My 9 yr. old daughter is very insecure, how can I encourage her to be a leader and not a follower?

Question

I would like my daughter to learn that friends are great to have, but you also need to learn to stand on your own and make your own decisions. How do I encourage her to do what she wants and set trends, etc. rather than follow them. She is so timid. I don't want to push her...just encourage some originality or help her find something to give her more confidence in her self and her own decision making.

Answer 1

She may not BE a leader.  She might just BE a follower.  She has her own individual personallity and just because YOU may not like it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her.  As she gets older and a little more expierenced in life she will gain confidence.

Answer 2

You need to sit down and have a talk with her about everything. Ask her questions and  then tell her the right answers and why. My parent's had to do that to me when  I was little. Now I'm already planning on what I want to do in live and to reach my goals, I'm a very independant person. She should be too! =]

Answer 3

Try to help her find something she can do very well.....whether it be a sport, art, music, dancing, gymnastics, or whatever.  Every child has their own special talent.  If you can help her find hers, and encourage her to participate fully, she will begin to develop confidence.

Speaking for my own daughter, who was also very timid when she was younger, I enrolled her in a martial arts class.  She had watched her older sister train in martial arts, and was comfortable with the instructors because she knew them.   Seven years later, she is now in training for her second degree black belt, and she is a very strong and confident young lady!

Answer 4

Do what all good leaders do...

Play up the strengths.

You don't have to be vocal or opinionated necessarily.

Keep in mind - there are all kinds of leaders. And what makes a good leader is someone who is confident in their ability to please themself and is confident in their strengths and what they believe in. Someone that uses their strengths to undermine their weaknesses and come out on top.

First you need to identify the strengths and build that foundation of confidence. From there the possibilities are endless. She also needs to learn to accept that she will mess up sometimes, but be confident enough to pull herself up and keep going. It's never an easy ride all the way.

Answer 5

What is wrong with being a follower? Less responsibility!

Answer 6

talk with her.  leaders are generally born that way.  encourage her to join clubs, invite friends to the home, and volunteer.  NEVER criticize her and teach her positive communication skills.

Answer 7

All you can do is just keep building up her self-esteem.

There's no way you can make her go from being the most timid child into the class to running for class president! Maybe she just doesn't like getting a lot of extra attention.

And remember, she's beginning to enter that age where hormones start taking over yourself, so factor that in too :)

Answer 8

If you teach a child how to follow, they learn how to lead.

Answer 9

Talk to her about what she likes to do or wants to try [hobbies] and encourage that.  For example my son wanted to do karate but he said some peers told him it was for nerds and I signed him up anyway and encouraged him and turns out he liked it, his confidence shot up and he knows not to follow or believe what other people say.

Answer 10

Tell her your proud of her! and that to keep doing good in school. and tell her she looks beautiful. why not buy her some lipgloss? they have little girl lipglosses that my mom bought me when i was 9 & 10..i loved them! or maybe do her hair cute...and you should start acting like a leader & a strong person..and maybe she'll see it & do the same. or maybe have all of her friends over & have  a sleep over...play dress up..play games, do eachothers hair & make up...fun stuff with her friends..maybe that will help her be not so timid and give her confidence too? :] teach her how to put her self together little by little..so that when shes old enough to do stuff older girls do like hair, a little make up, etc...she will know how & she'll be good at it & look beautiful! and when shes old enough...like when you start seeing signs of her growing up & maturing...you should make her a growing up girl kit/period kit..i wish my mom had..it would of been so exciting!

watch this video...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=f0YW-YHA6v0

:)

Answer 11

I think you need to make her independent I know your thinking how do you make her independent but have her start doing her own laundry or washing dishes and praise her when she does. This will teach her how to be independent and not depend on you. When children learn independce they become leaders they like to take over doing things they dont want it done for them I was using laundry and dishes as an example. You can tell her stories of women that were leaders, and maybe do some crafts about being a leader. Let her know a leader is someone people look up to and want to be like and explain a leader is better. I think the best area for this is to teach independence and praise her when she does great b/c she is going to want to take over other areas and will get a feeling of achievment. Confidence comes from praise if you praise a child they feel great and their the best espcially when it comes from a mom and dad usually little girls look up to their moms and boys look up to dads so you are her role model right now. Just let her know you are the leader and show her how a leader does things.

Answer 12

a buddy would be good. like a high school girl or junior high ?