My 4 year old son is saying that his sitter is hitting him..please read?

Question

I have my 4 year old son at an at- home daycare during the day while I am at work. I have to be a working mom because my fiancee works out of town so i dont have the option of staying home with him. He has been with this babysitter/daycare for the last 2 years, and he has NEVER had any signs of anything going on. he's never complained about her, and up until recently he always been happy to see her in the morning. He spoke with my fiancee on the phone one night and said that she had pushed him while he was on her stairs and told him "get out of the way, move" and that she made him fall causing him to hit his back on the stairs. (there was no bruising though) again, he has never had any problems out of her, and i talked to her about this when he first told me about it, and she said that nothing like that has happened and that he is the best behaved kid she has. just recently he started being upset when i drop him off in the morning. i dont understand why this problem would start up now, when it hasnt been going on at all for the last 2 years? what should i do to look further into this? and maybe this is just a phase he's going thru? other kids have hit him or bitten him in the past and he sees them get in trouble for it, so maybe he's just saying this so he can come to work with me everyday? i had to bring him to work with me about 2 weeks ago, for a couple of days...and that's when all of this seemed to have started? i'm stuck. thank you in advance for your answers. i know you'll steer me in the right direction :-)

Answer 1

you would think if she pushed him and caused him to hit his head there would be a bump or a bruise

Answer 2

i say set up a hidden camera, or ask the sitter how is he, say hes been rascal lately, like you had to discipline him, and see how she reacted

Answer 3

Honestly hun, about this age is when they start figuring out what lies are...and how to manipulate to get what they want or to push buttons to see how much they can get away with.  Even if she didn't push him, or hit him, maybe she didn't give him a snack that he wanted or anything small like that, and he's trying to get back at her.  I know that sounds awful, but I have a 5 year old girl, who, honestly, seems like she would be a perfect example of a pathalogical liar...and she does it, just to see if we believe her.  I even had to take her to a therapist, who saw her on her own....and she's doing much better.  Hope this helps...but I would ask the babysitter about it WHILE you have your child in the room with you.  See what happens.  You'll be able to tell if either one of them are lying.  Good Luck hun.  This is a difficult age!  lol

Answer 4

These little people are very smart and knowing that you would bring him to work with you over what he said would definitely spark him to complain again and see how far it could go.  Then again these are serious allegations, that you can't just chalk up to him wanting to be with you all day,  you can talk to the sitter again and explain what he is saying, you can tell your son that he needs a new sitter if this is what he is telling you.  Maybe he isn't being truthful, which I hope is the case, and he will realize that he won't be with her anymore and take back what he has said.  You need to go with your gut on this one.  Feel out the sitter when you talk with her, do you get the impression that she is honest or is she hiding something?  Good luck

Answer 5

talk to the daycare provider openly. Tell him/her what has been going on when you leave and what your son has been saying. They should want to talk freely with you about situations like this. Maybe this has been happening to someone else. Do not let it go. Your 4 year old son may just be trying to tell you something that he just cannot explain. Yes, maybe he does like being with mom, but if something is going on that you do not know about, may make it worse. Your son may be looking for attention from you. Give a little extra at home (I know it is hard sometimes) but talk to him while giving him a bath. Sounds dumb, but someone once told me to talk to them in the bath. They are relaxed and may open up better. This worked for us. When my son started pre-school, he would only talk about snack when I picked him up. During bathtime he opened up more. Good luck!

Answer 6

Honestly - I would believe my son over another woman any day.  If there are ANY doubts in your mind what-so-ever about how your son is being treated, look for another daycare system.  It may not be the easiest choice, but it's the best choice for your son.

Answer 7

youll never know the truth.. id rather be safer than sorry.

Answer 8

I agree with Paula Christine, I would find somewhere else. Have you watched the news about them daycare workers and they seemed so nice but the whole time they were abusing the children(Not saying yours is) But its always better to be safe than sorry. Your his momma and its your job to protect him..(Of course the daycare worker is going to sweet talk you, Your child makes her money.) Just follow your instinct and pray.

Answer 9

this sounds very typical. at this age most children start lying to get what they want. yes, this may have happened, but it might have been an accident, and he might be blowing it way out of proportion. talk to your childcare provider, and don't hold back. if it seems like she is holding back or lying about anything, start looking for new childcare for him. you want him to be happy if he has to be there everyday, so find somewhere that he will be happy in. ask him why he wants to go to work with you and not go to daycare. if he is serious and what he is saying is true, then you need to tell your providers licenser. this would be the lady that is on the certificate proving that she is licensed to be a childcare provider, which should be hanging on the wall in the area that the children play in. your providers licenser needs to know what your son is saying. this is really for the safety of your child, and the other children at the daycare. good luck, and i really hope your son is ok. i have grown up with my mom and step mom having home day-cares, and  it can be really hard. i have seen kids come out of horrible day-cares, and there parents couldn't tell that there was anything wrong until the kids started crying during drop off time. you need to make sure you aren't prolonging the goodbyes. walk in, sign him in, kiss hug and leave. you staying there while he is crying is only making it worse and harder for him. make sure he is safe and happy, and you should be fine.  

Answer 10

Install a nanny cam

find out for yourself

Answer 11

If your child is saying something is going on I would definitely talk to other parents and find out if they're kids are saying things are going on at daycare. Even if he is lying about her hitting him there is a reason he no longer wants to be there and that would be enough reason for me.

Answer 12

Is he saying that she is hitting him?  It sounds like he told you about one incident where she pushed him and now he is uncomfortable about going to the sitter.

If he saying that he is being hit then I would take this very seriously. Contact a child psychologist or go to your paediatrician and tell them everything before you take any further steps.

If it is the case that he just wants to stay with you. This could be because you took him to work, or because the sitter has changed. Does she seem stessed? Is there anything in her personal life that could affect her behaviour? Try a reward system that he can go out for the day with you and do something special if he is really good in the morning.  

Also is it possible that it is another child that is bullying him?

I think you have to talk to the sitter, don't change your child to a new sitter without really investigating this, he has been with her for 2 years, he needs to trust you and feel that you are here to protect him.

Tell her that you think he wants to go to work with you and is playing up and ask her how you can work together to settle him again.

Do you have a daily record of what he did/ate etc? If not I suggest you get one, talk to her about how she disciplines him, tell her how you do, tell her what you think works ask her what she thinks works.

You could try a role play game with your child. Young children will give you a magical glimpse into their world, how they perceive things and what is bothering them. At a teddy bears picnic for example where he is in charge of where they sit and what they eat, observe what he says and does. He is playing at being an adult and will show you how he thinks adults are supposed to behave. If you see anything that concerns you, again contact someone.

Finally ask him open questions like 'why are you sad?' 'what happens when children don't behave well?' 'what kind of things do children do that gets them into trouble?' 'how does that make you feel?' You will probably get a lot of 'I don't knows' which is normal. Don't ask leading questions like 'are you playing up because you want to go to work with mummy' or 'does .....hit you?' because 4 year olds will give you the answer they think you want to hear, rather than the truth.

I hope everything goes well