My 5 year old is scared of a new boy in her class. What should I do?

Question

After we returned from the holidays a new boy was in my daughter's preschool class. The first week she complained of a stomach ache & said she didn't want to go to school. This week she is kicking and screaming at drop off. She said she doesn't like the mean boy, she can't stop crying and it makes her stomach hurt. Stomach ache is only a school. She loved school before holidays. Teacher says new boy hasn't been in school before, doesn't know how to behave in class and won't follow directions. Teacher said he doesnt sit at the table with daugher and he has never hurt anyone. She said she wouldn't put up with that behavior anyway,he would be in the office. My daughter can not tell me of a specific incident that upsets her, so I don't believe he has done anything specific to her. The front office knows of situation, checks in on the class and my daughter. I feel terrible leaving her but she can't hide at home whenever she meets someone she doesn't like. What else should I do?

Answer 1

sneek by the class and ask if you can oniter the class  ofr a day or two and see what happens and then talk it out with your daighter

Answer 2

tell her to buck up...it'll toughen her up for the real world.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear this. I would continue to talk to your child. I would talk to the teacher to ensure that you have a proper version of the story. He has never hurt someone? That means her fear is based on anticipation and not being able to predict his behavior. That is a very real life situation, one that will occur across time and environments, and it's important that you validate your daughters strength and ability to deal with this NOW. By removing her from the classroom (remember, they already do not share a table) or removing him, you are telling her 1) that she is right to be fearful of people that aren't like her, 2) that she is not capable of dealing with hard issues and that 3) the only way to protect herself is to run away from problems. Is that a life long behavior you could deal with?

I am shocked by the judgmental answers I've read here. No one knows his history, his home life or how long it will take him to adjust (it's only been two weeks), and yet people are suggesting that he be thrown away like so much garbage when HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING. sheesh, thats our society, even the children are disposable.

Answer 4

kick the bully in the a** and tell the teacher.

Answer 5

go into class one morning and sit down with her, the teacher and the boy. try to get them to play a game together or colour in or something. see how she reacts around him and how he reacts around her. also if he is very loud and outgoing she probably feels intimidated. and if the teacher said that he hasnt hurt anyone in class it doesnt mean that he hasnt at lunch when they go out side. or maybe he has said something to her that made her feel scared. coz the teacher cant possibly moniter everyones conversations. or mabey he is getting alot of attention and she is jealous so she is just trying to be noticed. try talking to her. tell her that if she cant tell you what his done then nothing must have happened and if nothing happened that noone is going to put up with that behavior anymore. if she is smart she will tell you what happened or stop. or little kids get scred of the strangest things. when i was little i was scared of anyone who was bald. does this kid have any features that might scare her. does he look tough and mean. kids also have wild imaginations too. sorry but i just kept thinking of more and more possiibilities. good luck!

Answer 6

Maybe find out if you can introduce your daughter to the kid with the boys mom to make it a little more comforting.  She will feel more comfortable with you there, and the boy might act better around his mom.  You should not switch her class whatever you may think because even though she is little, she will think that you can avoid all problems, and will never learn how to deal with things.  This is a good way to teach her how to solve a problem.

Answer 7

It is frightening to see a child out of control - doing things that your daughter wouldnt' dream of doing and seeing this little boy misbehaving.  Acknowledge her fear and tell her that the teacher has things under control and will always protect her.  Keep the teacher posted on how feelings are going - I'm sure she will keep them at separate tables if she realizes how afraid your daughter is of him.  Who knows - they could be best friends by the end of the year.  This little boy is like the beginning of school - he doesn't know what is expected of him or he doesn't care!  Good luck - I sure hope your daughter learns to enjoy preschool - that's what it's all about.

Answer 8

Recently i came across the same situation in my local school.  I would recommend you talk to the teacher, tell her the situation and ask if it is possible she could be moved to another table and be kept away from him at group activities.  Also ensure that the teacher keeps an eye on the situation to prevent further incidents or bullying.  If this fails i would suggest a meeting with the teacher and principal to consider talking to the boys parents about his behavior.  I know it seems hard but your daughter will get through this and im sure that they will come to realize they have things in common.  It will take time. The main priority at the moment is her emotional stability.  She needs to feel safe and secure until she can become confident in herself to face dilemma's.  Hope that helps

Answer 9

Would it be possible for you to go to class with her for a day or two? Then you could see how the teacher deals with the new kid and if there really is a problem. It would also let your daughter get used to the situation while she knows you are there to protect her. Most teachers welcome some help. It might be worth the day off from work.

Answer 10

ask the teacher to talk to the boys parents...possibly ask to have the boy removed from the class...if not possibly sit in at school and see what the boy does...also try to move your chold to a different preschool

Answer 11

The advice to ask the teacher to talk to the boy's parents is NOT good advice.  

Your child, whether it is scared or something else, is uncomfortable around this boy.  At the same time, until you figure out the issue, there is little you can do.  So you need to find out exactly what the issue is.

It is important to remember that children do not always tell what we think is "the truth," but that does not mean they are lying either.  Children at this age have an imagination and it can lead down many different roads.  My mom told a story about how a student got his clothes wet in the locker room of a swimming pool.  My mom said, "We can throw those in the dryer for a few minutes.  Another boy heard this and the following thought process must have happened:

--He's going to put his clothes in the dryer.  Then what will he wear?

--If he has nothing else to wear, he must be naked.

--If he is naked, the teacher must feel he's embarrased.

--To help him out, she might get naked and throw her clothes in the dryer too so he won't be embarrased.  

--What else can she do to make him feel better?  The boy likes to dance.

All we know is somehow, this child went home and told the imaginary version of what happened.  "The teacher got naked with a boy and they threw their clothes in the dryer, then started dancing."  That parent called, partially upset and partially confused, to complain.

This is what happens sometimes.  Maybe the boy IS doing something wrong.  Maybe something is reminding your daughter of something else and it's triggering a stronger emotion.  It might be that he did do something wrong and she fears he will do it again.  It might be that he did nothing wrong and he is just reminding her of something by anything as simple as his hair style and her imagination is taking over.  It might be that he is doing something wrong and the teacher just has not noticed it.

I would keep an open communication with the teacher and, if possible, observe the classroom and watch what is happening.  There is also a great book that teaches you how to get your child to talk about problems, which is the key first step here.  It's called "How to talk so your children will listen, and listen so your children will talk."  (Or something similar)

Matt

Answer 12

Help her confront her fears.

And ignore the advice about talking to the teacher concerning the other boy. You don't have to swoop in to resolve this.

Answer 13

you should go to class with her the whole day and see if any thing wrong happens report this to the principle and tell him/her the story.?.?

Answer 14

tell her to kick his ***.. lol

Answer 15

Is your daughter naturally dramatic, or is this an extreme reaction?

Plenty of things happen where teachers can't see. I'd move her to another class if at all possible - the extremity of the reaction indicates (to me, anyway - you know your child better than I do, obviously) that something bad is happening - bullying at the very least - and your child has an honest fear. It's doing your daughter a disservice to teach her to ignore her fear if it's that severe.

Of course, if she's really dramatic, I wouldn't give in to it.

Answer 16

ok, u need to ask her teacher to move his seat or perhaps move him to a different class. and its gonna take time for her to get  over this fear. So, yea u need to be patient