My 7yr old nephew disciplines my daughter. ?

Question

My sister who is a stay at home mom has my 3yr old daughter 8 hours a day while I work. I'm a single mother, so it makes it very hard leaving my child in her care. I've been having a problem lately. My 7yr old nephew is always yelling at her for stuff. So I got onto him about it the other day, and then I started yelling at my daughter for the same reason he was. My sister was like, you can't tell him not to yell at her and then start yelling at her. I said, oh yes I can I'm her mother and he is not. The difference is that he doesn't know how to discipline without totally freaking out on her. I feel that it is just teaching her that yelling and screaming is ok. I told my sister that I needed her to back me up when it came to her son and she said that there was just some things that she didn't agree with. I feel like weather she agrees with me or not she should back me up in some way. Her kids treat me with no respect because they don't see me as an authority figure. What should I do. Should I sit her down and tell her that she needs to start backing me up, or should I just let it go. I don't like fighting with her cause she always makes little things into these big issues and then won't talk to me for like a week. I just don't want my kid to start treating me like hers do. Maybe I should find another sitter.

Answer 1

The best solution to this problem is to find another sitter.  Seems like there is a lot of yelling going on in your family. Where does the nephew learn to yell at his cousin?  He probably gets yelled at by his mom (your sister) so that's all he knows.  So, she's probably yelling at her son, and your daughter and you're yelling at your daughter, and I'd bet that you and your sister yell at each other when you're upset.  Seriously,  find another sitter and stop yelling at each other.  Toddlers learning by modeling others and if she's being yelled at by her cousin, aunt, and by you, this is what she is going to learn.  If this contiunues, she'll probably grow up to yell at her children too or other kids herself.  Get a new sitter and get her in a new "non-yelling" environment.  Good luck.

Answer 2

You are right and so is your sister.

Your sister's kids need to treat you with respect, because they need to treat all others, and especially adults with respect. A 7 year old should not be disciplining another child, and should not be yelling at her. Yelling accomplishes nothing (either for the 7 year old or for you) except teach the 3 year old that yelling is appropriate behavior. It is not TEACHING a toddler the correct way to behave.

Your sister should back you up and recognize that you may have a different parenting style than she has, and that is your right as a parent. Ideally you would talk to your sister about parenting issues so that you can both understand each other and learn from each other. Try not to fight about it - you both want to be good mothers and raise happy, self-sufficient kids into independent adults.

Answer 3

I think you should find another sitter that way you do not have to deal with the drama.

Answer 4

You definitely need to find another sitter.  If discipline is needed, it should be your sister doing it as the responsible adult paid to look after your child, NOT a 7-year old.  Your sister should not be allowing that to happen either.

Although people often think that having family members look after your children is the be-all and end-all, it often leads to problems like you are describing.  And it is compounded by the fact that the family member is often not paid, or paid less than a babysitter would be, so the parent feels like they can't say anything.

Answer 5

The way your nephew was acting is common.  Because your daughter is at his house on a regular basis, she's probably more like a little sister to him than a cousin.  That part is actually quite sweet.  But of course, you don't want him yelling at or disciplining her.  When my niece was about your nephew's age, she started trying to discipline my son, who was about 18 months old at the time.  Instead of yelling at her, I thanked her for trying to help but then told her that only I should discipline him since I'm his only mommy.  I asked her if she would "help" me if she saw him doing something that she knew he wasn't supposed to do by coming to get me.  She felt like a good little helper, and it did the trick.

You can't expect a 7 - year - old child to know how to discipline the way a  grown woman does.  So while I understand how you were feeling, you should apologize for letting into him.  Then, explain why you want to be the one to discipline your daughter.  Good luck, and I hope you guys can smooth things over.

Answer 6

i think you have done what you could as far as your sister goes. you asked her to back you up, and she said no, not when she doesn't agree. then to top it off, she gets an attitude and keeps it for a week. you don't need that in your life, being a single mother is hard enough.

it is not the 7 year olds place to do any discipline with your daughter. there is a limit. i mean, if she was going to run in the street and he grabbed her and said no no that is different. that is protection, not disipline.

and as far as authority goes, that will be the case if you aren't careful. you can raise your daughter a certain way, but when she is around that 8 hours out of the day, she will pick things up. i would definitly suggest getting a different sitter. then your nephew and daughter can be cousins, and not father, daughter.

i do think you are in the right though. the problem is, you have approached her and she won't respect your decision. what else will she go against when it comes to the way you want to raise your daughter? good luck.

Answer 7

look for another person to take care of her if you are not happy.  most likely he is treating her like he  would a sister but if you are unhappy and she won't stop it then look for a calmer house