My 8 year old step daughter?

Question

I have a step daugther, I have been with her dad since she was about 18 months old. She calls me mommy, we tried to get custody of her a couple of years ago...We lost, Texas is vary unfair when it comes to custody. When she is at our house she is very lovey, doesn't get in trouble, and crys everytime we get in the car to go back home. Once we arrive at our drop off location about 2 hours away, she loses her mind starts not listening and going crazy. THis last week she has been sent to the office about 8 times. Her mom calls my husband and wants him to be mad at her but he wont. I don't think its fair she wants us to be upset with her. Her and I don't get along never have. I don't care about her so much is I feel like my step daughter is having some emotional problems, how can I help?

Answer 1

Well it seems like you love your step daughter and she loves spending time with you so try asking her real mom if maybe you and your husband could take a small vacation to bond and maybe to explain to your step daughter what she needs to know, like the issuue like losing her mind. Take a small vacation have fun with her but also explain the things she needs to know with her behavior.

Answer 2

i think her mum might be abusing her

how old is she ?

alk to her when its only you two

and make it clear that she can trust you and try and be there for her as much as you can

if she's still like this in a month

call the social workers

but try to get proof before you call them

good luck x

Answer 3

in my honest opinion i think that you and your husband need to get that poor girl away from mom .as for the going crazy if my mom was me to me i would never want to go home either.Texas sucks and needs to figure out what the situation is if the mom is making her so depressed then that could be causing the acting up in school. its because of her deranged momther! you also might what to try taking her to a counler from the cort so they know whats really wronge im really mature for my age i bet you couldn't tell that im 12 but please take my advise.

Answer 4

your step daughter is going through so much 'Support your step daughter  be there for her it seen like  her mother is Jealous of you and her relationship. she problem talk to her Mother about  how much she  love you  as a step mother.it would nice if   you and her mother were close because she need both of you

Answer 5

Her mom is doing something to that child hire a PI

Answer 6

Wow... this sounds really tough. But I think it is great that you are reaching out for advice, because it shows that you care :)

What I would tell her monster... I mean mother :) is that when she is at home (mom's) she handles the discipline there... but when she comes to her other home you guys are not going to be "angry" at her for something that occurred when she wasn't with you guys. I can understand if something major happened and she was grounded... you could choose to stay home that weekend, but I don't think it would benefit her at all to have all of her parents upset with her. I think you are doing the right thing. Unfortunately it is hard if her mom doesn't want to be on board :)

Her mom telling her that her shoes are ugly or whatever is simply wrong. Does she verbally abuse her? My son is 9 and if I talked to him that way it would crush his self-esteem. He would be so hurt. I can't imagine not inviting any friends to his b-day party either. I think she has some emotional things going on that may be causing her to act out. Can you get her into counseling so she can talk about it?

Answer 7

it is probably just hard on her having to back & forth from parent to parent!! All kids never want to go home after visiting for a period of time! & tend to act out, I have a  5 yr old who does it after a  visit with her dad!

Answer 8

just talk to her

Answer 9

Kids need emotional support, the mother should not be that harsh to her.  I can understand discipline, but that is just a little to far.  It sounds like she might be abusing the girl, so I would talk to the daughter about it.  If she admits that her mother is beating her, call a social worker.  Actually, you might want to call a social worker anyways, becuase it sounds like this girl hates being with her mother.  Nobody would hate to go home that much for no reason.

Answer 10

sweety i hate to sound like a but hole but she is not your responsibility...thats not your daughter so any forms of discipline or anything else should be taken care of by her mom and her father....its really not your decision how she decides to punish her...the courts didnt give him custody for a reason...they obviously think that she is fine where she is...the reason why she acts like that with you guys is because her father doesnt punish her verses her mom who puts her foot down and doesnt let her get away with anything....let her parents handle it..again not trying to be mean its just the truth you are not her mom so you dont deicide on how she is punished...oh and she calls you mommy!!!! i would kill my daughters father if he allowed our child to call another woman mommy...oh no i wouldnt like you either....my dad use to make us call every woman he came across mommy..i would never have my daughter calling a  nother man daddy....how would you feel if your child was calling another woman mommy???? think about it...i pray i never have to go thru anything like this

Answer 11

Fight for custody. Thumbs up for you for being a good step- mom!

Answer 12

It sounds like you are in hard position. But you have to respect the mothers choice on how to punish her. Just help you step-daughter while you have and keep in contact with while she is away. Your husband should try for custody as soon as she is old enough to tell the court where she wants to spend the most time.

Answer 13

This is very sad. If you have already lost a custody battle, you will have to work really hard if you want to win the next one (hopefully there will be one, given your sitiuation). You need to start keeping a journal (pen and paper or computer, it doesn't matter). Write down everything having to do with this girl and her mother. When she comes to visit, write a brief synopsis, including anything she said or did that could possibly show her mother is not as fit to raise her. Do the same thing when you talk to her on the phone. Good Luck.