My 8 year old son is very feminine. Do I discourage this? It doesn't bother me, but it bothers my mom.

Question

He has been raised around my mom and I for the majority of his young life, and he has a 4 year old sister. He likes combing dolls' hair and would rather do that then play with cars. My mom has started discouraging him when he does this? Is that right? His dad is NOT in the picture, but he has a step dad. He does 'boy' stuff as well, but he chooses to play with 'girl' toys sometimes. Thanks

Answer 1

I think it would be very wrong to discourage him from playing with girl toys.  Accept him for who he is now, and it will make his life better when he is older.

Answer 2

The first thing you need to do is rid your vocabulary of the words "boy stuff" and "girl stuff."  Let the child play the games that he wants to.  There is no problem with a young boy liking to play with dolls.  He could learn some very important skills.  

Your mother is still stuck in that time were there were certain things that a girl should do and certain things that boys should do.  By telling your son that he should only be playing with cars and your daughter that she should only be playing with dolls, you are setting the world back.  

However, since you seem to feel most of his influences are females, what you can do is make sure you are showing both HIM and your DAUGHTER those things that you would classify as "boy stuff."  Try to interest your children in a variety of things and see what it is they like to do.  Then support your child.  If your mother has a problem with it, remind her that while she is your mother she is not the mother of these children and you and your husband have a right to your own parenting style.

Answer 3

Leave him alone.  Trying to discourage him won't actually change his true nature, it will only give him poor self esteem.  

Answer 4

That don't hurt I grow up in a family of 3 siblings 2boys and 1 girl and we all played with each other toys but know my brothers are some of the manliest men I know and my sister and I are very girly .Its just a toy.

Answer 5

Let the boy alone.  Your mom worries because in her day girls played with dolls and boys played football.  Would you rather force your son to play sports and trucks and cops-n-robbers, take the fun out of childhood, and make him question who he is?  And all of that because your mom is worried that her grandson might not be the manly man she thinks he should be?

My two oldest are the boys to the core-rocks in their pockets and mud on their knees.  My daughter is as girly as you can get-barbies, dolls, pink and purple everything.  My 2yr old son goes both ways; he loves his doll baby Jack, has a serious shoe fettish, and is trying on his sister's headbands in front of the mirror right now;).  Does it bother me?  No-I'm just amazed at how well he can walk in his aunts high heels!  

Answer 6

Boys who play with dolls grow up to be very caring, loving husbands and fathers.  There is nothing wrong with him liking girl things, and it doesn't mean that he will by g*y.  If he is g*y, there is nothing you can do to change it anyway, so you might as well let him enjoy his childhood.  Maybe he doesn't like the toys that he has.  Take him to the store and let him pick something out.  As far as combing dolls hair, perhaps he is going to be a hairdresser when he grows up.  Again, nothing wrong with that.  

Answer 7

you just said its fine with you. I think the problem here is that you are a bit worried about what your mom thinks...... In a way I understand because she is there all the time but raise your son however you feel like raising him. Love him however he is. Forget about everybody else. Its just you and him.

Answer 8

I have a cousin that would ask for toy vacuum cleaners and one time he asked for a easy bake oven.  I don't remember if he played with dolls but I think it is good for a boy to play with dolls and pretend household toys.  It will teach them to develop parental instincts and if the mom supports them they will want to help out with the cleanliness of the house.  They learn to be sensitive and compassionate for when they are ready for marriage.

Answer 9

my cousin was also very feminine growing up. his parents discouraged him and called him g*y n told him he was goin to ride the short bus....n on n on all his life. he became very self consious walkin slowly when around people wit his head held down because he honestly believed he didnt belong n that he was stupid......now he is 14yrs old n he told me he is g*y.......i have no prob wit that but i also dont believe him. cuz ever since he first said that....now his parents n his bros are nice to him. i think its him tryin to get away from the verbal n physical punishment they have done all these yrs. and its workin....my advice from watching similar behaviors is accept him for who he is.....or you could coax him into more boyish things but without putting him down. it will make him feel accepted for who he is and also let him be himself and keep his confidence up. instead of baby dolls try introducing GI Joes or something of that nature. they have dolls for boys. also let ur girl in on the action...girls like cars and things that boys like. if you get them both interested in something they can do together that isint girlish its good. guys like tom girls anyhow :p.....good luck....

Answer 10

Let's put it this way:  I belong to a grief support group for parents whose child has died.  There are far worse things than a boy who plays with dolls sometimes.

Answer 11

So what if it bother's your mother?  Is SHE raising your son or are you?

Answer 12

Well, for your son's good, you should encourage him to conduct masculine activities. That would be better instead of him getting laughed at by bullies and the like when he's at the age of ten.

Answer 13

I suggest you help him with his feminine side. My 16 yr old son was just like yours, he loved his dolls and loved trying to help me with my hair nails and makeup. He loved being in the kitchen and helping me bake with his little apron on. I love him and am still trying to let him be him self he is still very feminine with long hair  and the clothing he choses. He hangg with all girls and loves all the hair and make up they do on each other. He wants to be a hairdresser. Remember the best thing to do is love and support him with an open heart.

Answer 14

I don't think it's a problem. My brother and sister and I played with each other's toys all the time, and at the moment, we all have a good understanding of the opposite gender, and we can interact with them better than many of our peers, but we're still all clearly either male or female. As long as he's got a good male influence in his life (and I don't mean a 'manly man' influence, but the kind that shows him things like positive attitudes towards women, etc) I wouldn't worry.

Answer 15

Let him be he is fine. You stated he does both.

My youngest daughter is 7 years old and her very best friend is a boy. He is the sweetest little boy I have ever met. He tends to like girl things a little more so big deal. He is a lot more considerate than all the other boys his age, I consider this a plus in his character not a flaw.

Answer 16

its your son...not your moms. If it doesnt bother you and the boy is happy then i dont see anything wrong.

Answer 17

Let your child be himself, or deal with his complexes when he is older.