My 9 Year old daughter has cussed in school and just today was suspended for punching a student. What do I do?

Question

She has not had many major issues in the past. Just regular child mischief. We are not at all violent. And I am Military but just returned from deployment. She has 3 younger sisters and a new Bro/Sis on the way. I have tried explaining to her that her Choices have Consequences, but I dont think that it is hitting home. Worst of all she is only in Third grade. I really do not want to see such an awesome kid take a turn for the worse. I would really appreciate some input on how to help her get a grip.

Answer 1

I find that children will start acting out when they start playing with other children their own age or grade level. It seems they pick up attitudes and actions parents never saw before and then they use the behaviors at home and at school until someone in authority makes some attitude adjustments.

Answer 2

I am an elementary school principal, and lots of times I have discovered kids lash out in negative ways because they can't express what they are really upset about.  Sometimes they don't even know how to identify it themselves.  Maybe she is concerned about the dynamics of the house changing since you have been home.  Or maybe it is the new baby on the way.  Maybe she feels like she needs one-on-one time.  I think the conversation you need to have with her is why she got so frustrated she thought she needed to hit.  Rather than discussing that hitting is wrong or the bad language is wrong, find out the "whys" of it.  She might just be trying to figure out her place.

Answer 3

SPANKING.............  HELLO !!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Wash her mouth out with soap, for the cursing. Why did she hit the kid ? That would be my first question, depending on her answer a spanking might be in order.

Answer 5

U TELL her she has consequences, but are u GIVING her the consequence?  If not, she won't improve.  If so, u need to find a different way of punishing her.

Answer 6

She has a problem with violence and anger in order to control.

These things are inherited from parents, I had to change my char actor in order for my children to change, give up control and witchcraft (anger, threats, or non verbal communication with anger).

Next to that the only thing that will change her is to have her surrender her life to Jesus personally while you give her the words to say, and the ask Jesus to baptize her in His Holy Spirit, and once she starts speaking in tongues all her anger and control will go away.  Other wise you will only have behavioral modification and that will only work until there is a high stress level and then they will revert to what they believe works and that is control.

I had a lot of control of my char actor (I could contain my anger so it was hard to tell, but that isn't the same as giving up control) after 20 years of martial arts, but only Jesus gave me an inner change.  That is real peace and low normal blood pressure.

Answer 7

After first explaining to her why you are doing it, give her a very sound spanking.  When you are done let her know that her behavior was just not tolerable, and if she does anything like it ever again she will get the same treatment.  Make sure she understands that you do not want to punish her like that but she has left you no choice.  If she does it again give her the same punishment.  If done right she will probably never do it again once she realizes that that is the consequence for her making such bad choices.

Answer 8

I'm sorry your daughter is going through a tough time.  I would venture to guess that your recent deployment and return, as well as the new baby on the way has got at least something to do with her behavior issues.  I also believe that your daughter is angry and/or anxious about something but does not know how to or does not want to tell you what that is.  I would call her school and speak with the social worker and tell her/him what is going on.  That person would be able to talk to your daughter and maybe gain an understanding what is making your daughter so emotional.  It might be just what she needs to be able to effectively express her feelings and needs.  It would also be a resource for you, as the social worker may have materials to share with you to make this time easier for you, your daughter, and your family.

Answer 9

too bad it was not my son she punched in the face,he needs one from another child maybe h**l learn to keep his hands to himself.

anyway, i would say to spank her but im starting to think this does not work now a days i cant get my 9 year old son to abide by the rules for anything.

just talk to her and give her a warning  that if it happens again then she will be punished.  then just leave her be....

maybe the child deserved it!

Answer 10

a good old-fashioned spanking definately comes to mind.

Answer 11

Where is she learning the language and the violence from? Most kids learn this at home. You need to ask her where she learned this, it maybe you having to change things in your household.

Answer 12

Well, please don't spank her. I don't believe in spankings, it gets you NO WHERE.

Ground her for two weeks. One for swearing and one for punching a kid.

But also talk to her calmly about it. It may be possible she is jealous by the younger siblings and wanted to attention. Spend more time with her, but make sure she understands what she did was wrong.

After she's done being grounded, take her out to eat or to a cafe or treat her to a special day where you go shopping or do something she likes. Do this as often as you can, maybe once a month.

I am a Dad of 7 kids and my wife is expecting our 8th, and we try to do that with our kids as much as we can. It's tough, but we do it.

Also, let her know you will always love her.

Good luck!

Answer 13

Maybe she's looking for attention, you just got home, so she probably wants you to make her a priority.

It's also hard to stand out when you have three little sisters.

I think that you should plan a mommy/daughter day with her. Go out to lunch, get your nails done, and show her how a lady acts.

Spanking her is not a way to teach her to be non-violent.

Answer 14

whip her! i dont care about all this spanking is child abuse cause its not as long as its not out of anger and no more than 2 licks! and watch what is goin on at  home, if she is hearin cussin, seein hittin, then thats what she will do outside the home! take stuff away from her as punishment! like no phone for a week, or tv or something that she enjoys!