My 8 year old boy looses his mind when his 15 month old brother touches his toys?

Question

I have a 8 year old boy. Of course for 7 years he didnt have to worry about his stuff being messed with. However, I am not going to allow him to yell and shut his 15 mo. brother out of his room. I have tried everything. Explaining does nothing. I took the door k**b off so he would not lock the door. I give him praise when he doesnt push the baby out. I think my patience will burst..he screams and now has started crying!!! just for his brother being in the room. He is even touching his most favorite toys, then the baby screams.

How do I get through to him. We have a play room with tons of toys, but it is not fair to the baby not to be allowed in his room.

Any advice. My 8 year old is extremly defiant, actually has tried raising his hands to me.In which I let him know immediately that is not tolerated. I still do not think he "gets" it.

Answer 1

I had a problem like this with my 7 year old.  I thought that he should allow that child into is room and understand that the baby is just a baby.  I was wrong.   He doesn't understand that concept in full like we do.  The best thing I ever did was change the way I was thinking about him.

I was angry at him, and thinking he was a brat, and had a problem being nice, etc.  ... but they are just worried and nervous and jealous.  And they don't have the patience adults do.  Once I calmed down and stopped pushing the relationship between them.. it got better by itself.  

If they don't share bedrooms than the little one can visit sometimes.. but your son probably just needs to know he still has his space, and his mommy, and little by little will warm back up. It may take a longer time now because he has hostility.

If he is rude to you or the baby he still needs to be diciplined however you do that.  

Hope this works out for you and I'm sorry your so stressed out.

Answer 2

This may very well be a safety issue. Your older son sounds spoiled, and by no means should ever lay a hand on something as fragile as a baby.

If you force him to let the baby into his room, he may  be spiteful and try to hurt the baby. I'm telling you this, because I've seen it. Parents think their kids are angels and keep making excuses for them.

If he has the audacity to raise his hand at his mother, it is because he was never made to know that the world does not revolve around him. For children who do not have respect for their general "insignificance", well,  eventually everyone else just seems insignificant to them.

This can be extremely dangerous for your 15-month old.

And before any whining bleeding-heart mothers start defending this 8-year-old tyrant.....yes, I have a kid, and she doesn't beat the c**p out of other kids who play with her toys.

Answer 3

Super Nanny deals with this stuff all the time. It may sound silly, but watch an episode. I have actually learned a lot from that woman.  Time outs, consistent discipline, routines, consequences -- all seems to work.  Good luck to you!

Answer 4

OK, so I thought about this for a few minutes and here is what I came up with.  I'm a Kinder teacher but have study a little on child behaviour and have my own so it's the best I could come up with. It might be a bit of a hassle but I think it would help.

Firstly explain the big brother responsibilities etc. Secondly empathise with your 8 yr old about how little brothers can be a pain, explain why you 15 month old does what he does. Thirdly tell him that you understand him not wanting his little bro to touch his toys.  Ask him if he is willing to share some toys. Get an only for your 8 year old shelf, drawer etc.  Tell him that these toys are especially for him but they are his responsibility.  So he can play with him during 'his' time. Make sure he has sufficient time to play without his little bro being a pain in the bum.  Make sure the toys are out of your 15 month old reach.  Let him contribute to the plan, make sure you value his ideas and show interest. Ensure you also tell him he only gets these special times/toys etc if he is willing to share at other times.

When he yells at you.  Tell him your not going to pay any attention to him until he speaks nicely and respectfully.  When he calms down explain why it hurts your feelings etc. Then talk to him about why he is so upset.

Hope this helps!