My 4 year old step daughter and attitude.?

Question

My husbands daugter is four years old. And she has the worst attitude. Mostly towards me. My sister and her daugter live with me, and occasionally she will give them attitude too. Not as bad though. I have never yelled at her or spanked her or anything. I dont want to be that kind of step mom. I have tried to talk to her about it she just dont listen. But I cant handle her attitude. She thinks she can tell me what to do and tell me what is going on in MY house. My husband has tried different disciplinary actions but she still does it. She dont give him attitude like she does me. I had to leave last weekend because I couldnt handle it. Its OUT OF CONTROL. Any one else have this problem or any ideas to help? She even does it towards her dad some times. I dont know what to do anymore.

Answer 1

maybe she does not like you or try to talk to her

Answer 2

for all stepmoms this is like that.i can tell caz i used to that to mine.it wasn't easy for us to get a stepmom so u must understand that this is new for her and give her a little time and understand her feeling . maybe she beleives u will take her moms place and explain her u are not.leave it clear u only want the best.now tell ur husband u are going to add a liiitttllee bit if discipline. you'll see she will get a better attitude. i can tell

Answer 3

i think the problem is that youre her step and you dont want to seem mean or harsh BECAUSE youre her step mom.

just treat her as you would treat your own child.

im saying, dont be afraid to discipline her.

a spanking now and then actually works. instill fear, but not like a dictator obviously. :)

Answer 4

Dont spank her as you have no rights to do so,wheres her mom?maybe her mom has some part in the attitude shes giving you,talk to your husband..I admire your patience

Answer 5

when she starts to give you an attitude tell her you are not going to listen to her until she can speak nicely and you walk away.  If she is giving you attitude because you want her to do something, tell her until she listens to what you want, follows through and speaks nicely she can go sit at the place of your choosing.  Every time she is rude you could also try taking a privilege or a toy away.  it is good you are trying to deal with this now, because as she gets older she will think she is boss and never listen to anyone.

Answer 6

I understand, my boyfriends daughter who turned 5 last month backtalks, doesn't listen, bossy, arguementive. I am the one who is with her the most as well. It has been diffucult, however things are STARTING to work. My mom gave me the idea of a point system. Ive implimented it. its helped. She starts off the day everyday with 10 points, every time she does one of the above things, I warn her I tell her that she needs to stop what shes doing or I will have no choice but to take a point away. If she continues I take away a point, I tell her specifically WHY she has lost that point and that if she doesn't act like a big girl that another one will be taken away, however if she listens the next time she can earn it back (very important..so she doesn't feel like she has to be perfect that she can fix a wrong). I started off with just buying her a few toys so it was a me and her thing, that she had to have all 10 points when daddy came home or she wouldn't get her toy. THen that started to go down hill a little bit (ran out of toys) and so daddy sttepped in. I had taken away a couple of her toys because she was real bad. Daddy walked in and she said "Julie's being mean, she won't play with me" I told her that if she wants one one playing attention she had to stop the tantrum and be nice and she could let me know when that was. She got in trouble that day. First time dad actually took my side. As I had told him when he called that she wasn't being good. He told her to say she was sorry to me, she was suppose to stand in front of me and tell me she was sorry, eye contact, she wouldn't. So TV was turned off and she was in her room till she came in and wanted attention, he asked here again and tried again. She apologized that time. He then told her basically that she had to be good with me or she would be getting spanked. A little while later she wanted to spend sometime with daddy, and she rarely if ever wants to have me join and she wanted me to join. Before bedtime she said to me, "In the morning I will play nice". Next day was a typical 5 year old day, it was better then day before with a rough patch here and there. However the next day was very good, I even gave her a popcicle in the middle of the day..never do that...and when daddy got home I was so happy to tell her what a good girl she was...and daddy rewarded her too.. So she is starting to realize that we are on the same team....she knows daddy loves her and she is number one, but she starting to realize that im not a threat but i just want the best for her. Especially if daddy approves or doesn't approve then she knows its the right thing. Its absolutely ESSENTIAL that he backs you up EVERY DAY. GOOD or BAD. Whether its a piece of candy or a privlage that she and daddy only do. Or its taking away privlages you can't, or giving her a spanking if he believes in that, its the fact that hes backing you up.on another level thats above you, so she doesn't want that. Yes, I know its the "Dad is the bad guy, or wait till your father gets home thing" but I believe in blended family's that essential...she will never see y ou as her mom, so you don't rank as high as dad..so dad needs to have the ultimate authority. If hes there, if you don't HAVE to say something, meaning if its just something thats annoying but not harmful or something serious..let it go...let dad be the boss. Always back him up when hes home, but don't discipline if its not absolutely nessary.

One thing to mention is, try to be intuned with her. if she starts being crabby, ask her the questions, "is something bothering you?", " Do you feel icky?, "Are you tired?", "are you hungry?"...Don't forget to ask yourself...what HAS she had to eat...sugar??? maybe shes had too much and crashing, or maybe she ate it on an empty stumach and have no good food to balence it out...try to problem solve...I have been more intuned with her that way and thatas lessoned a few fights as, she gets crabby i think about why and try to figure out how to fix it or how to avoid it in the future. Remmeber shes just a kid.

Answer 7

I have been a step mother and it is not an easy job.

If I could do it over again, I would forget the discipline and spend more time doing fun things with the child.  Children naturally behave better for people they like.

Also, most 4 year olds are going through a stage where they have "attitude", so don't think it is aimed specifically at you - she is probably like that with other people too.

Is she trying to tell you what to do because she feels like it IS her house?  Did she visit her Dad or did she live there before you lived there?  That could be a problem.

Anyway, good Luck!  She won't always be 4!

Answer 8

Number one there is no consitency to the discipline so the poor child has no idea what is coming next.  Number two..stop "talking to her" she is 4 years old not 14, her mind doesn't work like an adults, it works like a 4 year old child and listening is not their forte'.  The reason it is out of control is her father using different disciplinary methods rather than picking ONE and sticking to it.  With small children you have to use the same method over and over and over and over and over and over.  Not change it because it worked one week but didn't work the next.  I pity this poor child because both of her parents are making her life a living h**l and she is only 4 years old.

Answer 9

Come up with a consistant rule and determine what the punishment is, then stick with it. My son is 4 and has attitude sometimes, usually when he's tired or hungry, but sometimes just because he's 4. If she gets put in time out 20 times a day at first than do it. She'll get the idea that you and your husband are boss and will change her behavior.

Answer 10

I agree with the poster who suggested asking her questions about why she is acting that way - is she cranky? Hungry? Her mom sounds like a pain in the butt too, and you don't know what she's hearing about you from her own mom.

I agree about you with the spanking thing. I think it would damage your relationship than make her wake up and listen to you.

Good luck, it's more than likely just a phase!

Answer 11

She feels betrayed that her folks aren't together any more. She hates you because you represent the fact that they will never get back together. Children of divorce see the step parent as the reason their home is split, and/or often blame themselves for the split. She may also be getting some negative info from her mom about you. Dad needs to talk to Mom about the attitude and see if she is at least partly responsible. When all else fails, try counselling. Your local health dept will have free or low-cost services available.