My 5 year old has had 2 weeks at school now its the holidays and she starts again next term,?

Question

how do i go about leaving her at school without her getting upset, and theni get upset because i left her crying, she is fine once i have gone its just prying her of me to leave and saying good bye

She was happy to be left at kindy have never had this before she has been left at childcare centres no tears, just started with school

Answer 1

yes, we had the same problem, at playgroup i had to stay with my son until he got involved in play then i could leave quietly - when he started school we had to talk to him calmly and say that we had to say goodbye for a while, mummy is going to be busy while you play with all these children, we did let the teacher know that leaving him could be a problem and we were allowed to take out time and take him into the classroom to sit with the others for registration then quietly leave - but there was a time he realy didnt want me to go and he sobbed his heart out i realy didnt want to leave hm like that - the teacher snatched him away from me and told me to leave - that was the most awful trick ever - i cried on my way home and had to ring the headmistress later to see if he was ok - which in fact he was - but please dont ever let it get to that stage - just reassure your daughter that once you have done all your jobs you will be waiting for her as the bell rings - it is a difficult one and having been through it i do know how upsetting it is for you and your daughter - during the holidays start thinking, not worrying, about how you can make things easier for her and you, a little role-play may be a good idea - - i hope this has been some kind of help and if you want to contact me feel free to email - good luck and best wishes - but please dont ruin your chiristmas worrying - these things do tend to sort themselves out given time and understanding from all involved - take care. Happy Christmas

Answer 2

That is always a concern of parents and can be difficult on children, but they are quick to adjust.  Often children have more difficulty transitioning to Kindergarten because it is a new and unfamiliar environment, there tends to be more rules, new children and more "work" than play at this age.  In a  childcare center, children are often allowed to play more than learn new concepts and when they transition into Kindergarten the dynamic of the classrooms are usually quite different.  

Typically, there is about a 2-3 week transition period with most new Kindergarteners.  Once your child adapts to her new environment you will find that you leaving isn't an issue.  My guess is your child is not the only one in her class with seperation anxiety, but know that this will come to an end once your child becomes more comfortable in her new enviroment and has made friends!  Good luck in your situation and Happy Holidays!

Answer 3

you dont say if this is the first time your child has ever been away from you or not. most children are very aware and know that parents are upset about how their child may or may not fit in with school and its routine, and they may not understand why, so they will act out how they feel to see their parent reactions and if they can get their way (go home where there are no demands on their personal time and actions).  All children (or almost all) really enjoy school and the social interaction with others.  



I am a parent and have worked with children and families for over 20 years, and all (or almost all of children) go through a period of transition, of varying length.  I have had children with little or no reaction of the start of school, and others who have cried for anywhere from a few minutes to several hours ( and multiple days). I found that for the benefit of both parent and teacher, that using a camera to record the activities of the day (showing the children and their reactions to the activities and school in general) help the most through this period.  the transitional period generally lasts anywhere from a few days to up to six weeks.  also you need to try to meet with the teacher at least once during this period to let the teacher know if there is anything else in the childs family life that may overtly effect a childs well-being (changes in family life, an injury/illness, etc) so that the teacher is aware and can make allowances in the classroom.  Also if your child is having problems it is best for both of you, if you leave after saying good-bye at the door, and then leave immediately (this cuts down on the continued crying and of the parent of causing the child more anguish ie seeing the parent upset or crying) and then making sure you are there and waiting for your child at the end of their day (or at least letting your child know who will be there to get them), but make sure you are not peeking in the windows or doors this will upset not only your own child, but others too.

Answer 4

The bottom line is she has to go to school once she is 5 or you make arrangements to educate her at home. If she settles when you have gone then don't worry shes just finding the transision hard, but that is life even at 5 . Ask a neighbour or family friend to take her and ask school to buddy her up with an older child who will meet her in the play ground.Children often make less fuss with people who aren't emotionally attatched.Use star charts and rewards for going in without a fuss. Good luck remember this too will pass,

Answer 5

talk to her let her know you know how shee feels that it it okay to miss you but she will see you agiain soon.  children can very easily sense your stress, you make a big deal out of something they think oh god moms flippin' out c**p it's got to be bad.....well not in those words but in that process, when a child gets a gnarly injury that would normally make you upset or cry (if it happened to you) don't make anything mor then an oh my, goodness thats a good one (no it is no easy) and they will think nothing more then what you do ow well whoops oh boy spongebob band aides.....children will look to your reaction to something, before they have their own (this is usually in younger children) destress don't treat it as though it is a big deal your daughter can sense that, if she sees you want to cry but don't then she may follow to suit,but tell her you understand she misses you and doesn't want to go and  that she is upset, mad, angry, frustreated, ask her why she doesn't want to go if she doesn't have an answer it may be nothing more the good old fasion seperation anxiety.  try going to babycenter.com or parents.com they have great helpful tips on seperation anxiety. be loving but firm no matter how angry she gets.. she just has to go.... besides if a teacher has yet to approch you about problems with her (her crying all day anger or acting out) then no worrys, talk to her teacher....they go through this every year they can give you tips how to handle it yourself and be able to help you help her.

Answer 6

you just have to let her go

Answer 7

I have had a lot of children go through our preschool that have such problems separating. Each case is different and special just like the child him/herself.  You know what is best for your child. Some children just need the teacher to take her and distract her with a toy or book.  We have had parents sit through an entire class and then stay for shorter and shorter times.  Tell her I will stay til story time and then tell her you will be back and then please, don't be late!!  We had one child who just had a hard time because he was used to waving to his daddy through the window - he now has his own special spot at the window where he waves to his dad.  He jumps down from the chair and his day is great.  It's just figuring out what will work for each individual child that is the tough part. I do know that if your child is crying and clinging to you, the best thing you can do is let the teacher take her and leave.  Staying and letting her cry gets her more and more upset and then she will have an even harder time stopping herself.  Part of kindergarten is growing up and separation is a  big part of that.  Let the teacher take her, go home and give them a call - I bet the teacher will tell you "oh she's playing and is just fine".  That has sure been my experience with students in my 18 years of teaching.  Good luck - I know it's a very difficult part of parenting, leaving your child unhappy.

Answer 8

I know its really difficult. My daughter cried and had to be prised off me from when she started school at 4 right to the age of nearly 8!! But i know that no matter how awful i felt (left feeling like rubbish for the rest of the day!), she had calmed down and was fine within 10 minutes! Thats motherhood!!!

Answer 9

Hi Angelina, I have a 5 year old in Kindy but he's only cried in preschool the first two days. I can't imagine why your little one can tolerate your abscence in daycare and kindy but now not?

Maybe you should (if your able to) stick around for a little while at the beginning of the class and not go right away. If she sees you there watching in the corner then she'll go about the class w/o crying maybe. Then slip out the door when she doesn't see you...it sounds cruel but it might work.

Other reasons might be her surroundings are not as familiar as before, maybe she's uncomfortable more now that she's a bit older, more aware of her likes and dislikes...have you talked with her in a way that she can describe what she is crying about? Does she have classmates she likes/dislikes?

I have only one son and this is new to me but separation anxiety is tough on parents and little ones but I'm sure it'll pass in time. Have you talked to her teacher on the phone or in class? Is there anyone else that could drop her off at school ( a couple times ) just to see if she cries the same when they leave verses you leaving?

Goodluck, it'll get better!

Answer 10

go to school with her

Answer 11

You can't take a child an "dump" her/him off at school without some preparing the child (mentally).  In the weeks before school begins, discuss kindergarten with your child. Express enthusiasm and excitement at all she is going to learn. Try to evoke responses from your child to see how she may be feeling. Don't overdo it and don't force the topic, if your child is not interested or seems unwilling to discuss it. The main idea is to make kindergarten something exciting to look forward to, rather than something to fear.

Here's a website that you should find helpful:

Good Luck!

http://school.familyeducation.com/kinder...

Answer 12

it doesn't matter whether you wait with your child for 5 minutes or an hour if she is going to cry when you leave she will do it whatever you are just prolonging the agony of it.  Plenty of children cry when their parents first leave, she has gone into a new setting with new people and everything is unfamiliar.  She just has to get used to it.  

I completely disagree with the answer about preparing your child by talking to them about what they are going to be doing.  We often find that this makes things far worse as it gets built up into a great big event when it needn't be.  This in turn makes the child even more anxious and then gets more and more upset.  The best thing to do is completely change subject and not even mention school.  If she has just been there all day then she probably wants to just spend a bit of time with you not thinking about it anyway.

I wouldn't worry too much this is a completely normal reaction

good luck

Answer 13

A lot of time jids will give mom and dad fits. Because it is their way of getting to the parent. Try not to stay so long with her in the morning. When you pick her up. Sit down and play with her and her friends for a few minutes. Showing her that this is a wonderful place.

Answer 14

That would be a red flag to me. If she has never cried before this then maybe she isn't getting along with another child or with her teacher/ I had the same thing happen with my daughter - she was fine going to daycare but then she moved up to the next age level and had a different class/teacher. All of a sudden she would cry when i left her - clinging and crying and just msierable - I tried staying for 1/2 hour and getting her warmed up, rewarding her for not crying etc etc and nothing worked. She always was fine when I picked her up and would never tell me what was bothering her. Then I switched her to a preschool and suddenly she was fine again. I asked her about the old teacher and she told me that she would say things in a mean tone of voice and just had a kind of nasty attitude with the kids sometimes - things like not taking the rock out of a child's sandal at the playground "because your mom knows you should wear shoes to daycare" or "you need to tell your mom not to send you in pull ups any more" (to a 2 1/2 year old child) The negativity was weighing my daughter down and she just didn't want to be around her any more but couldn't tell me for herslef  at the time (she was 3).

I have also done some student teaching in pre-k and kindergarten classes and have been shocked at some of the stuff I've seen - teachers crumpling a child's paper because she didn't like his work, children made to color for over 90 minutes to finish a silly project (wouldn't YOUR hand be cramped after 90 minutes?!) Teachers refusing to open milk cartons for children or making them throw food items away because they couldn't open them on their own - as one teacher put it "they need to learn and I'm not here to baby them like their moms do".

Not all teachers are that way of course, but I would see if you could spend a few hours observing your daughter's class and see how things are run. It could also be that she is not getting along with another child. Or maybe she is having seperation anxiety because of a movie or tv that she saw that is worrying her? Once my son saw a woman get hit by a car on tv and thereafter he would get very anxious any time I crossed a street - making me wait until no cars were even in sight before we crossed. Or maybe someone just left her life or came into her life and she is unsettled with the change? I definitely would explore this further to see WHY she is this way because there is a reason, you just need to find it.

Good luck!