My 5 year old is very insecure what do i do?

Question

my son has had prob's of being insecure for a very long time. its been very hard for me and my husband. since preschool hes been this way he wouldn't talk to any people at school. even his teachers. well me and my husband were both shy when we were young. but not like him. i was only shy with adults not children. my son is even like that with children. everyday at school i had to deal with hes doesn't want to do this today or talk or do that. i get so stressed out. i would tell him everyday plz junior ur suppose to talk. i would even re an act situtions with him nothings works. hes now 5 still doing it. he did in kindergarten. now hes doing it already in first grade im so worried. when people walk by him he'll freeze we have to tell him junior go in line with ur class its very hard for us. we love him so much. i dont know if it was him being spolied when he was a baby with me. also hes very soft he lets people be mean to him every kid always takes advantage of him cuz they can tell by the way he acts at school. i even noticed his teachers babying him. another thing he still acts like a baby sometimes at school he doesnt like to talk. so he just likes when kids chase him around all day. my husband doesnt want to take him to see someone. i told him he really needs to see someone. but he said no he doesnt want him on medication. and he wants to wait until hes older and give it more time. and he thinks talking to someone wont help either since we talk to him about it. i dont know what to do anymore. i have a 1 year old and all this its too much for me. and yet everyday there is a prob with him at school not parisipating has anyone gone through this before? cuz i never met anyone that has had a child like this. my son isnt retarted or anything but im worried he may be alittle slow. we dont do drugs or drink any advice would be great thankz!

Answer 1

My husband was an extremely shy person, like you son is it sounds like. My suggestion would be to do this, one day ask if you may go to class to observe and see the kids in the class. Choose 2 or 3 boys that are very self confident and outgoing, but also seem like nce boys. Then call their moms and set up play dates. If he can get a friend thats an extrovert, it will help him along in his self-confidence. Some people need to have that kind of friendshp to balance them out. My husband had his best friend from Pre-K and he was his best man, their friendship lasted forever and they balanced each other very nicely.

I would try to get him a really good friend to help him work this out.

I dont think he needs a Dr at all and I dont think its because you were an attentive mother, some kids are just naturally shy and it sounds like your son is a bit more shy than the other kids, that is NOT a mental insufficiency, its his personality, there is nothing wrong with him. You may need to prod him, but if he can find a good friend with a big personality I assure you that will help him alot. Remember, that big personality will also defend your son as well. I had a super shy friend as well when I was a little girl, I never let anyone pick on her, she was with me and no one messed with her because I would put a stop to it.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I would start with your family Dr. encourage him to find an interactive activity.  Do you have any friends or family with kids the same age to play with?  

Answer 3

Ignore you husband and take your Son to be looked at!  He should have been seen 2-3 years ago!   This is more than just being a little slow!  Waiting is just going to put him further behind!  You know your Son needs to be seen and you must do what's best for him, even if your husband doesn't like it!

Answer 4

1.  Even if someone did prescribe medication, you are under no obligation to get the medication nor administer it.

2.  Only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication, and pediatricians.  I would suggest if your husband is really that worried to take your son to the school counselor or a child psychologist that he/she recommends to see perhaps on a weekly basis.  I understand the not wanting medication and I really don't think medication is warranted in this situation.  It just wouldn't do any good.

3.  I would suggest if you have not already - sign your son up for things to do in the summer and after school.  Sports, Gymnastic classes, karate classes.  A few simple things that can build his self-esteem.

4.  This is NOT your fault and you did not baby him - all kids need babied.  That is why they are our babies!

5.  I would suggest talking to the special education department at your school.  I am not saying your child is not getting good grades or is below average at all.  That isn't what I mean.  I think the special ed. department could possibly test him in areas to be able to see if he has a need that we are not attending to yet.  It could be nothing - but talking to them never hurt anyone.

From your description and your heart felt need for help, of course you don't do drugs or drink.  This happens to hundreds of children.  It is their personality.  And even though you don't see it, others like me who taught and see many children come across them every year.  

Good luck!  Hope this helps  :-)