My 5 yo daughter let 5 yo friend who is a boy kiss her with mouth open (no tongue) and touch her private parts

Question

They have been just friends until a week ago he wrote her a note that he loves her. He has come over to play with her and they would watch movies in her bunk bed with the door open and I would be in there checking on them all the time. Tonight she told me he kissed her with his mouth open but no tongue and touched her chest and other very private area under her pants. She told me he pulled up her shirt and took down her pants. I asked her why she let him and she said she told him to stop. I spoke with his parents and he is saying her only kissed her on the arm and touched her shoulder. But he has kissed another girl before in PreK and there was an issue between his parents and the girls parents. Should we talk to them together having my daughter say what he did and see who is lying? Should they stop playing with each other and just play with same s*x friends? She doesn't watch anything adult like AT ALL and she has a brother who is 8 who is child like because of delays . HELP!

Answer 1

You must contact CPS about any inappropriate sexual behavior surrounding children, it is possible the little boy is abused by someone, it is not about your daughter at all, it's about him, but now that she has had this experience, you need to take her to a reall good counselor to talk about it.  Please just do exactly the right thing.  You need to speak to the school to and let them know what he is capable of.

Good  Luck

Nicci

Mother of 6, Infant Daycare Owner, Bradley Method childbirth educator,labor, postartum and breastfeeding doula

Answer 2

kids often pick up things about s*x earlier than you would think and you don't always know why.  To be on the safe side, I would stop having the two play together.  Do not put the kids in the middle of an argument.  I would get all the details from your daughter and see if her stories are consistant, if they are, I'd say she's telling the truth unless you know she has lied a lot before.  From what you say about the boy, he's only admitting some of what happened.  If he didn't do it, he would have denied doing anything.  Whatever the truth is, I'd be very suspicious.  Try asking the parents to get a play by play of what happened.  I would also contact the police and see what they have to say.  If this boy is acting out sexually, he could have accidentally seen a mature video or even have been molested himself.  I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I feel there is a need to really find out the truth even if a higher power steps in.  Also, continue to educate your daughter the difference between a good touch and bad touch and what to do in a such situation.  Praise her for telling you what happened.

You say you don't want to make a big deal out of this until after school ends, but the fact is this IS a big deal.  You need to get things done while all of this is fresh in your heads.  By failing to act right away tells your daughter that whatever happened to her was not important enough to deal with right away.  As a mother, it's your duty to protect her at any cost.  You, yourself, were molested and had to live with years of guilt.  Don't delay getting your daughter help because one day is one day too many.

Answer 3

I am too young, buyt that boy doesnt seem hes gonna b someone who would respect any girl in the future, it is totally wrong for what he did at his age specially, i would suggest you restrict them, and makle sure she is Ok and clear of what had happened

Answer 4

wel... shes only 5... she doesn kno any better...

Answer 5

I would  either restrict them playing all together or definitely not allow them to ever be out of sight. Sit them down and explain to them both before they play that it is inappropriate and you will not tolerate it. BUT my concern would be where he has learned these things and what else will he try. Sad but I would just say sorry she cant play with you anymore.

Answer 6

I think the little boy is the one being exposed to the adult behavior. It sounds like your daughter had NO IDEA what was going on or how to handle it. I would teach your little girl what to do if a boy does that. Tell her that some times its ok a push people who are hurting you or making you do something bad. Let her know that you would not be mad if she pushed him and ran to you if he tried to do something like that again. Its a hard lesson to learn, but she needs to know so she can defend her self.

Answer 7

Honestly, you're lucky it was only a 5 year old boy...

Exploring is normal, but this does seem a little extreme.

I'd just keep them two apart.  I wouldn't push the issue anymore. You told the parents what happened.  How they deal with their son is their business.

Assure your daughter you believe her, you are VERY proud of her for telling you what happened and that she did nothing wrong.

She'll soon forget about this.  Set her up some play dates with some little girls soon.

Answer 8

It is common for kids to explore especially if this little boy has never seen a naked girl but it does not mean it is right. Hopefully the parents have talked to him. If he comes over for a play just make sure they are supervised in a public area of the house

Answer 9

I would not let my little girl play with him any more. If it happened once it might happen again. His parents need to start opening there eyes on this situation.

Answer 10

this kind of thing is ver natural. all kids get to a stage in their life and they experiment other little girl's and boy's. they do not have to see it any where, that does not mean the children is getting sexually abused, it is human nature. I am a mother of 4 children and as I can remember all of my children including other children around the age of 5 start to want to experiment, they do not think that they are doing anything wrong and if you get onto them for this kind of thing it will break their spirit later in adult hood. ask a doctor and he will tell you the same. you can seat her down and explain to her that it is ok for mommy and daddy because yall are adults and married but it is not ok for her because she is a child and explain to her that if anyone ever touches her in an unconfartable way or a place that they are not pose to then come straight to you or the adult that is in charge. first do not let him alone with your daughter anymore and when they go to watched tv, make for sure that you state out if there is any touching there will be no more playing together and you willcontact mommy and daddy right away. But this is natural in all kid's at this age, they are just experimenting the opposite s*x and wondering what girls or boys have. don't freak over this because you will have your own child scared of sexuality later on in life.

Answer 11

I don't think sitting them down together is a good idea.  It might be rather scarring for both involved.

The boy obviously has some issues, and they will never be resolved if the parents don't deal with them and get him help, but that being said, you can only tell them what happened, so try not to stress about forcing them to deal with him.  

Even if you sat them down, the parents could be in denial and none of it will help.

Probably best to just keep them apart.  Make sure you reassure your daughter that you believe her regardless of what the boy says.  Make sure she is okay with everything though, that could be quite dramatic for a 5 year old.