My 7 year old..... I'm out of options.?

Question

my seven year old continuously lies about the behavior reports he is supposed to be bringing home on fridays. sometimes he just lies, and sometimes his teacher finds them crumpled up at school- after I have asked him over and over if he's had any "tallies" and if there's anything I need to know. He flat out looks me in the face. I have explained over and over that he gets into more trouble by not telling me- and he has been in alot of trouble for lying about it...

I've grounded him, taken away video games, even tried spanking..... I'm out of options. Otherwise= he's a pretty good kid. Please help- I've completely lost my patience.

Answer 1

are you sure he gets into more trouble by not telling you? if their wasn't a reason for lying, he would not do it.

maybe he doesn't want to be punished for the weekend so he waits until you find out on Monday.

if he doesn't bring home a behavior report every friday i would punish him, despite the report. if he doesn't have the report i would take away all television and video games all weekend, no exceptions, no earning it back. if your son is like most 7 year old boys, no tv and no videogames will teach him a lesson.

when you get the report on Monday, then you can punish him again for any behavior issues. he needs to understand that they are two separate offenses. he doesn't cover both with one punishment.

this needs to be handled now because not only is he lying because of his choices in school, but he is also being disobedient. you have caught him in his lies and he is continuing to do it.

any of the punishments you choose would work, but you cannot be wishy-washy about it. he needs to know what you believe is acceptable on that report each friday. have a set consequence SO their is no need to argue about it, or yell at him, or lecture. you read the report together, he can look on a chart to see what the punishment is, and it stands. no negotiations.

one good idea is to make the consequence chart together. so, if he has 2 tally marks (or whatever the system is) then he loses one night of video games. 3 tally marks tv and video games, 4 tally marks all weekend. or you can do treat or has to do extra chores or whatever. do not let him see you frazzled or stressed over this. stay calm and in control. you are the parent, you can handle this! it isn't a big deal. he does the crime, he does the time.

i would also talk to the teacher about the problem. maybe she has a solution to back you up such as having you sign the reports and bring them in on monday. if he doesn't have it signed, then he misses part of recess or doesn't get an ice cream treat. you could also set up a friday afternoon phone call. teachers love to a chance to chat with the parents so i am sure she would not mind at all. i am sure he would rather you read the report then discuss it with his teacher!!

Hope this helps. Good Luck. SD

Answer 2

I have a ten year old who still does this.  It is called negative attention.  When he does bad or naughty things you give him attention.  He is feeding off of that.  Talk to his school counselor and see if he / she has  any ideas on how you may help him.

Answer 3

...is he finding it difficult at school?

and does he need more outdoor exercise

first a lot of parents are currently having huge difficulty's with this male age group, so hopefully more information will come up soon that will help.

usually at this age he'd be acting up because he doesn't think his adults know what there doing

he doesn't need to tell you the truth your not telling him ...'the truth'

7 is often the playground end of fairytales.

you've lost your patience and he's in a repetitive cycle

The best answer would be to cancel everything and spend the week somewhere else, getting reacquainted on different turf can often make you see things more clearly

Most situations that get to this point are a product of inadequate communication right questions asked at the wrong time, probably in the wrong way got No's. and wrong questions asked in the right way at sneaky (when your busy) times were given a yes.

What would make you willing to get into all that trouble, what could possibly be going on inside his head?

If you can't do a week break routine for him show him he and his behaviour are SO IMPORTANT to you

he wont be going to school for the day

you wont be doing your thing work etc

and you and he are going to spend the day . Together . Getting to the bottom of it

Explain sometimes we get ourselves into things and they just get bigger and bigger

try and find points at which if the situation happened again he could have asked for help

try and work out a good way that he can tell you in the future when somethings bothering him

(my take on boys) is they make noises they bang, or holler, dig, knock when there upset or trying to think things through.

currently mine have taken to tapping on the typewritter when they are emotionally distraught

im hopeing one day they will use real words!

Answer 4

Could the teacher email you at the end of the week to let you know how he did behaviorally?  If so, I would ask her to still send a report home with your son.  Explain to her that you are trying to teach him to be honest and responsible.  Tell her that he hasn't always been giving you the written reports.  Then, explain to your son that his teacher will be emailing you on MONDAY to verify that you received his behavior report.  You may want to set up a reward for him like if he remembers to give you his behavior report for an entire month (4 Fridays) he gets something small at the end of the month.

Maybe if he knows you can check up on him (via the teacher's email) but you trust that he will do what is expected and plan to reward him for doing so, he just might cooperate.  Best of Luck.

Answer 5

tell him if he cant be trusted to bring his behavior reports home then you will have to start picking them up from the teacher on a friday yourself and take him in with you when you go so that you can both hear what the teacher has to say. he won't like being treat diffrent to the other children in his class and after a few weeks you can ask him if he would like to try bringing them home himself again and see how he goes.

good luck with a tricky situation