My 5 yr old got suspended from school how should I punish him? His little friends think its cool!?

Question

He had been practicing "karate moves" with his friends and things went too far. They were asked to go back to circle, but wouldnt. When the other kids finally did, my son wouldnt - he thought it would be funny to make a huge mess of the classroom - throw things around, dump bins, etc. His friends found it funny and he continued for the attention. He wasnt angry - just thriving on the attention. I thought that he was just lacking attention at home because I work long hours lately. So I've made a point to be extra nice and patient with him and do lots of fun activities. He seemed fine to me but then it happened again. I'm thinking that I need to do something more but I just dont want to be too hard and traumatize him. Whats the best approach?

Answer 1

Time out.

Ground him.

Punish him from the tv or gaming system (That kills them!)

Answer 2

I'd whack his rear - what would your parents have done to you if you did this when you were little?

Answer 3

he needs to clean up the mess he made.

I would talk to him about why he did that and why he thought it was funny. then explain why he should not have done that.

I would take his favorite activity away for a week BUT explain why it is being taken and remind him if he does this again you will take it away longer.

Answer 4

LOL!!!!!!!!! they think its cool wat crazy kids.

Answer 5

Hello, I kept on coming back to your question deciding whether to skip or answer.  I don’t want to ask personal questions because it is good to have more information about your situation to offer a solid, also I can only give one perspective since I am a single parent. Here is a little about my knowledge when dealing with misbehavior. I work long hours and as a father, I took care of my son since he was born.  His first day of school, I had to sit in those little chairs since he was scared and wanted me to stay.  He is now 8yrs old.  Throughout the years I always explained the outcome of choices so he could get a base on the outcomes.  I never advised him on which path to take just told him on what "could" happen.  When he made a mistake like following the other kids and getting in trouble, he understood the mistake and made changes on his own. His teacher advised me that he has become a leader and not a follower.  Yes, this doesn’t explain your question but it is leading to my answer.  Ask your child if he understood what happened and if he knows what if happened if he followed what the teacher asked.  If attention was the culprit, what kind of attention? (Approval of other kids, not enough attention from teacher, and maybe another kid was receiving more attention from the teacher) it is not always attention from you.  He probably wanted all the attention from the teacher since you are not around and can’t be at school with him.  I used to try and define my sons issue for example.  If this happened to my son I would playfully ask him a question while watching a cartoon with him...”Hey I saw this funny cartton where this cat was throwing his food all around and making a huge mess in the playground in front other cats becasue the teacher cat wanted all the little cats to get back to their seats. I wonder what he was thinking."  If you get an "I don’t know" ask” Yea, me too but I wish I knew what he might be thinking"

Sorry for the long post, here is the second part to my answer.  You mentioned you offered more attention since this happened.  I think that is the wrong move, now he might thrive on causing negative attention since you offered extra attention.  Remember, the extra attention will fade when you are extra busy and this might happen again if he feels that attention is starting to slow down.

There is no one approach to just solve in one swift move.  It will take time.  Try to place him in more situations where he can make his choices and able to understand that outcomes.

Another example: My son started to ask me,

"Dad I want to do my homework later in the day so I can play outside"

Me: "Really?

Son: "Yea, I will still do my homework just a little later, is that ok?

Me: Well, if you think that is a good idea and you are not too tired when you get back from playing outside.  

Son: Yep, I won’t be too tired

....as he was about to leave to go outside, I was at the table and I said, "Awww man...I fogot something

Son: What?

Me: I learned something new at work yesterday and I was supposed to finish it right after work.  Now it is a day later and I forgot all that my boss taught me.

My son leaves to go outside and comes back 10 min. later.  He thought about the mistake and related it to his decision.  Every day after school he come home and does his homework.

Again there are sometimes where I just let his decision go through and when he makes a mistake.  He not only knows it was a mistake but understands it.  It is hard for kids to understand the mistake, most just shrug it off as a "oops" and do it again.  Don’t get me wrong, my son makes lots of "oops" and repeats the mistakes but it now it takes one or two "oops" lol.

Finally, a little harshness is good.  

Early on I had to spank him when he made bad changes, trust me... a little harsh spaking is good.  I remember my father would spank me and later on during the day, he would hit my butt again.  I would ask him what was that for.....he would reply  "So you remember what happened earlier.  TRUST ME.  IT WORKED..lol.  I never made that mistake again. I do the smae thing to my son and he never makes dangerous or careless mistakes..lol.. Guess what..it works for my son too!

I would do the same in this situation but if you are not going to try this methode, later on down this paragraph you can another method.  I am very forgiving but if he makes a mistake that is either dangerous, I raise my voice and make sure he knows how he could have been hurt.  Being suspended is dangerous because he will miss out on learning the new lessons and fall behind.  He might be given the missed assignments but the teachers lessons to understand the assignments and playful tools the teacher uses in class to have them understand what they have learned is lost.  I would tell him how important being in class is and learning with other is great.  If he just lets it go “in one ear and out the other” Again, use example any change you get but secretly, almost subliminal.  Play a new game once and go to something else he already know and later on play the new game and see if he remembers.  He will soon understand what happens when you learn something and not practice it to understand its components.  The mistake was made and now make changes to fix it.  I work long hours as well so I hope this has been somewhat helpful.

Answer 6

WHIP HIS BUTT !!! DUH !!

NO ONE SPANKS THE KIDS ANYMORE AND WONDER WHY THEY ARE SO BAD!1

EVERYONE IS AGAINST SPANKING, BUT HELLO!!  THE c**p THEY WANT TO DO TO PUNISH THE KIDS

*IS NOT WORKING!!!!*

IF IT DID, NO ONE WOULD BE ON HERE  ASKING FOR HELP WITH THEIR KIDS!!!!!

Answer 7

You need to seriously punish him.  Let him know who's boss and who's in charge.  You will not be too hard and traumitize him.  He needs to learn his lesson.  Ground him from basically everything....playing with friends, toys, tv......he has to learn that this is not acceptable behavior.

If he isn't in a extracurricular activity, I suggest that he should try one.

It's good and all to be extra nice and patient, etc.etc. but when the time comes he needs to be disciplined as well.

Don't get discouraged when he starts to cry about it either.  You stick to your guns and believe me he will respect you for it in the long run.

And if you say you are going to do something....do it....be consistent.

Answer 8

Whatever else you do or don't do, DO NOT let him spend this time acting as if he were on vacation. Have a study time during the time he is usually at school, with appropriate activities and breaks, after "school" is out no T.V., video games, whatever. Does he take martial arts? If not maybe get him enrolled in classes. One of the first things they teach is discipline.

Answer 9

stop working long hours!!!!!!!

sorry to be so mean, but c'mon! Please be a mother. so what if you need the money-so what if you have to live in a trailer and drive an old beat up car-isn't your son more important!?

In the meantime, ground him from his favorite thing-maybe TV for a wk.

Answer 10

Think of one or two of his favorite toys or possessions.  For example, if he plays video games a lot then sit him down and talk to him about why what he is doing is wrong and unacceptable, then say to him that if this continues and happens again then his Playstation (or whatever game console he has) will be taken away for approximately 2 weeks, depending on the situation.

If you do this and his behavior continues then ground him.  Take away all his privileges and fun actives such as, computer, video games, going outside, playing with his friends, etc.

I'd also consider speaking with your son's friends' parents about their behavior in school and how they were encouraging or "egging on" your son.  Maybe your son likes the feeling on getting attention (as you stated before), and he wants to act "cool" in front of his friends.  If their behavioral issues stop, then maybe his will too.

Good luck, and I hope this helped!

Answer 11

talk to him first. then ask him what do you think your punishment should be? if he says i dont know say grounded for a month or whatever. Or i suggest to say no talking to your friends for a week.

Answer 12

When my kids used to make messes in the house after I cleaned, I would go to there room and trash it then watch as they had to clean it. After a couple times they stopped making messes. About the suspension, I would make the time miserable for him, No TV, games, or fun stuff. Also I would make him right his wrong by doing some extra yard work for the community. Picking up trash in the park is a good activity me and my children do on a Saturday. I hope this helps. Just make this into a learning experience More than a punishment because he is very young still. Teach him how it feels to have something wrong done to his things, then teach him how good it feels to do something right.

Answer 13

Try talking to him about why he is acting out. If you are a single parent or if something has really changed he may be trying to get your attention. Bottom line don't let him walk on you and creat rules. Take away his favorite toy, and ground him from the tv. It normally works with my 5 year old son, and he acts out quite a bit. I think it's because I am a single mom in the military so I know where you are comming from.