My 9 year old was caught at school playing an inappropriate touching "game".?

Question

My husband and I talked with the counselor at school as she explained that exploring among children is natural, even among same-s*x children. We spoke with our daughter about the importance of respecting others' body, feelings, and property and why this is NOT to be continued. She engaged my friend's five year old daughter into kissing and talking in a sexual way. I am now angry with her for placing another child in danger of the effects of sexual abuse. The counselor believes my girl didn't start the game, but since she is passing this on to other children, I am seeking help for her. Any advice otherwise?

Answer 1

I would take her to a counselor to seek out if she has been sexually abused. Most children that act out sexually like that have been abused, and if she has, then you are going to want to get her counseling, so she won't continue to do this to other children. Don't be mad at her, she doesnt' know that what she did was wrong, if she is just repeating what was done to her.

I hope that this helps

Answer 2

Homeschool

Answer 3

just seek advice on this

Answer 4

You have responded and treated this the right way. I suggest you put it on the back burner but keep an eye out ( as ever parent should ) that this is a one time event only and doesn't happen again. Your daughter is at the age of being curious. Just relax, enjoy her, but keep an eye out for anything in the future.

( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. Grade Teacher )

Answer 5

Its quite a simple problem, and a common one too. Just tell her that what she did was wrong for someone hr age, and ask her why she wanted to do it etc. Let her know you dont respect her any less because of it or it could get worse. Also, if she really is curious about it, talk to her about it. If she did it because of feelings she gets just  tell her its a natural part of growing up to be curious about thease things, and talk to her about it. Hiding the whole man-woman thing is just asking for trouble, if they cant ask you what they are then of course they will try to explore it in other ways. Only see a counciller if after talking about it with her you feel it APSOLUTELY neccessary as sending children to the councillors is basicly telling them there is somehting wrong in their head and that is not good for someone her age.

Answer 6

Thank you for reminding me why I homeschool.

Answer 7

I would tell her never to talk about inappropite things with other kids. She should keep that stuff to herself. ALso maybe ground her if you want. I hope this helped!

-Tara

Answer 8

omg k ur exaggerating....jus b-cuz ur daughter has been playin a game doesnt mean she is mental or needs help..i mean im 13 n iv played many "touching" games n dat doesnt mean dat im mental!its tha ppl at skool dat infulence her in doin stuff lyk dat. if u take her 2  a doc or a counseler u r RELLY exaggerating!

Answer 9

Tell her that's a nasty way to be, and show her pictures of some grown up s*x offenders that are in jail. That'll scare it out of her if it continues. And say that no one wants to be friends with someone that's nasty like that.

Answer 10

The poster above who stated about examining the potential that your daughter herself was abused is an excellent one.  While sexual exploration is normal and natural, it's a little worrisome that the other child was significantly younger. If it was the younger child who started the game, then she should also have some counselling. It may be that *she* is soliciting this kind of sexual play from older children as she may have been abused by a babysitter, etc. It is a big red flag that needs addressing at the very least.

Exploration is normal and natural, but there are limits as well, and the context of the event should be examined. Was it normal curiousity or something that showed warning lights?

It's hard, but don't be angry with your daughter. Remember at 9, they don't really have a feel for the consequences of things that they really don't understand (ie. s*x). Just know that you are right in nipping it in the bud, encouraging healthy sexuality, and allowing her to come to you with questions and concerns by remaining open and empathetic.

Answer 11

I worked in a daycare and we had to do a work shop about it because kids in the Kindergarden program were doing this. The lady that gave the work shop said the same thing that the counselor at your daughter's school told you, its natural. You did and are still doing the correct thing. She is a normal 9 year old child even if it does not seam right.

Good Luck!

Answer 12

what caused your daughter to be like this i don't know your should try seek counseling

Answer 13

Does you daughter have any other siblings, if not she more than likely is very curious to what others have or dont have per say.

As far as talking in a sexual way, she had to hear or see it somewhere. Does she have her own TV, if so block some channels on it or take it away completely.

I have a 8 yr old son. We have spoken about "Private Parts" and no one is to look or touch there except Mom and Dad to help him in the bathroom. We have quized him on this topic since he was about 3-4 yrs of age.

If i were in this situation, i would sit your daughter down and get a doll (Example) and go over all the "Privates" and just go over again that this is our body and it is special and we do not do this.

Another idea would be to go to your local library, there are all kinds of Videos regarding this topic to help you out.

Good luck to you

Answer 14

I think you should start asking her where she learned that kind of talk? is she seeing things when she's not in your care that she is experimenting with? It's so hard with kids to protect them from every single thing, you can do your best, and hope all is well. Just talk to her, don't scold her, she hopefully doesn't realize the severity of her actions.... good luck ♥

Answer 15

Yea!  Common sense here tells me that your child has been exposed to friends or a person that has been abused or is an abuser.   Beware here, your counselor is dead wrong--- this is a very red flag to strictly be aware of who your child is hanging out with, which kids said what to your child, and be aware of where your kid is at all times. I suggest having kids over and observing or ask another kid whats happening? Investigate first, don't blame the kid--research which family this all is eminating from, because their kid is acting out and your kid is being indoctrinated.  I'd be on the playground, asking kids and neighborhood other moms what they know because some moms are very up on this stuff. Also ask an older kid what they know.  This is paramount your childs whole growing years by the way--you need to realize and not be trustful of other kids or families till you get the scoop on them. I could give you a million examples.

Answer 16

The most important thing to do is communicate with your daughter. She may have seen an innappropriate program on tv, or heard something on the radio or even heard or seen someone else touch someone in a sexual way. Children at that age are very observant and curious, so they may see someone else doing something and actually copy it thinking that its ok to do so. There is a theorist called 'Bandura' who theorised that children learn through observations and powerful mentors such as a teacher, an actor on tv, powerful people and especially their parents. So my source is based on that idea. So speak to your child and ask her is she was influenced in any way, or is she saw something. Reassure that she wont be in trouble to say, because it seems likly to me that she must have heard it from somewhere. A child just doesnt get up and know these things. What ever you do, do not be angry at her, as speaking with patience and listening with support is the only way she will tell you how she felt and why she did it.

Answer 17

First of all don't be angry at her she is just a Kid

If you already talked to her wait to see the results

She can learn!

Ask her where does she learned all that sexual language you said she tough the other girl you never know if someone is influencing in her conduct!

Im not a psychologist or a doctor or anything but if the actions persist you should definetly go see one!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 18

if she continues to do that in defiance of what you told her to do give her a sound spanking and she will stop.

Answer 19

Just try not to make her feel ashamed about sexuality. This could have bad effects later, when it is appropriate for her to begin to explore her own sexuality.

It is okay to teach her what's right and wrong in our society, but try to let her know that it's okay to be curious, but it's not okay to behave that way right now.

Answer 20

That is somewhat similar that happened to my daughter but the person was a grown man I still want to beat is butt, and i don't care that he is in jail. But seek help with a sexual abuse counselor don't be mad. Something may have happened to her that she didn't tell you about look for the signs talk to her doctor and go to the OBGYN just in case. Children may handle things differently than we as adults do.

Answer 21

this is a hard one maybe you should seek orofessinal help.

Answer 22

Mrs. Mom of The 4th Grader, I don't know how you take care of your daughter, I don't know how you and your husband decide your family rules, but Madam have you seen what your daughter have been watching on TV or if she uses the computer? Are you aware of the people that surrounds your family particularly your daughter? Or places  where she has been or been going to? If so, maybe by analyzing any of these you can find an answer.

My advice for you, Madam is that you should try to investigate for a little. Try asking her a few questions about where she might have been,what she has been watching on TV, about her friends and other people. Try to ask her where she learned that act.You may also interrogate her friends, particularly that one she had played that "game" with and anyone you suspect could provide maybe a few details. You and you daughter may also have a private conversation and its very wise that you tell her not to do that again since children of her age are still obedient somehow.

This could be a negative effect of media, particularly the TV where many bad materials do come from. You should control and monitor what she watches on TV. You must also keep an eye on your daughter. You may also fix  possible flaws in your home rules and schedule.Maybe a more strict policy can give a solution.

Answer 23

Explain to her that this is wrong and should not be done. You could get hurt in the future.