My 8 Year Old Daughter Says She Has Been Touched By My Friends 14 Year Old Son (UK)?

Question

My 8 year old daughter told me last week she had been touched by my best friends 14 year old son while i was shopping in the supermarket with my friend. Below is everything she told me which i have written down and put away for safe keeping.

We left them in the car as normally when we take them into a supermarket they are always asking for things. We were not going to be long so we left the kids in the unlocked car. I am not using real names to protect my daughter. My friends son i will call 'Adam' and my daughter i will call 'Lauren'.

Adam asked Lauren 'Whack me in the bits (his groin) with your hand' Lauren replied 'No', Adam then asked Lauren 'Whack me with this then' (he had hold of a game console case) to which Lauren replied 'No, I might break it'

Lauren then stood up to have a look at the plants in front of the car and to see if i was coming back when Adam put his hand up Lauren's dress. Adam rubbed Lauren's bottom through her pants with his left hand and Lauren said 'Get off'. Adam then said 'Can i touch the front bit (meaning her privates)' but Lauren said 'No' and sat down again.

Adam then asked 'Whack me in the bits with my game console case' and again Lauren replied 'No'.

Adam told Lauren not to tell her mum because he would get into a lot of trouble.

I have always told my daughter not to let anyone touch her 'down there' as it is wrong at her age and that if anyone does she has to tell me. She does not keep any secrets from me and became very upset while she was telling me everything.

I did speak to my friend to let him know what was going on but my daughter had only said that Adam had touched her bottom and she had not told me that Adam had asked to touch her front bits. My friend had a talk with his son who denied everything and said it was sick.

I know that my daughter would not make something like this up but what do i do now that i have the full story. I don't know what to do. I plan to show my friend what i wrote down when my daughter told me everything. My daughter was scared and thought i would not believe her but i do believe her. Can anyone help?

Answer 1

Your daughter is obviously telling the truth. Your 'friend' has not dealt with this adequately and her son will only get worse until she does.

But, calling the police might open a can of worms.  I'm not saying 'don't', just consider the consequences.

It will be traumatic for Lauren to be near this boy again. So, I think I would stop socialising with these people until they absolutely accept that it DID happen, and deal with it properly.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I would call the police, of course he denies it

He told her he'd get in trouble if she said anything and to me that says he might have done it to others before.

What does his parents have to say about this?

Do they believe him or your daughter?

Answer 3

You did the right thing by telling this kids mother (your friend) what her son did to your daughter.  I am sure she did not lie about it and I am sure that he is scared to tell the truth and admit that he touched your daughter.  In these situations it is always best to do what you feel is right, I do feel that he will learn a real lesson if you contact the police

You don't have to charge your friends child with sexual assault etc but you could have an officer talk with this young man and explain to him what will happen if he ever does this again.  Sometimes just getting the police to have a talk with them will make them realize how serious of an offence it is.  Kids can be curious at these ages and it may be that this boy is curious about girls private parts etc and thought that your daughter may be willing to allow him to do what he did.

Make the decision based on what you feel is best not only for your daughters sake but for other girls he may do this to in the future if he does not get that it is serious and not acceptable he could do it to someone else.

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out ok.  Also make sure you sit down with your daughter and tell her that she did the right thing by telling you and that you are very proud of her.

Answer 4

Keep your daughter away from this boy at all cost. As for your friend for her to just believe her son with no second thought is wrong. Have this conversation again with your friend in person with her son there don't bring your daughter because she will be embarassed and scared. Your friend needs to take this situation seriously because this boy is hormonal and a bit weird ( hit me with the game). He can get himself in alot of trouble. Please talk to her again before he goes further with another child. Also to let him know he can't get away with S**T like that. Warn your friend she may have a Pedophile on her hands because 14 and 8 is a big age difference he knows better.

Answer 5

i agree with daisy's comment POLICE NOW or do something as some serious action needs to be taken. if this person is a good parent they will want to find out the truth.

Your daughter need you to be strong for her. This boy needs to shown that he cannot behave like this now before he tries worse. and never leave children ( a 14yr old boy is still a child) alone in a carpark, anything could happen

Answer 6

i agree with most of these comments on that you belive your daughter, this must also be a difficult situation for your friend too, and of course adam wasnt going to admit to it, if you would still like to remain friends with your friend though you could speak to your daughter tell her that you do belive her, it was good that she told you and that what he did was wrong, and see how she feels about still being friends with the adam and parent and that you will never leave her with him again so that it cant happen again, you wouldnt want to remain friends and find out in years to come that your daughter has resented you for  remaining friends, so have a chat with your daughter!

the fact that she told will have prob have scared adam from trying anything again anyway.  If you do remain friends with your friend, just have another chat and explain that you do belive your daughter and that you dont wish for them to be left alone together again, your friend should be prepared to respect this!  

Answer 7

first things first you must believe your daughter over anyone else! This is extremely weird for an 8 year old girl to come out and "mke this up"!!! i would take to adam and his parents and probbaly never leave them alone together, if you get nowhere call the police and get them involved to find the real truth!

good lukc

x

Answer 8

The most important thing is that you reassure your daughter and let her know you won't put her in the same position again. Your friend may be offended but your daughter has put her trust in you and needs your help and to feel protected.  

I don't think you should show your friend the full details but just tell them that you know she wouldn't have made up something like that. 'Adam' is obviously a hormone ridden teen and needs to release some of this elsewhere, away from your daughter, in the form of sports or martial arts or even in his room with an adult magazine.

It is likely that as he has been called up on it now (even though he won't admit to anything) he will be too scared to try anything similar.  His parents will also probably be very cautious of him now but won't want to admit their son would do such a thing.

I think you have handled this very well so far and that your daughter obviously trusts you.  

Answer 9

I went through something similar believe your 8 year old, its obvious through her distress that she's telling the truth.I would notify the authorities and the parents and make sure your daughter understands categorically that what he did is not acceptable.You need to ensure the boy does not try this on with anyone else - that is your aim in pursuing this .I am sure many people would just let it go but he needs to understand that is not acceptable.

Answer 10

i think this too grown up for her to just make up. A 14 yr old boy who is flooding with hormones! so i think it is true. believe your daughter so she knows that you are supporting her, and so she can tell you things in the future. for now keep her daughter away from him.  

Answer 11

Kids deny stuff when they are afraid they will get in trouble, or when they know they did something wrong.  If Adam continues to deny this happened, there isn't much you can do.  Tell Lauren you believe her and that she did the right thing telling you.  From this point forward, do not trust Adam alone with your daughter.  That is about all you can do.

Answer 12

Oh my, first I want to say I am so sorry. I know how painful it can be to even imagine that someone has touched your child in an inappropriate manner.

I find it much more likely for him to be lying than your daughter. This is so hard because you don't want to lose your best friend but something needs to be done to protect your little girl.

I would never leave him alone with your daughter again for starters, obviously something happened! I would show your friend and his son what your daughter said and explain to your friend that your daughter was genuinely scared.

If it were me, I would get together with my friend and his son without your daughter and talk to the boy heart to heart. Tell him that you need to know the truth, that you understand he could have made a mistake and that you will not hate him etc...I think maybe if the boy is confronted not with anger but love and understanding he may be more willing to admit that he touched your daughter.

If still does not admit to touching her, keep your daughter in your sight at all times when visiting with your friend and his son. If he is not willing to admit to it, he may be willing to do it again. You don't want your daughter to go through that again!

I hope this helps. I really think you need to let him know things will be okay but he needs to tell the truth. If he admits to touching her, he need to go to a therapist. Sexual urges are normal at that age but thinking it is okay to touch someone unwilling is not okay.

Good luck and best wishes! Be strong!

Answer 13

This is very awkward as this is your friend.  Your daughter has told you what the boy has done and he seems to have taken advantage of her and got away with it.  You have confronted your friend and she has spoken to her son, who has denied everything. You believe your daughter which is the main thing.  The best thing for you to do is in future not let her be alone with this boy.  He may see an opportunity to do this again, so don't trust him to be alone with her again.

Answer 14

Invite your friend over with his son, then all sit down and have a long chat about it. Let your daughter say and show how upset and uncomfortable it made her feel.

Your friend should believe you. Why would you lie about such a thing?

Answer 15

You are in a very sticky situation and ultimately you have to put your daughter before your friendship. Her son is obviously at that age where he is discovering his sexuality so you must ensure that you never leave your daughter alone with him again. Whilst I would imagine he never really meant any harm I would seriously think about taking some legal advice.

Answer 16

okay 1st of all i think some people on here are a bit O.T.T! i think you should believe your daughter, even at 8 (well i know i did) you have a sort of babyish idea of this sort of thing. I'm not saying he did or didn't touch her but things might get lost in translation. how long have you know this boy? if you've known him most his life you should have a idea on his general behavior and what he's like at school. (his dad might have told you) if he is renowned for his sexual behavior then look into this further (i.e police as a last resort).

   maybe you should ask her if this had happened before, if so then i think you should tell his father and remember he may not be such the bad guy she makes out so don't accuse him, speak to him with an open mind. tell him that its all okay and you wont involve the police if he tells the truth, you just want to know.

   if he says he did... say okay, ask him why and try to get a full explanation, then empathise with him, tell him how you know what these hormones are like (do the old thing and say "i've been there before") give him tips on how to control himself. then you might want to bring your daughter in and ask him to apologise. i know it doesn't really take it back but what else can you do!

   if he Deny's it... ask him if he's sure, then ask to hear his account of what happened in the car, if he doesnt say things that your daugter says (not including the touching part) i.e hitting him with the game, ask is he's sure and say "so you didnt ask her to hit you?" sort of thing. it he still deny's it just say okay. sleep on it and then you might want to get the police involved, not to press charges but just to question him and tell him it's better to tell the real stoy and all that!

i also dont agree with leaving them alon was a bad idea, you never knew what was going to happen, but i would lay of their privicy together just for a bit!

hope all goes well,good luck. oh and 1 more thing, dont hold a grudge on him for the rest of his life. thats the worst thing you could ever do!

Answer 17

Police. Now. And learn the lesson of NEVER leaving a child with an adolesent who is not a relative....sorry this happened.

Answer 18

my grandaughter said she have been touched, when she was only 4 years old(She used different words of course.) I immediately called the police and went throught all the steps I was suppose too.  Please believe her.  My granddaughters parents said that I had told her to say that., but I had cusdody of her so I went and done everything I could do.  I was called crazy, but a 4 year old could not have said the things she said unless it was done to her

Answer 19

DO NOT ever leave her in the car with him again.Do not let her around this boy, good your daughter tells you things.Most children would be scared.Even if the son denies it it's for his own selfish reason and that probably he thinks your daughters a little baby that won't win the battle.Don't leave him alone with her anymore.Things like that happen.He's probably going through puberty or something still he had no right to touch your daughter even if he denies it and his mother believes him just don't let your kid around him alone again.

Answer 20

Go to the authorities/police immediately, you are out of your depth. What happened is wrong, illegal and needs to be sorted out for the sake of your daughter and to make sure this 'Adam' doesn't think he can get away with it and repeat with other children. Please believe your daughter, 8 yr olds don't make this stuff up.

Answer 21

I'm sorry this happened to her.  Go to the police and report him.  I don't care if this is your friend's son. I don't care if your friendship will be jeopardized because of this.  Do it.  You want to set a good example for your child - that you care enough about her to protect her.  I know it may be scary for her and you going to the police, but you have to do it for everyone's sake.  What happens if this happens again to her and she doesn't tell you because that last time she told you nothing was done about it?  She is young and may not truly understand the seriousness of this situation.  You need to show her that this is truly serious.  This boy is getting away with this and it is a bad path for him to follow because chances are he's done it before, and chances are he'll do something more serious later in life.  STOP HIM. GO TO THE POLICE.

Answer 22

police bring the  child parents on charges and have your daughter in counseling amd reasssure her that everything will be ok amd that you trust her