My BF's daughter pees in the bed excessively and lies constantly!?

Question

I am helping my BF raise his 6 year old little girl -her mother has not been in her life since she was about 2...I have a 14 year old...that I was very fortunate with...never had these types of problems AT ALL! But the 6 year old lies ALL THE TIME! She also pees in the bed excessively...we cut her drinking off at 7pm...we wake her up at 11pm to go potty...we dont belittle her..we talk to her...she even goes to the point of hiding her underwear..so there was like 10 pair of dirty undies in her room..she is on adderall because of the behavior in school...I can be talking to her and she is like huh what did you say...or she just shrugs her shoulders...I try to give her attention...when I can....my 14 year old watches her after school till i get home..and she refuses to listen to her...I dont know what to do!! I love her..and I want her to know I am not going anywhere..which I have been doing good in talking to her and loving on her...but she lies to me anyway.

Answer 1

The bedwetting is usually because of emotional problems or because a child just doesn't produce the hormones she needs to control it.  So I would bring this to the pediatrician's attention.  They can give medication for it and also give her the Good Night little shorts to wear so it is not embarassing for her.  My eldest still has a bedwetting problem and we have given her a stash of plastic bags in her room so she can put her Good night/pullup in it as soon as she gets up and can bring it to the garbag without it being obvious.  This saves a lot of embarassment about the situation.  Not letting them drink past a certain time or getting them back up just doesnt' work.  That's a proven fact.  Either a child can or can't control it.

From the sounds of it it also may be because of emotional problems. I would really suggest getting her some therapy and making sure she gets a lot of individualized attention to help her deal with her life situation.  They lying may be for attention so you may be best off trying to ignore it in this situation, even though that is not what I usually suggest, this situation would warrant ignoring it and every time she does tell the truth make sure she is rewarded "over-the-top".

Good luck!

Answer 2

I would take her to a psychologist.  She's been traumatized from her mother abandoning her and I'm sure that's why all of this is happening.

Answer 3

I think that you and the father definitely need to speak to some professionals about this. She could have physical or pyschological issues, which are causing the bed wetting and behavior. Good luck!

Also, the fact that you're not married, may make it seem like you're a temporary or unstable figure in her life. That would be hard to cope with for a little girl who needs a Mommie. She's craving stability. (Just a thought)

Answer 4

She is probably really embrassed that she is still wetting in the bed at the age of six. The best thing you can do for that is buy Good Nights (In the diaper aisle at walmart). They are like pullups for older kids.  But they don't look babyish. It will save your mattress and your sanity.

Also you should talk to her pediatrician about the attention problem and the bed wetting problem.  Let him/her know what a big problem this is causing and they should give you some alternatives to help.

One last thing.... I have 2 girls and I couldn't imagine not being in their lives. Myself and my husband mean the WHOLE world to them. So it is probably very hard for her not having her real mom around.  She may need to speak to a therapist or maybe the guidance counselor at school. I hope this helps....

Answer 5

First, when you see her next spank her bare bottom so that she'll feel bad for doing something that she shouldn't. Then when she gets home from school make her wear nothing but a diaper unless she wants to play outside then nothing at all, and make her wet and p**p herself, and let her stay that way for 2-3 hours, and then change her, and tell her she'll stay that way untill she does what she's suppose to.

Answer 6

try therapy, if nothing else you should gain some insight on whats going on beyond the acting out. this stuff is almost always the result of an emotional trama or what have you.  it definately sounds like you're trying your best and good for you but if conventional things aren't working maybe it's time to get professional help? it can't really hurt anything and though this stuff can be a normal phase for a child to go though it sounds like the lieing is becoming a big part of her personality- def want that corrected before she gets much older. but nothing too serious here... i'm sure plenty of 6 year olds from a variety of family arrangements present the same challenges. best of luck!

Answer 7

When I was very little I used to get embarassed hide my knickers but it never lasted long :P In the end I just put them in a washing basket in my room. So what I can suggest is to put a laundry basket, they can come in many different colours, in her room. Also you need to take her to the doctors as she may have not developed the muscles which hold the pee in and control when you pee. For now put her in some pyjama diapers and hope for the best!

Answer 8

Has it not occurredtoeither of you that she needs professional help?

We would, too, in her situation:  "abandoned" by mother, being partially raised by an "un-stepmother" (only word I can think of to describe your relationshp to her).

You all need Big Time help.  I suspect her basic problem is severe insecurity and possibly attachment disorder.