My 4 year old son keeps hitting children in school and showing other aggressive/defiant behavior,what to do?

Question

I am the mother of 5 and am just exhausted trying to get this to stop he has also started hitting his baby brothers....HELP

Answer 1

Your first mistake was in having five children.... there is just so much of you, so it is divided too thinly, isn't it?  

Here's hoping you can afford some help, some day care centers and the like.

I'll bet you're exhausted...and likely you will be for the next 20 years or so.

Answer 2

Request from the school a FBA (functional behavioral assessment). They can assess his behaviors and put an IEP (Individual Education Plan) in place...The IEP team (which includes you) would need to consider positive and effective ways to address that behavior. The team would discuss the positive behavioral interventions, strategies, and supports that the child needs in order to learn how to control or manage his or her behavior. If the team decides that the child needs a particular service (including an intervention, accommodation, or other program modification), they must include a statement to that effect in the child's IEP.

You may also want to look at your health insurance to see if they cover behaviorial counseling..if they do you can have a behaviorial counselor (usually a  licensed pyschologist) come to your home and work not only with him on behaviorial techniques but they will with you as well to use with your son.

Answer 3

THere has to be immediate consistent  consequences for his behaviour.

Get help from his teachers, remove him fromt he clasroom when he hits, put him in  a room by himself at home when he hits.

Give him positive attention when he least expects it, he needs some positive attention, but negative attention is better than no attention to him.

This will take time, but work together with his teachers to get through it.

Talk to him, but make it no nonsense. He needs to stop this, but reward him for  when he is  acting appropriately too.

Answer 4

well if you watch super nanny her method is the best I've seen 4 kids of all ages if he hits give him a warning and say that he does not hit it is not nice if he dosnt stop  then he will go  to the naughty corner or chair or something (pick something to be that and tell him about it) then if he does that again or anything that is naughty bring him there and make him sit there 4 four minutes and restart the time if he gets up if he keeps getting up it will be hard at first and there will be alot of crying but h**l learn and amazingly enough you ll see a change in him really fast because he wont want to be sent to the naughty chair or whatever h**l stop mibehaving  behaving all together also discuss this method with his teacher and tell her to use it too and he will learn it is wrong all together and every where hope this helped

Answer 5

you spank him. then you start making him do chores around the house. take away his video games if he has any and take away the TV he might be coping things he sees on them. if that does not work ask him why he does that.

Answer 6

Make sure there's not something happening that you don't know about. Kids might not be sharing toys with him, and he doesn't know how to show his anger through words. At home, he might want attention, so he hits his baby brothers, who take up alot of your time.

Watch him more closely at home, and, if you see him about to hit, make sure you stop the process by using words. Something like, "Mommy will be able to spend time with you as soon as I change this diaper."

Also, ask his preschool teacher if you can watch what happens in school for a morning or even an hour. He's obviously not afraid of hitting in front of you, so he should probably act like he usually does in preschool. Watch what happens when he hits. Was it because a teacher played favorites? Or did it happen all on its own (pretty unlikely).

Spanking is not the way to go, though. If he is hitting kids because he is angry at them, the way to stop it is not by hitting him. That would just reinforce his behavior by telling him, "I don't like what you're doing, so I am going to hurt you" this may be why his is violent in the first place, so you showing him that you do the same behavior as him would not help.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Punish him or take away privileges. A 4 year old must be behaved and tell/talk to him about it. He must learn to be well-behaved.

Answer 8

You are going to have to follow through with consequences each and every time he hits.  You will need to give up everything else to do this the first couple of times, so start it when your husband is around.

You and your husband need to have a short and sweet talk with him.  Tell him that hitting is never good.  If he chooses to hit somebody instead of using his words or walking away, then he is going to go to time.  He's probably going to turn into the most stubborn child you've ever seen the first time you do it, but keep at it religiously and you should see a difference.

If you continue to see a problem after a couple of weeks, contact a child psychologist.  I know it sounds extreme, but aggression is serious.  This does not need to effect his education (how long before kindergarten?)  or his self esteem.  Don't let him set this pattern early and risk hurting his younger brother and sisters.

Answer 9

Is this learnt behaviour? Has he got the idea from somewhere that this is the right thing to do? If so, you need to ask who.