My 8 year old, soon to be 9, is acting out. Can someone help?

Question

Serious answers only please.

My 8 year old daughter has been misbehaving. Not all the times, but lately it has been worse. I believe in "Spare the rod spoil the child," but she is really acting out. Of course when you ask her what's wrong or why she did what she did it's

" I don't know"

She is the middle child. She was the baby for 6 years, but we had a new baby when she turned 6. The baby really did need a lot of attention, she was born 1 lbs 13oz. I have tried everything. I don't know if she wants more time with dad (huge daddy's girl) or me. I just do not know what to do anymore.

Her teachers says she is the smartest kid in her class. She gets A's & B's, but N's & U's for behavior, follows directions, get along with others.

I need help.

Answer 1

She may just be experimenting with power and limits. Be firm and consistent with discipline.

Or something could be bothering her.  If she is really smart, she might be bored in school and keeping it together all day (tolerating the slow boring routine) so when she gets home she is frustrated.  If she complains to you about school being too easy, ask the teacher to differentiate the curriculum for her to challenge her more.  Don't let the teacher just give her extra work or help other students (at least not on a regular basis).  It isn't fair for her to have more, she just needs different.

Definitely keep talking to her and keep the lines of communication open.  She might need more time with dad or with both of you.  Give her lots of hugs and support until she either works it out on her own or tells you what is going on.

Answer 2

Well if i was in ur state, bargain with her, becuase she's the same age as my cousin and they aren't always so easy to interact with. you need to find out at what times she behaves more or less, and think if those times connect to any reason of misbehavior. Once you figure the reason out she has bad deneabour, u then need to bargain with her why she does it and don't give up asking...maybe she'll get tired a say...

Hope this helped, and pls let me know if my sugeston helped or not, :D

Answer 3

I have a 9yr old son who very rarely misbehaves. Maybe he's just good at not getting caught but judging by my son's personality, he's a smart kid but not cleaver at hiding things.

All kids act out at one point or another. I would think it odd if they didn't. I'm a middle child and I ALWAYS did things for attention. My son is an only child so far, I'm 4mo pregnant with my second. Observe your daughter closely to see if you notice a pattern in her behavior. She may be just trying to get some attention.. she may actually be beginning to develop that independent-you can tell me nothing attitude that most kids develop. You didn't really mention how she's misbehaving and it seems like she's a pretty good kid. If your daughter is going drastically outside the rules with no regard, she may not take the rules seriously. Again, since you didn't mention what she's doing, I have no idea.

Whenever my son does something against the rules, I ask him what he was thinking at the time. I try to get him to think about what he's doing and why. I too believe in "spare the rod, spoil the child" but it feels wrong to me to punish without first giving my son the chance to explain himself.

Answer 4

Exactly what is she doing that's wrong?

Answer 5

She may just want the attention because of the little one and is lashing out in frustration. She may have an attention deficit or food allergies. I would see the pediatrician and go from there.

In the meantime, perhaps the reward system may work for her. A sticker or piece of candy every day she behaves. Maybe after three good days, that means ice cream with dad.

Even if she has been bad that day, make sure you tell her you love her every day and that she is so very special to you. Check out an attention problem, learning disability, or food allergy. Good Luck!

PS: Please do not spank the child. It will escalate the issues and really make things worse. You want her to use her words when she is trying to convey a point or vent a frustration... so should you. She can learn by example.

Answer 6

maybe she is acting out to get more of your attention.  Why don't you try to put aside time every day just for you and her.  Try that for a while and see if it helps.  Sometimes kids are determined to get attention, even if it is negative attention.

Answer 7

Her behavior seems normal. She just wants more attention from you. Do not reprimand her. My youngest son acts that way sometimes when he is really in need for attention. Usually, to make it even, I go on a date with each, individually..we spend the whole day together, do fun stuff together and have him involve in my world. Although, this may lead to co-dependency, but what I am trying to do here is to show him that I love him as much as his older brother. His older brother has a time when he wants attention and that is at night. So, dividing "the love" for each child might help the relationship between you and your child. Your new baby does not need constant attention because he/she can't tell the difference yet, your newborn sleeps most of the time, take advantage to dedicate those minutes to your daughter. Forget about cleaning, time together with your daughter is more important right now.

Either way, you are doing a wonderful job, because you care for your daughter's sake.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Answer 8

Ours does the same to a degree.

I'm sure its for attention but also a side effect of being smart.

We encouraged ours to play with friends more, particularly outside so she can have more freedom and not need to fight for attention.

We also asked her if there were any hobbies or pastimes she would like to take up and ours wanted to learn the electric guitar.

This has helped a lot as she needs to sit and concentrate but needs lots of support.

We still get answering back to not to the same degree and there has been an improvement.

Ours has been rated at 4 years ahead on reading and other activities so to a degree I think part of it is they feel stifled and in a rut.

Since we gave her more freedom it seems to have done the trick.

Answer 9

If you re-read your own post, you will find that you actually know what's going on here.  Go with your gut on this one.  If you think it may be that she needs more attention, work it out so that it is a reward for good behavior.  Put up and chart on the frig and list both of your older children that they can earn stars which will earn them a reward.  Try also to take her with you grocery shopping and on errands too, time alone with her doesn't have to be a happy meal.

Answer 10

I suppose you never went through puberty?  If you did then you would probably recognize that is what your child is going through and rather than using physical violence against her you could be talking with her, teaching her.  But you wouldn't want to do that when beating her is so much easier huh?

Answer 11

Maybe she's acting out because she needs your love.  I'm not saying you don't love her...but maybe she is just REALLY needing you now.  Maybe plan some mommy/daughter days?  Reward her good behavior...like I have a friend that has this jar for her kid and she puts balls or marbles in it for good behavior and takes the out for bad behavoir and when she get so many in there she gets something special.