My 7 year old daughter is having a problem with "letting things go".?

Question

I'm 20 weeks along with twins and while my husband, 13 year old daughter, and I are very excited for the new arrivals my 7 year old is not so thrilled. Yes, she is thrilled about the new additions to our family but not so excited about having to switch rooms and make way for the babies. We're having to transform her two-part studio-style bedroom into the twins' nursery due to space issues which has not gone over well with her. We've been trying to explain to her that she'll have her own space and that it's always good to share with our siblings but nothing seems to go over well with her. She's so focused on "it's my room and nobody can take it away from me". Also we think part of the problem is knowing she won't be the baby of the family anymore and I think that upsets her too more than anything. Is there anything my husband and I can do to help the situation?

Answer 1

Tell her to get over it. It sounds harsh but the more attention you give her over this the longer it will play out. Involve her in the decorating but if she starts whinging about having to share then tell her to get over it. It is how it will be. Families make allowances for each other. She has the choice to be involved in decorating her new room how she wants or whinging and having no choice.

The more attention you pay to her behaviour the bigger the pay off.

Answer 2

Whatever you do, be careful not to go overboard and reinforce the negative behavior--it sounds to me like you might be making too big a deal out of it all.  I was the 3rd child of 6, and my parents had a farmer's family attitude towards it all--us kids made do, no one fussed over any single child's 'adjustment' problems.  It worked just fine.  

I think you're making things harder for your daughter by explainiing too hard.  "You'll have your own space and it's always good to share..."  are red flags that warn a child that "Mom and Dad are trying to tell me something...."

My parents just never put those red flags out there for me to think about (and get scared by) in the first place.

Answer 3

Well, maybe you should, when she moves into her new room of course, let her choos eall the things to decorate with, let her pick where the things go, I hope she gets over it.

Goodluck.

Answer 4

She needs to feel very involved right now. So make sure you involve her as best as you can, let her be part of the naming, decorating and caring for the babies. Assign her different jobs, for example she is in charge of bottle making, or she is in charge of feeding or nappy helping etc. Let her know that the twins will rely on her to be a mature big sister. Tell her that her new space will be just as nice and pretty and that she will have a lit of say in what goes on in the room. Treat her with as much attention as you can, and although it will be hard try not ot ignore her too much.

Good luck, I hope you have beautiful twins and I hope everthing goes well for you x

Answer 5

Just keep reassuring her that you love her and go on with your plans. If you cave to this now it will snowball. Give her time, she still has quite a while to adjust before they get here. I would start on the room ASAP so she has adjusted to that before the twins get here. Good luck even those who put up the biggest fights still love their siblings once they are here.

Answer 6

i agree with jenny

Answer 7

The best thing to do is get her excited. Tell her that she is lucky to be getting a new bedroom, one she can create herself. I'd take her to the paint store, or ikea or bobs or a furniture/decor store of somekind and have her choose the things she wants for her room. You should spend some special time alone with both of your daughters to let them know that they are both really special to you. Just keep her motivated, and tell her she can even help with the nursury decor! She'll love that.

the best luck to you,

Answer 8

sit her down and let her pick the decor for her room bedding paint ect. it helped my daughter//

Answer 9

my brother was born when i was 8. i didn't need to give up any room for him, but i've always disliked change...ALOT. at age 3-7 that meant "temper tantrums alot"

what i can tell you from my experience is that the more you allow her to help with the babies and feel like she has a part in things it will not be so hard for her. And do try to find mommy-daughter time to spend with her as much as possible for a while.

yes it was hard to not get all the attention anymore, and have to share things like the bathroom, but she'll soon get used to it. let her know that you understand that it might not be "fair" but she'll end up loving her siblings so much it won't matter.

a house is much more fun with many siblings. i would be thrilled to have 3 of them! let her know just how much fun it will be!

=]

Answer 10

I would agree to not make a big deal of it.  Letting her have a say in decorating her new space (will she have her own room or is she sharing with the 13 year old?) and do not respond to the rest. (That is not quite the same as ignoring it.  You can still listen if you are concerned about how she feels but don't let her know you are listening particularly and don't respond to it.)  I felt a bit of guilt always  that I was unseating the last baby whenever a new one was born (I only have 3) but, both times, a new sibling was very good for them once we got over the adjustment.  

Hopefully, your seven year old will like them better when they get here.

Answer 11

Well, I think she has the right to feel like this. Try and get her more excited about being a big sister and being a rolemodel.

Answer 12

THINGS THAT CAUSE CHANGE IN CHILDREN CAN PFTEN RESULT IN RESENTMENT AND MILD DEPRESSION. ITS IMPORTANT TO TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER AND MAYBE ASK HER IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO A COUNCELER ABOUT THE THINGS SHE IS FEELING. IT OFTEN HELP TALKING TO SOMEBODY THAT IS NOT DIRECTLY INVOVED IN THE SITUATION OF THE CHILD, BECAUSE THEY FEEL THEY CAN POUR THEIR HEART OUT WITHOUT IT OFFENDING THEIR LOVED ONES. GOOD LUCK AND PLEASE DONT LEAVE4 THIS ISSUE BECAUSE4 IT COULD ESCALATE. NEVER IGNORE CRYS FOR HELP FROM YOUR CHIOLDREN. SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE NIP PROBLEMS IN THE BUD!