My 5 year old has turned to a mean little girl.?

Question

My 5 year old daughter ( who just finished pre-school and is home all day for the summer) has become a little monster. She is constantly whining,says nobody loves (because no one wants to be around her while she is hollering and whining) I am recently watching a 4year old boy in his home. They yell at each other and fight constantly. He at least trys to be nice, but she wont have it. Yesterday his mother and I took then to a pool party and they fought the whole way there,mostly her fault. She was singing a song this morning and I asked her what it was and she told me to just leave her alone. She is not listening and when I make her listen she calls me mean. I do not get much alone time with her, but I try to treat her special so she knows that she is not being replaced by other kids. What do i do. I can not take this any more.

Answer 1

She is testing her parameters and YOU.

It is YOU who must remain the adult and in control.  When she does not act in the way that you wish her to act, punish her..physically if necessary.. but punish.

When she does act properly, reward her.

Do not tolerate misbehavior or she will turn into a demon that you just won't understand.

Answer 2

Lay down the law!  When she starts that arguing in the car threaten to pull over & spank her.  If she does it again- follow through with your threat!  I had to do that with my son & a state trooper pulled up beside me & asked what was wrong... I told him I told my son if he misbehaved again I was going to pull over & spank him, he glanced over @ my car & said "well, my mom had to do that to me a few times." & went on!  I don't mean to abuse her, but if nothing else is working you have got to show her somehow that you r in charge, not her!  As for the attention, it would be no different than if she had a sibling.. she will get used to "sharing" you as long as she is showed love, and it sounds as if you are doing a good job of that.

Answer 3

just an idea but maybe you could plan a special day with her......do things she enjoys but don't spoil her so she thinks she can just get what she wants. do fun things like go watch a film play games. i donno

Answer 4

I went through the same thing with my oldest child,  he went to kindergarten and I was babysitting my nephew.  He resented the fact that he had to go away and my nephew got to stay with me.  

She will grow out of it,  and it helped a little,  when I took him to do special things like swimming,  to the movies, things that my nephew could not do.  

ignor her whining, correct her being cruel to the other child because no matter what this is not acceptable behavior.

point out what she is doing good and make sure you give her lots of attention for good behavior.  that is what she is wanting anyways.  And make alone time with her even if it is letting her stay awake while you put him down for a nap.   Use that time to tell her that you miss her and do things with her like read a book, hold her close and snuggle, or just talk quietly.

You do know that kids that are around each other do fight alot.   It would help if you kept every thing structured, meaning adult lead activities.   dance  to a movement song,  play games like duck duck goose,  do arts and crafts,   keep them buisy.   then they wont have time to fight or get on each others nerves so much.  

When you are not babysitting, don't be around the other child.  make that time just for her and if you do go on an outing with the mom and her son,  make sure you let his mom take care of him and you take care of her.  

5 year old kids are verry self absorbed that is just how they are.   She will grow out of it unless you give into the whining and tantrums.

Answer 5

The next time she starts being mean tell her that if she doesn't stop she will get a spanking.  At that point, unless you have spanked her in the past, (which it doesn't sound like given her behavior issues) she will probably ignore you and continue to misbehave.  Then tell her that she will now be getting a spanking and explain why she is getting spanked.  Then spank her.  By spanking I mean 3-6 hard swats on her bare butt with your hand.  

Afterwards explain again why you spanked her and make it very clear to her that she will get another spanking if she misbehaves again.  The next time she starts to act up, ask her if she wants a spanking.  This time she'll say no, whereupon you should tell her that if she continues (her bad behavior) you'll spank her.  She'll almost certainly stop at this point, in which case the problem will be solved.  If by some small chance she does not then you'll have to remind her to by giving her another spanking.  If you don't than she will think that you will not follow through when you make a threat and any warnings you make in the future will be meaningless.  She should very quickly learn to respect your authority.

Answer 6

I have noticed in the neigborhood that 5 can be a mean time for girls.  they discover the power they have in using words and whining, but haven't yet learned to control the power.  All the girls seemed to outgrow it in a few months and I am not sure if what the parents did made much of a difference or if the kids taught each other.

We did some time outs and some direct teaching about how to take turns, what it feels like if someone says i don't want to be your friends.  Talking about it seems to work especially  well when it is first done with dolls or about other kids.  Then when my daughter started to act up I could just remind her.  A long lecture in the heat of the moment was basically lost.

Hang in there.  My now nearly 6 year old is a sweetie again.

Answer 7

I would put her in a time out when she speaks to you disrespectfully. That includes sassy answers like "leave me alone". Kneel down to her level, look her in the eyes, and give her a warning about her behavior. Tell her she'll get a time out if she doesn't stop being nasty. If she continues, get down on her level again, look her in the eyes, and tell her your putting her in a time out for...whatever it is she's done. be calm, and assertive, and stick to your guns.

Also, maybe spend a bit of extra alone time with her. Maybe she is a bit jealous of the new boy. She could also be a bit bored, and need some knew and exciting things to do. How about a trip to the beach, or a bike ride, just you and her?

Answer 8

Tell her that is unacceptable behavior, and put her in time out the next time she acts that way.

Answer 9

I know this sound awful simplistic and old fashioned---but rather than look for a lot of deep answers--have you tried spanking?

Answer 10

What you need to do is take her somewhere and show her how she is acting and when she is good reward her get like a little box and fill it up with treats when she is good give her a treat when she is bad don't give her a treat when she is really good you give her a few treats if that dosen't work than get a chart and when ever she is good you put a sticker on it when she is bad take of a sticker!

Answer 11

It could be something that she learned fromvone of the other kids when she was in school.  ALL kids go thru this phase though.  I remember doing it to my Mom too, and my 6 year old is going thru the tale end of it.  It lasts for about a year.  You have to set perimeters with her though.  A lot of it is seeing how far she can push and control you.  If she can't behave with other kids, than don't let her attend that birthday party or what not.  Yes, she'll whine, she'll pitch a fit, and throw a tantrum, but my little one is finally realizing her she can go do these things, if she behaves.  She is realizing that what other kids can do and get away with she can't.  It's all part of thier emotional/mental development.  Afterwards ask her if she understands why, and explain to her that if she continues to act like this than she'll continue to lose these privilages.  That it isn't because you don't love her, but because you DO love her.  If she talks back, don't just reprimand her, but take away a toy or place her in time out.  When she is good reward her, and explain why she is being rewarded.  Go on that speacial Mommy and Daughter Day out shopping or to the park for a picnic.  

It is hard on your patience, but the fact that you haven't blown your top yet, shows that you have a heck of a lot more patience than myself.  I seriously do applaud you for that fact, lol!  Just bear with it though.  In time it will pass on to the next stage of development and you'll be confronted with new issues.  

Until thier teens than you wonder if they are regressing.

Answer 12

be more strict!!!

being nice is not gonna get you anywhere with these bad kids now days!!

Answer 13

maybe the lil boys teaching her stuff she souldent know...like how to act like a lil monster...and maybe that lil boys not as sweet as you put him out to be!

Answer 14

Tell her to behave herself. Tell her "Listen to me while I'm talking to you" She needs to know how to behave that's why she's mean. She thinks your being too hard on her. That's why she's not listening to you. Leave her alone she needs to have her own time. Do something with yourself for today have fun see what happens next.

Answer 15

she's acting out because you are watching another child. this will go on for a while, then it will stop. you need to, in child language, explain to her your feelings, but be firm. you are the parent - being nice, treating her special won't work. you  put your foot down, don't let her get away with acting like a brat. your darling little girl, eventually, will return. children need to learn right from the beginning, the parent rules, not them.

Answer 16

Share a beer with her, then a Stone Cold stunner.

Answer 17

Sit her down and talk to her.  Ask her what makes her mad and if you or anyone else are doing somethign to bother her.  dont disagree with her and let her tell you no matter what it is.  After tell her her behaviour will not be allowed and if it continiues from this point on she will be punshied by losing privaliges and toys.  Eventually it will get through to her!

Answer 18

Time has a way of working these things out. Love her, but also show her who's the boss. She still needs discipline no matter how much you're worried about her not loving you. You show her love and discipline and she'll come around.

Answer 19

my 5 yr old girl does the same thing. they are trying to find their independance. i correct mine with taking away favorite toys and an occasional swat on the rump

Answer 20

Try the old fashioned way.

Get on her back pockets.

It worked for our grandparents generation, it worked for our parents generation so why not for kids today?

Answer 21

Most likely you've been too strict with her, that's why she rebels. Just be kind and considerate, talk to her nice and gently, and all will be fine.