My 5 yr old daughter will not listen to me! She is sweet/hateful @ the same time. Help me fix what I've done?!

Question

Not only is she the "middle child" she is the only girl! My oldest son is 7, & I've never had a problem w/ attitude like I do w/his sis! Maybe a reminder here & there, but he does what he is told. My lil girl is so stubborn & hard-headed! Yes, she's 5, & yes, all kids are different. She's too smart! & yes all parents say this about their Kids. She's a great student; & listens well @school,church, tball, etc.@ home it's a different story! She's more defiant to me than her to her daddy. When I tell her to do something, she falls to the floor. She's either too tired, her heart hurts, belly hurts, leg hurts or she thinks she has eczema!

Step1: I pick her up & take her to her room. I tell her to pick up her toys. If daddy's not home, forget Steps1&2. I've taken away toys, gyms,&took her tv out of her br. Discipline,rewards &praises haven't worked. She acts this way 'cause I've let her act this way. Now I see the same behavior in my 3yr old son! How can I fix this before it's 2 late?!?!?

Answer 1

well i have a 16 month old and he is jus as bad as ur 5 year old i have tried everything and he is still a lil hellcat...but i am not the type to do a time out i spank my boy so now he's learnin to get it together i'm not sayin spank her. if she only obeys her father let her know that daddy will handle you when he get's home

Answer 2

Ask her why she's acting that way.

Answer 3

She needs a spanking.First tell her she is going to be spanked after 2 warnings.Relax never take anger out on her.The a few swats to the bottom in fine just to scare her.If it doesn't seem to work do it a bit harder.If that doesn't work remove her pants so that you spank her on her panties.Never go too bare bottom and always a few swats.Remember that ther is a differce between abuse and a spank. IT will only work if you do it rite.

Answer 4

Pay no attention,ignore her,it is only a bad period for her,I have the same problem with my 6 year old girl,she is the third child and we are having the same problem.Do not worry

Answer 5

Get yourself a real good book on parenting and follow it.

1 2 3 Magic is a good one.  I lend it to parents at my school. They seem to find it easy to implement.

Check out their website: www.parentmagic.com

You need to be aware that this behavior will get worse right before it gets better so Hang In There!! The biggest mistake people make is they give up right before the program starts to work. When her old tricks don't work any more, she will ramp it up to try to get those tricks to work. If you give in at that time, you will make the behavior much worse! Don't give in. The first few times it will be tough but it does work.

Answer 6

Yes.  1 2 3 Magic is an excellent book, and I also recommend it to parents that I work with.  

Other tips...

(1) Lower the pitch of your voice when you give her instructions.  Studies show that animals and children respond better to a deeper voice and - hence - tend to listen more to the instructions of men and women with deeper voices.

(2) Get down on her eye level, touch her arm and shoulder when giving her a direction, give her a short direction that is easily followed (Ex. Place the blocks in the basket - point and indicate with body motions).  Have her repeat back to you the instructions you just gave.

(3) Walk away from her and allow her several minutes to follow the instructions.  Do not hover.  But come back and either praise for following them or re-give the instructions the same way and add OR you will go into time-out.

(4) Walk away, do not hover.  Come back in 2 or 3 minutes.  Praise for following directions.  Or place immediately in time out.  1 minute per year of age - so for 5 minutes.  You are NOT to talk to her or interact with her during time out.  It is time out from your attention.  Its okay if she screams and yells as long as she in the time out spot.  It she will not stay, you need to silently hold her there for 5 minutes.  

(5) Take back to scene-of-crime and regive the instructions.  Go through process again.  If does not comply, goes back into time-out.  Keep up sequence until she obeys.

When you first do it, you will spend longs period of time taking her back and forth from time out.  She is going to test your ability to stay calm and to be consistent.  She WILL learn that she's not going to get out of having to obey.  A lot of times parents will punish and the child will never have to obey.  The important thing is that she learns that she will have to obey you and she is not going to get out of it.  Be consistent and firm but not overly punitive.  That is the key. Once she has obeyed, the situation is over and forgotten and PRAISE highly - this will reinforce the positive behavior.  The positive behavior should receive the ATTENTION from you because this is what you want to reinforce.

Answer 7

Make her a small chore list and once everthing is finished for the week she can get a dollar or maybe a special treat like icecream for her allowance.  If she acts up and says no she loses her allowance for the week.

Remeber you are the parent, bad bahavior should not be tollerated and good behaviour in not rewareded all the time or they expect when they are good to get something

Answer 8

Give her a good spanking of 3-5 hard swats on her butt with your hand.  Let her know why you did it before and after you do it and that she will get spanked again the next time she doesn't listen.  

The next time after her spanking that she doesn't listen, ask her if she wants to be spanked and tell her that she will be if she doesn't listen to you.  If you use this method you will probably only have to spank her on 2-3 occasions before she will be very attentive!

Answer 9

You should try to get stricter.