My 4 yr old neice has a behavioral problem, how do I handle it?

Question

I know she is my neice and it should not be my problem or maybe none of my business but t is so severe that I can't enjoy visiting with my family. I have a 2&1/2 year old and they are really the only playmates each has known.But they fight so horribly over everything and I can not find a solution.It has caused arguments for me and my sis-n-law and my brother but we are so close that we should not have to stop visiting because we can't agree.Let me try to explain a lil of the situation.My neice has been very advanced since she was a baby.I mean talking in full sentences and counting and knowing all her shapes and colors.As she got older she was able to ask questions about things that normal kids would not think to ask and her ability to comprehend the answers is phenomenal.Sounds great right?Well it was accompanied by this behavioral problem.She screams uncontrolably and she has also been able to lie from an early age.She has a very sneaky devious side.She can't just hug or kiss u sweetly, she grits her teeth and almost trembles with with this uncontrolable urge to squeeze u as hard as she can as if to hurt u(it is alil scary).My daughter is obviously a lil younger than her and she is average for her age.She is your typical mischevious lil kid but she has never lied to me.She fesses up if she hits or if she broke something.Well lately I have caught my neice getting directly in her face and growling at her or if someone is around and she knows they can hear but not see, she gets in her face and grits her teeth and makes the awfulest faces.I watch her like a hawk because sometimes my child gets treated unfairly because my neice is such an avid liar.Her parents never see what I see because she is so careful not to get caught.But sisnlaw runs to me about every lil thing that my child does and expects me to correct her.I don't feel the need to, because I am not always sure that she was not provoked.Toys are a nightmare!It is to the point that I just lock all the toys away because they fight so bad.I have tried to buy the same exact toy for each and they still fight because my neice will end up trying to trade with my daughter.My neices mom has taught her that if she wants a toy that my daughter has that she should wait til she puts it down and then take it.Well being as smart as she is, she finds ways to trick her into putting it down and then snatch and then my child cries for it back and she tells her mom, "Oh she put it down" and her mom takes up for her. then taunts her with it by waving it in her face while her mom isn't looking.She senses my hesitence to get on to her in front of her mom so she is somewhat bold in front of me so I see alot more.But her parents think that I am only looking out for my child and that is the truth but my child is more innocent or naive. what can I do?What is her problem and how can I help if she is not my child?How do I deal with her without causing more problems btween me and my brother.And despite the problems my daughter is really attached to my neice and honestly loves her.We didn't see them once over these kind of problems for 2-3 months and everyday without fail my daughter asked for my neice and wanted to know when she could see her.

PLEASE HELP! I LOVE MY FAMILY BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS.

There are lots of other problems that I haven't mentioned like biting scratching and hitting her Mom when no one else is around(or so her mom says)Is it possible that my neice is being mistreated and is acting out becauseof it? The screaming that I mentioned got the DHS called on her mom and they came to investigate and found no fault.And also once she fell and scratched her face(I was there and saw it happen)and it left a scar but a couple of months later she got sick and had to be taken to the ER and the doctor asked her about it and she lied and said her dad did it and they did a thorough examination of her to make sure she wasn't being abused and again found no fault.My brother loves her dearly and would never hurt her , why did she lie?What is going on with this child?

Answer 1

I reccommend that you should treat your niece for doin nice things for example when i did bad things my mom would tell me that it is not right and after if i did something correctly she would give me pieces of  candy to reward me for doing stuff corectley

Answer 2

YIKES! she sounds like a psycho! i am really sad to hear this problem. sometimes kids are just rotten, though. i would limit and reduce time spent with her and your daughter will just have to deal with it. this would be a time when "because mommy said so" works. her parents will never see what you see so just do your best to not hurt their feelings. good luck

Answer 3

Thank you for spacing out none of it...

Answer 4

tell her mommy

Answer 5

thats a long question.  

Answer 6

Wow that's really long. Space is out maybe to get better answers.  

Answer 7

I cant say why she is lying at such a young age since I am not a medical professional, but if I were you I would limit the amount of time they are together and of course never leave them alone. You can make visits with them shorter, you dont have to make them less frequent.  

Answer 8

its unfair that there parents like that! they think they re child is the an angel when theyre not! you may have to have an adult meeting and sit down with them and talk it out.

you could secretly video tape the kids with a cell phone and show them.

but just try to calmly talk with them first about it. if they dont get it maybe keep your child away from her for awhile.  

Answer 9

Its obvious that she has some issues most likely due to lack of discipline.  Personally, I would cut off the amount of time I allow my child to spend with her even though she is family.  Find other playmates or add another playmate, someone your child plays well with.  

Also, try becoming a play partner when your child and your niece are together so that you can monitor every move and be right there when something happens.  Use positive guidance and redirection as much as possible.  Even encourage sis-in-law to become a play partner so all of you can play together.

Talk to your sis-in-law and voice your desire to want to improve the relationship.  Try not to make her feel as if her child is the problem. Try not to point fingers.  Voice your concerns like......

"I'm concerned our kids are not playing well together.  What do you think we could do to help them"

Try your best not to point fingers because everyone, EVERYONE gets defensive when it comes to their children.  Be opened to her ideas and try them even if you know they will not work.  Let her see for herself.  

I hope this was somewhat helpful