My 8 year old has problems working in groups....how can i help him?

Question

my son is very smart and exceeds expections in most aspects of his schooling his report card is near perfect with the exception of working in groups. I have asked him why this is and he says and i quote "all the other kids are dumb and they argue with me when i tell them they are wrong" So i explained to him that maybe the way he words it hurts their feelings. I told him that instead of telling them they are wrong he could say something like " hey...we got different answers maybe we should go over it together" and i told him that because he is so smart it would be nice of him to help the other kids when they have problems with the work but to do so without giving them the answer or they will not learn for themselves.

And i got his report card last week and he had the same mark as last term. I don't know what else to say to him to make working in groups less frustrating for him.

Answer 1

Join him up to a team sport like soccer, touch football, drama etc.  I would also request that he goes into a class next year with some kids who are brighter than him.  My daughter breezed her way through grade 3 and was not challenged at all, she was the best reader and only got 1 word wrong the whole year in spelling tests and when she did some kids picked on her for it.  I asked for her to be put in a class with brighter kids for grade 4 and it made all the difference she had a healthy sort of competiveness and often topped her class or was in the top 3.  She finished grade 4 with all 'As' and is off to a flying start this year.  Making him a helper for the other kids in class this year could help also.

Answer 2

He needs to learn social skills in terms of how to function with people who disagree with him - believe me I had to learn this and it took me years so it would be great if he can learn it now aged 8. Speaking to the teacher would probably be a really good idea as she will have a fuller picture of how is is within a group but from my own experience...

The most valuable lessons he could learn are..

He doesnt always need to be right.

He doesnt always need to talk/offer ideas even if he is really itching to. Just because he is bright he doesnt need to do all the work.

Teach him to wait and listen as the other children in the group might not be quite as dumb as he immediatly thinks.

Help him work on his listening skills

Is it possible that he has an opinion of being superior to the other children? - remember it is not his job to teach them anything but it is his job to learn to accept other people have different ways of learning and coming to their answers.

You say he is bright in most areas. Is there a situation he could go to to learn something which is has to work hard at? This way he will develop empathy for others and also deepen his own skills by broadening his ability to cope with not always having to be perfect and that learning and making mistakes is ok to.

Just some ideas. It is hard to maintain perfection and it is important to learn that you can relax and make mistakes to. It is probably not a good idea to think you are invincible otherwise when he comes across something he finds hard he might struggle to understand and cope with not being able to do it.

Answer 3

It is common for children who are a little bright in some areas to have low social intelligence. I have seen many kids, especially those with a high mathematical intelligence, get frustrated and annoyed when working with other children - even if the other children are just as bright as them. Sometimes they have difficulty 'letting go' and listening to other people's ideas.

Keep talking to him like you have been doing, and eventually he will get it. Remind him that the other kids ideas and views are just as valuable as his. Sometimes kids like this need really SPECIFIC direction in social situations. For example, tell him exactly how to work with others'. He also really needs to learn to compromise when working with others. You could practice this at home as well.

Answer 4

try and make some play dates with the kids in his class and see if he getts along with them and then he'll have some kids to work with

Answer 5

try to take him out a little more and get him the hang of talking to people for no reason but fun, set up a play date with a few of his class mates and talk to him about what hes doing wrong tell him "hey buddy, i know what your saying is right but if you say it differently maybe it's gonna work! if you say something again and again the same way your always gonna get the same result" or something like that, give him some examples of how it can work so he understands. if it doesn't work then the other kids must be buggin'