My 5yo son is having a hard time adjusting to school??

Question

My son has started Kindergarten this year, going 2 full days a week (Monday & Tuesday).

While I think he has lots of friends, he is having a hard time dealing with being away from me. He was my only child until 2 months ago, and as he was a sick premature baby, I did baby him.

He will wake up to go to school with every excuse not to go. He has only been there for 2 months and it is such a argument to get him out the door!!

Does anyone have any suggestions to help me!!

We have tried EVERYTHING! Packing everything ready, waking up early, taking away television privileges. Nothing is working.

Thanks

Jessi

Answer 1

Millions of kids have separation anxiety at his age--school is new and interacting with groups is all new. But YOU are the parent and he is doing the old game of seeing who will win at this. You have got to set a routine for school days--get up the same time--get dressed, eat--all at the same time---get to school and say goodbye---make it short and say  SEE YOU LATER--that is it. Right now he is using whatever he can to control YOU--YOU have got to regain control. Nothing is working because you are NOT tough with the routine. I am sure you cave in to the self fears that you have--well you have got to get him off this  control game.  Never entertain any excuses or whiney behavior--ignore it when he whines--say bye bye and tell him you will see him later. He has got to learn some responsibilities at this age---Right now you are making school miserable--you have got to smile and ignore the crummy games he is playing--just get him up and get him dressed and send him off to school. When school is  over--welcome him home--praise his works and allow him to relax. Send him to bed at the same time every night--get him up and do it all again. Just like adults going to work. We don't want to but we have to. Good luck.

Answer 2

Have a word with the kidergarten teacher and see what he's like after you leave. If he settles well once you're gone, persevere.

Focus on rewarding him for getting there, rather than punishing him for not wanting to go.

Remind him how much you love him, and schedule special treats for after school.

If the teacher says he's having a hard time all day, maybe ease him into it. Maybe pick him up at lunch time, or let him attend one day a week for a little while. Kindergarten is not compulsory, and if it is too upsetting maybe he is just too young.

On the other hand, the socialising skills are important, and he may be left behind a bit for pre-school next year if he does not go at all.

Hang in there, it will all be worth it!

Answer 3

Please don't punish the child just because he misses you. It really is very tramatic for some children to be away from their parents...especially since you say he was babied.  Is it possible for you to help out in his classroom?  Perhaps if you did that and explained to him that you would be helping his teacher and that just like he is expected to listen to his teacher you too will have to listen to her which means if she asks you to go to the office and do something for her, you will have to do it...but reassure him that you will always be back.  If he sees you go a little at a time and sees you come back he will gradually get used to you being gone.  Before you know it he will be so used to you coming and going that he won't even notice that your gone at times.  Also, speak to his teacher about the problem and see what she suggests.

Answer 4

That is a big reason that they say to never send a boy to kindergarten until he is 6 years old.  There is no law that states they have to go at 5 so Psychiatrists, Psychologists and Counclers as well as most Teachers interviewed have all said that the ideal age for a boy to start school is 6 years old.  They have a hard time adjusting to it any earlier than that.

Answer 5

When I started my son in school he was 5 and half. He did not want to go and begged me to take him home. He was a little small and had had some problems since birth. I decided to keep him out one more year. It made all the difference. He was no longer the smallest child in his class because had grown some over that year. Also I had the pleasure of having him with me a little longer. They grow so fast, whats the rush?

Answer 6

How about keeping him out of school and teaching him at home? You say school is mandatory at age 5 in your state, but homeschooling is legal in all 50 U.S. states. You don't have to do it forever, even the rest of this year might get him past this sensitive time in his life rather than setting him up to hate it at such a young age. Even if you don't think you could officially homeschool, I have a feeling you probably taught him lots of things so far and could just continue very gentle learning at home. At age 5 all they need to do is practice their letters and numbers and be loved. (I KNOW you do that!)

Answer 7

I agree with Vee Good & some of the others but would like to add something.

I went through the same thing with my son. I too thought it was because I babied him. Then one day after school I made some pudding & we sat down together & I casually asked him about school.

As we began talking I started picking up stuff & thought I had an idea of what was going on. So I told him about this guy that always picked on me at school. Hitting, kicking, calling me names. It turned out he was going through the same thing. But because he wanted me to think he was a big boy he had been trying to handle it himself with little luck.

Mike was really big for his age in height & weight so I always stressed not to pick on other kids. Well when this kid half his size realized he wouldn't fight him that's when he started hitting & calling him names on a daily basis. Even the teachers wouldn't come to Mike's defense more than telling the other kid to shut up.

So Mike hated school & did the bare minimum to get by. Every morning was a struggle to get up & ready & tears when I'd leave him at school. He had a few friends but even his teachers said it was always like he was stressed out or hyper. That music class was the only time he honestly seemed to enjoy school.

This is awful dramatic for a 5 yr. old boy. I honestly think there's more going on than you're being told. Nothing like a bowl of chocolate pudding shared to bring your defenses down. lol!

Answer 8

he will adjust in time, even if you broke the law and didnt send him you wouldnt be be doin either of you any favours as he must learn a little independance from you as hard as it is. i know this must be heartbreaking for you. have you tried sending him with a familier toy or teddy prehaps this would give him some comfort? this is definately just a phase, it may take a little longer to pass if you have 'babied' him than if you hadnt but to 'baby' your 1st child is very common, you will prob find your second a more confident toddler and the transition to school will be easier next time. all you can do is provide love and assurance that you will be right back for him after school and praise him for going. i wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Here are ten tips for children going into reception.

The ‘symbolic significance of the first day at school marks a stage in child development that can be hard for all involved to handle smoothly’ says the teachernet website. So as parents, how can we help our children settle happily? Here are some ideas which I have gleaned.

1) Be aware of how your child approaches new situations

Although our eldest son has had a happy year at nursery he is anxious about starting school. As the teachernet website points out, the child’s position in their family can influence their attitude. ‘For the oldest…school can trigger a greater sense of separation than for the youngest, who is joining his or her older siblings at school.’

2) Recognise your child’s anxieties about starting school, but try not to show that you are worried about it too

Having not particularly enjoyed school myself, I am very aware of being positive about it when I talk to my son. However I have also found that telling him about situations that have worried me has been a helpful way to illustrate that anxiety about new situations is normal and that it soon wears off. The Directgov website advises, ‘don’t dismiss your child’s fears – things that seem obvious or silly to an adult can seem like terrible obstacles to a five -old.’

3) Talk about it

When I chattily told my son his new teacher’s name and which of his friends would be in his class at school, I was taken aback when he replied defiantly, ‘Stop! I don’t want to talk about it any more’. Probably the most constructive discussion we’ve had about school so far came out of a game where I pretended I was worried about starting school and he took the role of reassuring me. It’s no revelation that talking is beneficial, but it has surprised me since my eldest started talking, just how much discussing his anxieties has helped him to deal with them.

4) Turn it into a game

The Parenting section of the BBC website suggests building a pretend school with your child, and acting out classroom scenarios together. This is likely to give you an idea of how much they know about school and will provide an opportunity for discussing concerns and emphasising the aspects of school they are likely to enjoy.

5) Visit the school and meet the teacher together

Before my son started nursery we visited together, which made it easier for me to tell him what it would be like and to answer his questions. I feel at a slight disadvantage now, as we haven’t been into his school class together, so even I don’t know exactly where I’ll drop him off, or where he’ll hang his coat and with hindsight I’d have asked if we could do this before the summer holiday.

6) Read relevant books

Reading books about starting school is a great way of helping children understand what to expect. If they are reluctant to discuss their own concerns, they might feel more comfortable discussing the anxieties of a child in a book, and it’s useful for them to see how these are resolved.

7) Walk to the school gates a few times before term starts

Children with older siblings are likely to have done this hundreds of times already, but for a first child, knowing the route to school is a good way to make things more familiar on the first day.

8) Practice getting dressed for school

If there’s a uniform, it’s a good idea to get your child to try it on in good time. Partly to check it fits but also to familiarise them with it before their first day. Last summer, our eldest ‘dressed up’ in his nursery clothes many times.

9) Make sure they are clear about how the day will progress

The Directgov website recommends that you explain ‘where they’ll be going, what they’ll be doing, and for how long’. It’s hard to give young children a clear idea of timescales – telling them you’ll collect them in three hours doesn’t mean much – but the concept of going to school after breakfast and coming home before lunch is more meaningful.

10) Get school bags organised

Before he started nursery, my son loved discussing what he’d need to take and getting everything organised. Apart from which, the last thing you need on their first day is to be flailing round the house trying to find their favourite water bottle or the pocket-sized piece of their comfort blanket.