My 4 year old refuses to do his school work????

Question

My son will be 4 years old on Oct. 1. He is a very smart child and will be going to a special pre-K class for children that are a bit advanced. My problem is that he has refused to even try to keep up with work that he has demonstrated he can do (i.e. write is name, work with his numbers). All he wants to do is watch cartoons and when i insist that he does work he throws tantrums and fits of screaming. i am trying to be a good parent and ready him for classes in the next few weeks.

Any suggestions that can be offered would greatly be appreciated.

Answer 1

If he can already do them, then why are you practicing them?  Take him to the next step.

I'd be upset now if my boss told me I have to prove I can do something that I've already shown I can do.

Matt

Answer 2

Hi,

I think "Angiem" and "momof3" have the best slant on this situation.

Getting him excited about attending the pre-K class is so much more important than having him practice what he apparently already knows how to do.

Although screaming and throwing tantrums is not an acceptable behavior, at 4 he may not be able to properly articulate his frustration with your request that he sit and do school work.  

Please don't walk away and ignore him, as others have advised. Try to calm him down and help him explain to you why he is so upset.  He may not be able to tell you, but with a little time and a LOT of patience, the two of you can come up with the answer.

This is a prime age for connecting with your son, allow him to understand that he is entitled to feelings of anger and frustration, and you want to help him with those feelings but he needs to learn to express them to you so you are able to help.

Let him be a child. Childhood is the only thing in life that is truly limited.

Finger paints, writing in the sand (a tray in the house on a rainy day filled with salt works too), make a family tree with construction paper, writing everyone's name on a leaf,  etc...

Do the fun things that he won't think of as "work".

You sound like you ARE a good parent.  As long as he knows you love him and will be there for him, whatever life deals him, he'll be ready to take on the world.

Good Luck and Have Fun!!

Answer 3

Do not force the work on him  While in the car play games in counting and spelling his name ect.

Get CD's  and turn off the TV stuff

Instead of TV take him outside and share the world  with him

Let him see you read a book or paper

Count outloud the plates on the table  soon he will want more and work at school more.  

He was put in the class because he knew the work make sure he  is also ready for the social  part of the moving up   He knows the work, is he   nervous about the social part?

Answer 4

If he tries refuses to do his homework then you need to tell him you have to do your homework and then you can watch cartoons. If he starts to cry then walk away eventually he will realize that he is not going to get his way by crying and that he is not getting any attention.

Answer 5

I'm not being mean but keep this up and the kid will hate school. He may be academically ready but he doesn't sound emotionally ready and that is important.

Answer 6

Leave the child ALONE about this stuff. Clearly you and he are not meant for you to be teaching him now. For whatever reason, this has become a power struggle and you are both losing.

He may be perfectly happy and "work" at school. A good pre-K teacher will make it all seem like fun and play, even as the kids do amazing things. This is not the age for struggle and serious-minded endeavor.

Limit TV time and spend more time outside, just running around or observing ants or pouring water from one container to another. Inside read to him, use books (New Book of Knowledge encyclopedia is great) to show him pictures of things that interest/frighten him and read a little about them. A tornado came close to us when my son was 3; for weeks I'd get out the T volume to show him that the sky in the tornado picture didn't look like the sky outside our window so he'd feel safe to go out. Let him build, draw, color, arrange things.

"Smart" isn't in the medium--words and numbers and pencils. It's in the activities and the questions you ask, the questions he asks, and the answers you two give.

Answer 7

try to incorporate his intrests into his school work. make learning fun, chances are relating numbers and letters to spongebob wont be so hard. buy learning videos that are cartoons but teach the alphebet and such. hes young so i think he'll learn just fine. hes already ahead!

hope i helped.

:)

Answer 8

if your child wont do his school work try to make it more fun make home work like its the best thing ever. take some time away from your schudual and help him, to him it might be over wellming. and make home work seem like it is much easier than it is. dont say things like 'this is a lot of work' 'this will take a long time' esc

http://www.hometown.aol.com/brightkidsru...

Answer 9

He's four of course he want to watch cartoons. You know what my parents did was they helped me with math by using chocolate kisses. I would move them across the counter like an abacus and when I was done I got to eat all of them. For every letter I learned I got a cake with the letter on it. Try something like that.

Answer 10

To ready him for classes, be sure he has the proper self-help skills. Can he get his shoes on/off, coat on/off without help? Do all his toileting independently? Does he know how to use materials like scissors, pencils, markers appropriately? Does he know how to listen quietly? take turns? walk in a single file line? All these skills will be much more important for him in pre-K and, if he has them, the teachers will be thrilled.

You'd be better off doing some art activities with him, taking him out on field trips to museums, and having playdates. Read lots of books and go to the library often. Keep him busy and moving and away from the TV. You might even consider unplugging it ("sorry - tv's broken") or getting rid of it entirely if it's become such an obsession.

Keep in mind that studies have shown that children who learn academic skills in a play-based environment  retain the skills better than those in a more strict teacher-directed setting. (just google it!)

He will learn writing and numbers in pre-K. Likely, if he has those skills, he will be proud and willing to show them off to his new teacher. Children are usually more excited to do work for and listen to the teacher more than their parents.

Now, when school starts, if he was work to do at home that's a different story. Set aside a special time and place for him to do any homework. The homework must be done before he's allowed to watch TV. Period. Be consistent with that to develop good study habits he will need later in school. Keep in mind that the recommended time for homework per night is 15 minutes per grade (15 for grade 1, 30 for grade 2, etc.). Dd had about 10 min of homework in K, so 5-10 minutes might be appropriate for pre-K, but keep it fun!

When dd was in kindergarten, I made sure she had time for outdoor play (letting off a little steam) and then a good healthy snack before asking her to do any assignments. Her K assignments consisted of at-home reading and the occasional project we did together, like a poster "all about me".

Answer 11

the others have all given very good advice, my additional two cents worth..

what you are teaching him by giving in to the tantrums is that he will get his way if he acts up. he obviously is very intelligent, and has learned manipulation. let him have his tantrums, and when he is ready to calm down a bit, have some new, exciting, challenging lessons awaiting him. even though he is very intelligent, his attention span may still be that of a 4 year old, so, do not make the lessons long. there are also probably lessons on DVDs that could work as the lesson and the TV. but, he needs to learn that screaming and kicking are not the answer.

congratulations, good luck

Answer 12

Hey,

Make it fun for him.  When I thought Kindergarten I had the children practice making letters with things like finger paint, pudding, and shaving cream.  If you spray a little shaving cream on a table he can use his fingers to write the letters.  (Its also great becuase it will clean the table.)  Dont force him to do it at his age he really shouldnt have homework and if you push him to much he will just end up hating school and becoming stressed out.  Also see if you can make a game out of spotting letters while you are driving.  See who can spot center letters in signs you see while you drive.  Incorporate what he is learning while you play with him.  Ask him to teach you.  Kids like to pretend that they are adults and get to take the teach the adults something.

Answer 13

if he does 10 minutes of work reward him with 5 minutes of games or something

Answer 14

I'd congratulate your son for having a good understanding of what is appropriate. Four year olds should not have to do homework. They time they spend in school requires a tremendous amount of self control and focus. They just cannot sustain it when they are at home. Give him lots of down time, provide him with lots of toys and books and limit TV watching but do not eliminate it completely,and find a preschool that emphasis learning through play and makes learning interesting and exciting. Too much emphasis on formal academics this young may well destroy your son's natural curiosity and eagerness to learn and turn him off school permanently.

Answer 15

Are you sure he is ready? My nephew was a very advanced child in pre-k he could already read on a second grade level. But emotionally he was not ready. This resulted in many tantrums and bad behavior. When the teachers told my sister he was emotionally not ready. She pulled him out. Waited until he was five almost six and put him into kindergarten where he excelled. In first grade he was reading on a fifth grade level. It is not only the brains that must grow it is the emotions also.

I think kids are forced to grow up too quick. Let him be a four year old and watch his cartoons (within reason) like most four year olds do.

On the other side a four year old's class probably does not send homework home. Most work will be done in class where there is no tv and all of his peers will be doing the same thing he is.

Get him ready by psyching him up, start a get up routine, mention school a lot with extra enthusiasm. That will help more than burning him out with work, before he actually has to work.

Answer 16

take away  the tv, sit with him while he does his work, praise him verbally and with affection, not with gifts, sweets or bribes

Answer 17

Four years old is quite young to expect a child to sit down and learn.  Young children learn through playing and exploring the world around them. The more they play, the more they explore and  the more they learn. To get him interested, in these activities, build off his interests.

Answer 18

My oldest was also very smart at a young age. He could write his name along with the entire alphabet and numbers. He could add at 3 years old. He loved to sit with me and draw write and read so I put him in an advanced pre-k class where they sat at a desk and did school work. He learned alot in this class including how to read but he also developed a hate towards learning because he wasn't ready for this kind of learning. Try teaching him in fun ways. He is still young and will love to learn if it is fun. Don't push him into it or punish him for not doing book work. You are obviously a good parent or he would not already know how to write his name or know his numbers. Why not let him write with chalk in the driveway or finger paint his numbers on the shower wall. Don't push him to grow up too fast... they do that on their own!!

Answer 19

Your saying "work", he's thinking "play."  Try re-framing the learning process, children learn more from "play" then they do from "work." TV can be a friend, but must be chosen carefully. Have you tried "Sesame Street"? Rather than fighting his wish to play, make play time learning time.

Answer 20

wowowoow im was born in october 1st cool

its called a good smacking lololol jkjkjk ok

well tell him if u do good i will get u something u know brib him a littl an if that dosnt work take him to one of those places that help kids to do better in school u know one of those classed they show in tv

Answer 21

This is the problem with early education. He might be advanced academically, however he is still only four. At this age the 'work' should be more like play. There are many things that can be taught through play. Any teacher that is working with a bright pre-schooler should know how to handle this. If they don't they are teaching the wrong age and type of child.

Answer 22

Seriously, 4 is very young.  If he can do the things that you say he can, then great!  He does not need to know them yet- but it really is great that he does.  

I would not make him sit down and do any kind of drill and practice or writing unless he wants to.  Play games with him (there are great card games and great educational games out there.)  Pencil and paper work might not be something he loves now- and if you put pressure on him to so he will HATE it ! At his young age you do not want him to get turned off to "school work."  He will be in schools for years and years and and turning him away now will have severe negative outcomes.  

There is a time and place for everything.  Allow him to watch a  little TV each day but the rest of the day encourage activities that your family supports...   Let him be a kid and encourage a love of learning...read to him, play with him and keep him moving!  You sound like you are a devoted parent- enjoy his precious youth- it does not last long.

Answer 23

Well my mother would tell you to whoop him until he does hiw rok but modern day parenting can be a bit more efficient and 'whoopins' aren't quite the solution.

my neices don't have a television in their room. And I don't let them watch tv until their work is done. When my neice throws a tantrum we put her on the naughty mat. It's just a little table placement cloth in the corner and she has to stand there for five minutes. If she gets off the mat her time starts over.

They also get dessert everyday. I told her if she got put on the naughty mat that means no dessert.

She kind of figured out that if she did her homework she would not only get dessert but five minutes of enjoyed playtime!

I also try to find out what she's doing and why she doesn't like it. If she's doing math I'll try to find ways for her to count things and look for shapes especially when grocery shopping.

when it's her reading day I'll take her for a drive and we'll look for signs and i'll look for a letter on a sign and she has to find a sign with the letter that comes after it in the alphabet.

It's a pretty good compromise.

Answer 24

bribe ur child with the things he likes, make doing homework fun and exciting thats wat my mum did when i was a kid and it worked or talk to his teacher

Answer 25

Childhood shouldn't be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

1.  She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

2.  He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations.  He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking.  He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

3.  She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination.  She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

4.  He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them.  If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

5.  She should know that the world is magical and that so is she.  She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous.  She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics.  Scratch that– way more worthy.

1.  That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

2.  That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children.  Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

3.  That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest.  We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours.  One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

4.  That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them.  Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books.  (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.)  They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

5.  That our children need more of us.  We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids.  Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood.  But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day.  That's not okay!  Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.

They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them.  They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night.  They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work.  They deserve to know that they're a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them. What does a 4 year old need?  Much less than we realize, and much more.

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Answer 26

Wow, I don't think I've ever heard of anything more developmentally INappropriate.  He is four years old.  Four year olds should not be expected to sit still for that long.

You are not being a good parents by forcing your young child to do things that he is not developmentally ready to do, if anything you are hurting him in the long run.  If you keep working with him like this he could grow up to be depressed or hating school work.  He'll be burnt out before he finishes elementary school.