My 8-year old daughter intends to ignore or resist what parents want her to do. She is tardy in taking action.

Question

But she has no intellectual problems and any abnormal signs.

Answer 1

I use the "insist/assist" technique...I insist that she does something, assist her if she needs it, and take away privileges when she does not perform to a specified standard. It's important that she knows the standard first,though, and specifically.

And in some things you may need to get her "buy in"....I've been successful with having her form a contract with me, including allowing her to suggest the consequences...For example, she has certain chores she has to do each day, or she loses her computer, video game, friends visiting, parties, etc...

And I can preach consistency, but I know how hard that can be sometimes when life gets so busy, but the kid has to see you TRY to be consistent..

Good luck...(you're not alone! Hang in there!)

Answer 2

You should make clear to your daughter that you know better what is necessary and that she therefore is obliged to do what you tell her to do. If she still disobeys, tell her that you will punish her (ban her from TV or computer and/or spank her). If she still ignores you go through and punish her as told. Repeat as often as necessary. At 8 years, it might take a while for your daughter to understand that there is a new regime, but it is not too late, even if that means that in the beginning she has a red bottom every day. She will be quick to learn, I am sure.

Answer 3

Some people are more stubborn than others & the more you push them the more they dig in their heals. She might be the kind of person who is just going to do her own thing & live with the consequenses. Just make sure you are ten steps a head of her. Keep a journal so you can remember it all. If you are at the store & ready to go & she won't move then. Start taking her favorite cereal & putting it back. If there is nothing to take then just let her miss something & let her see she could have watched her favorite show but because she wouldn't obey you in the store earlier she didn't get to see her show. Set really good examples cause that is the best way to teach a stubborn person.

Answer 4

We are raising an 8 year old granddaughter.  They sound similar.  Our granddaughter is a very strong willed child.  Stubborn!  She has a 11 year old brother whom she trys to compete with.  With our granddaughter it is an issue of power.  She loves power.  When she feels that she has power everything goes well.  That works ...Sometimes!  She hasa brown belt in Tae Kwon Do, and she sometimes teaches forms and sparring techniques to new students.  When she is doing that, she is fine.  Her brother has a Temporary Black Belt, and when he has to instruct her in class, she becomes resistant.    

She often tests my wife when  my wife tries to work on her spelling with her or something.  My wife is too easy going.  Granddaughter just wears my wife down in a contest of wills.

Now, I don't take any c**p!  I am fair and loving, but no one is going to test me or wear me down!  And that crying tactic don't get it either!  Everything she tries with me just makes it worse for her.  I do not often have problems with her.  She seems to look for blocks to impede progress, but I remain steadfast and keep her on task.  I am the person she comes running to to show me her perfect score in spelling!  She likes to feel proud of herself.

She does like intensive one on one.  When she has me all to herself, she is at her best.   I think that having my complete attention makes her feel empowered.

She likes to feel pretty.  I use that.   "Do a form for me. Make it really pretty.  Lots of power, and good technique.  Make it pretty!"  I can get several really nicely done Tae Kwon Do forms from her that way, before fatigue begins to affect her.

Granddaughter is also "tardy" in responding to us.  She has her own agendas, things that she wants to do and issues that are in her mind.  What SHE wants to do is far more important to her that anything that we want her to do.  And, having that strong personality, can create problems.  

One of my wifes favorite sayings is, "Patience is a virtue."  One day they were doing something for school, and I heard granddaughter tell grandma in exasperation, "Grandma!  Patience is a virtue!"  They can feed it back to us!

We have to be the parent, not a friend.  We are in charge.  They  do what we say, or they must experience discomt in some form until they do.  And in a contest of will, you never let them win.  When they cooperate,they get good things.  I do not know enough about your specific situation, so I cannot be specific.

Answer 5

Consequences.