My 4 year old refuses to clean up at daycare.?

Question

My 4 year old refuses to clean up at daycare. They even called my husband at work to talk to my son. He hid under a table to avoid cleaning up and blames the mess on someone else. It has been an issue for months now and he is still being difficult during clean up time. He has to clean up at home and I have even gotten a garbage bag out to pick up toys if he doesn't and he isn't allowed to play with them for a few days. Any advice? I'm so frustrated that he's doing this at daycare and I know the teachers are as well. I told him that if we get called again his blanket (his pride and joy) will be taken away for the night. We always use time out as discipline along with a loss of priviledges, but I'm wondering if he needs something harsher. My only concern is that if the incident occurs during the morning and I don't see him until the early evening, he won't relate the punishment to the crime. Help

Answer 1

I often say, "When ____ is picked up then you will be able to join us again."  I tend to be more specific in what I want each child to pick up because I have a younger crew, presently.  But with the preschoolers, they are required to clean up before they go to the next activity.  This makes cleaning up at the end of play time is not so overwhelming.  He seems to be on the winning end of a power struggle.  Talk with the teachers about stating his responsibility and then ignoring him and going about the day's business.  It is okay to tell the other children to "please leave these (toys) for (Adam) to clean up.  He'll join us when he is takes care of his job."  Seriously...it usually works...it takes patience and consistency.  By lunch time he'll want to join the rest of them.  Give them permission, in writing, to hold lunch/snack (This is not taking it away...he can have it later.) until he picks up the toys, if it comes to that.  He can sit in the director's office or in a specific spot outside until he decides to clean up the toys if leaving the classroom is part of the routine.  I do not recommend the reward system for this behavior... this is just a job that everyone must do...even adults.  Good luck.

Answer 2

This is just him playing games with the people at the day care and he's winning at it.  Honestly, if a child does not want to clean up his/her work, I let them sit by me until they're ready to go put their work away.  

If it takes all day, it takes all day.  Since he knows the workers there care about it, he's pushing their buttons...  and doing a great job at it.

Answer 3

I am not sure why the daycare is making this your problem.  I am a preschool 4's teacher in a child care center and I have had this problem happen before, but I have never called a parent over it.  I believe in natural consequences.  So when a child refused, well they had to stay inside with me and clean-up, and they missed the entire outside time.  But they didn't do it again. They realized that they still had to clean-up.  I have also had kids stubborn enough not to clean-up to go outside and it started into lunch.  Well I was not going to refuse them food, so as soon as they were done eating they had to continue to clean-up.  I used tough love and the next day they cleaned-up.  There are others thing that can be done too, like only allowing the child to play with a few toys, and having them clean it up before they play with anything else. They can also have your son clean up before everyone else starts.  Anyways, how are you supposed to correct a problem he has at school when you are not there?  You are right that he will not relate the punishment to the crime.  So try and talk with his teacher and say that you want to help but it is not age appropriate to discipline him for something that happens there.  Maybe give her some tactics to get him to clean up.  Good luck.

Answer 4

1st ask what insintives do they use at daycare. I know this is asking alot but may be necessary. Show up at day care and take part in clean up time. You may even call the day care at the time offer alot of praise and a stop at his favorite fast food restaurant if he complies for the wk. At for years old praise is the key.

Answer 5

Alot like teenager 3-5 year olds are going to start to rebel. The best way to handle this is by the loss of privileges, like what your doing. But if it's not working then you should show him how it feels when people leave stuff out for someone else to clean up. So I would sit him down and say how rude and not nice he's being. Then every time you hear about his happening, make him clean up his messes at home twice and have a time out starting at 10 minutes and working your way up if it doesn't help.