My 9 year old son doesnt want to go to school. What do I do?

Question

I have had conferences with the principal and teacher. They dont think anything is wrong cause when he's at school he's fine. They have no disiplinary problems at school. He just doesnt want to get up and go to school in the morning. It has gotten to the point I have to drag him out of the house, in his pjs, and into the car and into the school. Please help!

Answer 1

Hi!

Well, I want to be honest with you, I understand your son, I totally HATE to get up in the morning. But the point is, we have to do it. Why don't you just try to make it easier for him? Wake him up a little earlier, so that he can stay in bed for a few minutes until he needs to get up? Or tell him that big boys sometimes need to do things they don't want to do. You know what I mean, make him proud of himself when he gets up. Turn on his favorite music when it's time to get up. Have a calm breakfast with stuff that he likes and say "Mommy has prepared anything for a nice breakfast,don't you want to come and check it out?"

Good luck with your son

Becky

Answer 2

Most kids don't like school.  I know children who are extremely involved in the school, make straight A's, but they don't want to go to school.  Why would they?  They would prefer to play.  It's normal.  If it is really a burden, toss cold water on him to wake him up, and drag him to school in whatever he is wearing.  Let him know, if he doesn't get his school clothes on, breakfast and his hygiene completed before he has to go to school, then he goes as is.  Don't make empty threats either.  Take him to shool in his pjs if that is what it takes.  Going to school hungry might change his perspective.

The teacher shouldn't have made that comment, but it is time to realize that teachers won't always be nice.  If i was you, the principal saying no wouldn't be enough.  I would hold a conference with her and the superintendent.  If that didn't work i would keep moving up.

Answer 3

Start treating him like a kid.

Wake him up dress him and take him to school.

Pick him up from school and ground him until he starts doing what he is suppose to do.

Answer 4

Can you set up a time with the teacher to discuss what he has mentioned to you, to see if there is something that you two can come up with together to "solve" or "fix" that he doesn't like his teacher. I suppose first, talk with your some more, and find out if there are more specifics about what he doesn't like about the teacher, that way you can address those things. Just make sure to approach the teacher in a manner of wanting to resolve issues to better your son, which in turn will better her class as a whole. Definitely don't approach her as if you are accusing her of causing issues. Then maybe after this meeting, if it seems like it would help, have another one...including your son so that maybe these issues can be talked out, and explained if there has been a misunderstanding. If the teacher saying he didn;t want to be there is the problem...then wasn't there a problem prior to that for him to not want to be there? I don't get that, but it sounds like you may have a bit more investigating to do.

Answer 5

Children with school refusal are scared to go to school. They may be so scared that they won't leave the house. School refusal is most common in 5- and 6-year-olds and in 10- and 11-year-olds, but it can start at any age.

The problem might start after a child has been home for awhile, such as after a holiday, summer vacation, or brief illness. It also might happen after a stressful event, such as moving to a new house or the death of a pet or relative.



Children who won't go to school often say they feel sick. They might wake up and say they have a headache, stomachache, or sore throat. If they stay home from school, the "illness" might go away, but it comes back the next morning before school. Some children may have crying spells or temper tantrums.

School refusal

The child is unreasonably scared of going to school.

The child might pretend to be sick or say he or she doesn't want to go to school.

The child usually wants to stay home because he or she feels safe there.

Truancy

The child chooses not to go to school.

The child skips school and doesn't tell his or her parents.

The child may have antisocial behaviors such as delinquency, lying, and stealing.

Answer 6

Make him go. Kids are kids, try and ask him y he doesnt want to go.

Answer 7

if the school wont help you with the problem concerning your child's distress with the teacher try the district. schools are underpaid and over worked but that is no excuse for them to shrug it off.

as for your son, make deals with him...if he goes and does good for the week he gets to have an extra hour of TV or a play day at the park, if punishment doesn't work or yelling or begging, try behavioral rewards and consequences. my son is adhd and i had lots of problems with schools. but the behavior modification with rewards and consequences helps alot.

Answer 8

earlier bed time

hes 9 he has no say in this unless you want to go to jail. and you can if he is missing school. he needs to go on saturdays too or he will fail and have the risk of dealing with this teacher again

you also need to teach your son that there will always be someone in your life at work school and everywhere else that he wont like and get a long with. he needs to learn to build a bridge and get over it and do what he needs to do to pass his grade and move on to middle school

you need to stop allowing this to go on make him get over ityour the parent act like it

Answer 9

I have the same problem with my daughter and she is only 5.  They are already planning to hold her back in Kindergarten again.  She has problems concentrating in class.  I am considering moving into a new school district for next year too.  The teacher keeps contradicting herself.  She says she is doing good.  Then I go to the school for a meeting and she tells me all kinds of bad stuff.  There is something going on with your sons school.  Keep on their butts and get to the bottom of it.  Good Luck.

Answer 10

Have you considered Home Schooling?  I know that it would have been the perfect option for me.

Answer 11

That was a horrible thing for the Teacher to do! I would be furiouse, as I am sure you are.

I would contact the School Board and ask them to please talk with the Principal of your sons school about a move to another classroom. You cannot afford for your son to fail or be held back because of what this teacher has obviously done to his self esteem.

In the meantime,  I would call the principal again and ask for a meeting with the Teacher to discuss what He/She can do to rectify the situation in the classroom. Perhaps a new announcement or an apology in front of the class from the Teacher would help the situation. You might also want to consider a meeting with the school counselor, they might have some suggestions of how to help raise his self-esteem.

Also I am sure you already know this but 9 year olds require alot of sleep so it is not unusual for them to be sleepy in the mornings, perhaps an earlier bedtime could help ya'll out alittle with that. My rule for my kids is if they are hard to wake up in the morning I move there bedtimes back 30 minutes the next night and keep doing that until they are easier to get up.

Answer 12

While the teacher and principal may not have a clue, perhaps there is a situation with other students that hasn't become apparent yet.

Try having a discussion with him - not a head-butting session, but a serious discussion.  Tell him you're concerned about his reluctance to go and want to know if there is a serious reason that makes him feel this way.

If his reluctance is simply that he doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning, explain that noncooperation will result in unpleasant consequences henceforth.  Then be prepared to take away privileges until he decides to make your mornings a little easier.

If you can determine a real problem, then you can work at solving it with him and if necessary his teacher and or principal.

Answer 13

very simple, home school!

Answer 14

maybe he needs more sleep?  Are you sure there is nothing going on that the priniple does not know about?  He may be getting picked on and no one there knows about it?

Answer 15

I was like that when I was that age. Eventually I got used to going to school every morning. He's just going through some stage.

Answer 16

Is he going to bed early enough? It sounds like hes just tired or lazy in the morning.  No one likes getting up early but if you said he doesn't have any behavior problems at school it sounds like he needs to go to bed earlier.  Or maybe it could be a bad diet thats making him so tired.

****edit

ok after reading what you added, I would talk to the principal again.  Tell her its UNACCEPTABLE for the teacher to be making comments about your son in front of the entire class.  When you're that age that is extremely embarrasing.  Obviously he no longer feels comfortable with this teacher and it is affecting him getting a good education.  Tell the principal you DEMAND he get another teacher or that you will simply have to go over her/his head!

Answer 17

I was like that, but my mom and dad made me go whether I wanted to or not. Find out why he doesn't want to go to school, there has to be a reason why so I would sit down and have a talk with him. There could be an underlying problem that the teacher and principles do not know about. Maybe he is getting picked on behind and the nobody knows about it or just that he hates school. Your best bet is to get down to the source by having a good talk with him.

Answer 18

We went through this with my son's kindergarten teacher.  

I would 1st look into any options for another school.  This school will not work with you.  Look for charter school in your area, private schools {I get the cost, really, but it would probably be only for a few months till school ends for this year.

Or you can tell them, that you will make sure he gets to school on Saturday {I realize this will be touch, but see if this works} if they move him to a different classroom.  Tell them his problem is the teacher, not the subject.  

Or you could {if money permits} go to a for prophet learning center -- like Sylvin or Huntington Learning Centers.  This is pricey, but it usually really helps.  Good Luck.

Answer 19

actully, most children are like that. it isnt a condition or anything, so please dont blame it on that. even if you homeschooled, he should still have to get up at a reasonable time."school refusal" is some disoder they will come up with in a few decades, school refusal syndrome, just like adhd and those bs excuses.  let him learn from his mistakes. if he went to bed a 9 pm every night, he would get enuff sleep. if he doesnt go to bed when you tell him to, take away the tv, ect. and give him a small reward for getting up in the morning. if he absoulutly refuses, tell him if hes that tired he can take a nap after school.