and that upsets me (but she's so fed up in dealing w/2 more) since i don't know what to do...His Dad & Mom are separated as i know, he's in Oregon while she in Wa state living at my folks' and even they don't know what to do since he does this 1st thing in the morning and late at night or anytime...I'm thinking it's a middle child issue or separation anxiety from Dad, i feel for him but helpless for he don't want me to comfort him when he feels so down...I'm worried he could have adhd or bipolar since his paternal Grandmother has it and would be helpful if his parent's could possibly detect it

Answer 3

Awww man,

She wants both of you guys.

She doesn't like not having BOTH of you.

Because she loves you both, and sure, she's friends with the fiance, but she just now realizes that she can't have you guys at the same time.

It breaks my heart too.

There's nothing to stop this, besides you guys getting back together.

I know that isn't going to happen so she's just going to have a depressing childhood.

Why'd you guys have to split up when she's barely old enough to realize it?

This was YOUR bad choice.

Answer 4

Kids are very smart . I would talk to her and tell her that her dad loves her very much and that she has to stop having these meltdowns.Try not to give her everything she asks for when having the tantrum. The most important thing is to have you and her dad talk to her together  (as many times as needed ) about what she is feeling . I remember when my parents split , I was 5 years old I would cry so much over my dad and my mom would get very upset also  so please understand her .

A great idea is to put her in a sport or ballet!

Answer 5

Hehehehe...your baby girl is playing you guys like a fiddle...lol. Pulling at each of your heart strings by missing the other. WOW, SHE'S GOOD. I won't pass judgment about your status w/ her father...I've chosen to do the same.

I've got a tantrum thrower as well. She needs to know tantrums are no way to get what you want. She throws a tantrum, you stand straight and look at her in the eye and sternly and calmly say, "When you are finished crying and throwing a fit, you may join us doing whatever it is YOU want her to do" and go off and do it, everybody does as well. It won't take long before she calmly rejoins the group or even just you.

First time I did this, it wasn't even 30 seconds she was up and following me into the other room...I was like wow that worked well, what the h**l have I been doing all these months! Feeling bad, and trying to make her feel better and not getting anywhere.

Answer 6

sounds like anxiety to me...and she's so young she probably doesn't fuly understand that you are marrying someone new. She probably always thought dady might someday come back. She wants to be with you two together....

If you and her dad get along okay I'd suggest maybe doing something together with her once in awhile.