My 6 year old cries excessively, any suggestions on how to curb the behavior?

Question

My wife was recently accused of abusing our daughter by a police officer, because our 6 year old was crying excessively. Though the child's behavior did warrant a spanking (blatant talking back and hitting/biting my wife), the child was crying so loudly even before spanking that the officer thought she had been abused. I need advice on how to deal with this excessive emotion, when in public settings. Time outs do not appear to work, as she screams louder, catching notice of everyone within several hundred yards. To make matters worse, my wife won't allow me to take a firmer hand with her, as she feels I am belittling our daughter. Please, any suggestions would be helpful.

Answer 1

When she does this take her out of the setting if you are in public take her to the car buckle her in and tell her we are leaving because of your behavior if she continues then you should do exactly as you tell her you are going to do. YOU and your wife are going to have to be firm with her and tell her hitting is not exceptable. ALWAYS mean what you say and say what you mean. Also dont reward her for being bad by tell her if you stop then we will get you....or buy you....dont ever brib her. If  you put her in time out it should be some place where she is safe but where she cant be entertain. Also get a timer set it for 6 minutes while in time out tell her it will keep getting reset as long as she is screaming and crying if she continues then let her set in timeout as long as it takes she will evenually stop. Also you and your wife need to be a united front . So I hope this helps also I have done these things my self and I have a very well behaved 6 1\2 year old and 2 year old so I hope this helps. ALso try talk to her once she is calm..

Answer 2

Come on sometimes lilttle children cry when they cant explain pain.................maybe it could be colic?............do not lose patience

Answer 3

Is she spoiled ? Or maybe she needs counseling. We can't tell much from here, but I know of a child that screams like that, but it's because of what she sees at home. Her parents are white trash and argue whenever and wherever they deem fit.

Answer 4

Taking them home immediately and taking away privileges really does work as long as you are consistent about it.  It can really suck for you as a parent for a while if you're having to leave a basket of groceries, etc. but it will get the message across.  

Where I live, if you hit a child in public you risk having them taken away from you. I would be very careful about that.

I also think it's good to spell out to a child as old as 6 what is unacceptable about the situation - not just the biting, but the fact that they made a scene in public and it's embarrassing.  Get it across that nothing is going to be resolved in public, it has to wait until you get home, and that "I want doesn't get."

As for the belittling...make sure you separate her actions from her.  Don't tell her, "You're a brat," that's belittling.  "You're acting like a brat right now" puts it on the actions .

Answer 5

Do the same thing. Make a seen out at the restaurant. Cry, scream, and throw your suit case all over the place. Beg HER for the cookie and to watch Sesame Street reruns

Answer 6

Take a moment to think back to your childhood and answer this question ..

Which hurts more? A slap on the wrist or legs .. or not being able to play with your favorite toy for a month?

I am a bit undecided on spanking children, then again I dont have any children of my own, so Im not in a position to comment too much on that. It just makes sense that adopting a long term, non contact punishment can get a point across better than short term pain. Children can quickly get over smacks and resort to the same behaviour again. Its better to give them something to remember and reflect on next time they go to play up.

Answer 7

What always worked for my kids was to talk to them before going anywhere in a calm manner and telling them that if they act out in any way, like crying or tantrums...that they won't have any fun because we'd go home immediately. If they acted up in public, no matter if I was shopping for food or whatever the cause may be, I'd tell them eye to eye that we were leaving right now because they don't know how to be nice and they can forget their favorite cereal or candy.  Then when I got them home, I took away their favorite toys and explained why I did.  They then had to earn them back by showing me how nice they could be.  We kept a "reward" chart on the fridge and I bought those star stickers and every time they showed me that they could be good...they'd earn a sticker for the day.  When they had a whole week of stickers, I reminded them how good they were and then took them to the dollar store to pick out a toy.  Maybe you can try this approach with your child.  If this doesn't work.....talk to her pediatrician because there could be some underlying problem you aren't aware of.  Hope this helps and I hope your ears get a break soon.

Answer 8

My seven-yr-old grandson, although appearing normal in many ways, has asperger's syndrome, which is in the autism spectrum.  He is not learning disabled in the classic sense, but he has problems with person-to-person interaction at times.  Children with aspergers (and I'm not saying your child has it) lack the natural ability to communicate their feelings and so they more often turn to crying/screaming or hitting/ biting.  You can imagine how this will play out when your child is 14 or 25.  Not a pretty picture, so be sure to either read up or get some professional help; it's important to nip this in the bud now.  Children can be given the tools to interact in a socially acceptable manner, but it takes dedication and hard work and consistency.  Children also learn a lot from watching others, so it's important to take a critical look at the adults your child is around.  

My step-daughter used to behave terribly when her mom or dad were around because, although they would cajole or try to bribe her out of her bad behavior, no consequences were ever given. Finally they usually just gave in. When it was just me and her together, she was great, because I rewarded good behavior and put her in a time out for misbehavior.  I kept things on a positive note all I could. But, alas, she went on to be an out-of-control teenager and now at 27, has 4 kids with 4 dif fathers, never been married, and still on and off drugs.  My husband continues to support her financially, so she really never has any consequences. She will abandon her kids for a year or more here and there and they are now messed up, too.  I say get a handle on this while she's maleable.  Good luck.

Answer 9

take a class in discipline and get the child some counseling.  Whiney child, I would be very mad about being accused of abuse.  I know you were.

Answer 10

First of all, you and your wife need to be on the same page.  It is incredibly disrespectful for your child to scream at you and you should NOT stand for biting, hitting or the like.  Find something that your child loves whether it is a doll/toy or a favorite food/dessert and take it away when they act out.  In public, this is truly embarrassing.  I don't spank in public because it will only amplify the situation and you will continue to have issues with others and law enforcement getting involved.  I try not to spank too much but when I do, it shocks them more than hurts them and brings them back to who is in charge.  If time-outs don't work, try putting them in their room to "think" about their behavior.  You can also try not involving them in something that they really want to do.  My son, when he was 6 stole a DVD out of someones backpack the day after he hit that child and got in trouble for it.  I told him after the first time that he'd loose out on a costume party if I was called from the school again.  He ended up not going and I felt awful but from that day forward, he absolutely doesn't doubt that I will stand my ground.  Another point is that you and your wife need to follow through on any punishment you dole out.  If you say that it's time in your room alone for 10 min, don't shorten it and don't let it slide.  Good luck!!!

Answer 11

Spanking will not help and you tell your daughter that hitting is OK if you do it yourself. So firmer hand no, firmer voice yes.

First sit down with your wife and plan a strategy so if anything like screaming or hitting ever happens again you already know what you will do and you both agree on it so there will be no arguing

You could try something like this, when your daughter starts crying, you go down to her eye level and tell her in a soft voice "Stop" if she does not immediately stop tell her still a firm but soft voice what you planed, like we will leave if you don't stop. Wait for another 10 sec and then take her by her hand and leave, no matter what. You might even have to carry her in the car or to her room. Then let her be until she is done screaming. The consequence of her behavior is not the time out. It has to be something that is logic for what she did.

And you may try a game with her, I mean she is 6 so she is old enough. Switch roles tell her she is dad and you are her, just for an hour or so. Then you should behave nicely and badly and show her how it feels. And after that you could ask her what you should do with her if she behaves badly, tell her you do not want to spank her but you are out of ideas what else to do and let her tell you something, it will give her the possibility to understand your situation a little better.

Answer 12

Hitting the child will make it worse and constant yelling will make it worse.  First get your child checked out by a doctor...if clean bill of health..then you and your wife enroll in some parenting classes.  If the child is physically and mentally healthy then it is caused by what is going on in your home.

Answer 13

I think you and your wife should both agree on some ground rules and get on the same page definately.  I would also recommend not encouraging this behavior be paying too much attention to it. I know that may be hard if you're in public but when she starts screaming her head off and you both start doing whatever you can think of just so she will stop.... well she knows she can use that to her advantage.  When she realizes that she can no longer get her way or your attention by crying and screaming it will calm down a bit.  If she realizes you only pay attention to her when she behaves her behavior will change.

Answer 14

I think that officer overstepped their bounds.  I am a firm believer in spanking if it works.  It doesn't work for all children.  You could always take some toys away from her or other such punishments.  Good behavior begets praise.  Poor behavior begets punishment.  Your wife sounds like she is going to cause your daughter to grow up to be a brat.