My Best Friends 7 year old son told her he was molested by another 7 year old and his father?

Question

She came to me today to talk to me about this as I have a 7 year old son also. My friends son came out of his room with a pen stuck in his bottom. When she confronted him he told her that his playmate and his playmates father had been doing this to him and would not be his friend if he did not comply. I told my friend to notify the authorities. My concern is my own 7 year old son. She is wanting to bring her son over to play with my son. I am scared that her son will somehow teach my son bad things. How can I talk to my 7 year old son and warn him or what can I say to him to help protect himself. I am scared to let her bring her child over but I feel so sorry for this child as he already has a messed up life before this happened. I dont know how to go about talking to my son about this. any ideas????

Answer 1

honestly i would try to cut off the friendship although way easier said than done!! bring it up with your son in a none scary manner tell him how precious his body is and no one should ever touch him or make him feel uncomfortable. remember to tell him he can talk to you about anything if her son does come over i would definitly supervise as much as possible molestaion repeats itself and ruins kids. My friends brother was molested at 5 and by the time he was 8 he molested like 8 other kids boys and girls its so sad cause after such a bad thing happens there consumed by it and cant have a normal life he would even pray and ask god to help him not think badly about body parts :( its such a sad thing. because all those boys/girls might also repeat history because a switch went off in them that cant be switched off.

Answer 2

Maybe you can stay in the same rom as the kids when they are playing. Keep the play date short , and give them pre-planned activities to do. I wouldn't bring it up to your child. He is still innocent from that type of behavior and telling him some things about it may open unneeded doors. I would also advise the friend that your child can not be alone with her son until he has gone thru counseling because although it's not his fault may tell ur son something inappropriate. If your friend doesn't go to the authorities you can do it as an unidentified tipper.

Answer 3

First of all, kudos to you for being concerned.  I would be upset too to have my 7 year old confronted with this scenario.  first I would make sure the friend of yours had this reported to the authorities immediately.  then and only then would I proceed to let your two kids get together because if she irresponsible enough not to care enough to protect her son, she won't be concerned for yours.  then you have to talk to your son BEFORE they play and tell him, if he even tries to look, touch, talk about private parts to come to you immediately and tell you.  you have to be confident your son will come to you before I would even consider letting these two to get together and play, the other thing you must do is to supervise them very well, don't let a door be closed between you and the kids........don't give an opportunity for it to happen.....make sure YOU are the one watching.........not your friend.....this involves YOUR son that is where your loyalties lie.  As for helping this poor child........he will need counseling to recover from the trauma  he endured.  be the advocated for the children, if she doesn't report  it to children'sl services you do it.......this creep must be stopped before he preys on someone else's kids....

Answer 4

you dont need to, simply do not let the kids play unatended

for both kids sake, this obviously affected that kid to the stage where he is hurting himself as well, hence he shouldnt be let to play unatended even by himself for length of time

other then that you probably should tell your kid that there are bad people in this world, and to never go somewhere with strangers, or let anyone do something to them they dont want to, and if someone try that he have to come tell you and you will tell the police togheter, also tell him that such people lie and may tell him they will hurt you but this is not true because the police wont let them, and you know a secret super tricks that mean the bad people cant hurt you ...which is why he need to tell you.

Basicaly you need to counter for any and all moves such people may have, and really never let your kid go to someones home you dont know.

Answer 5

Call police.

Second, talk to your son about private person places. Make sure he knows it is never ok for someone (who is not his doctor) to touch or look at his personal parts.

My daughter is 3 and she knows that mommy washes her girl parts and it is ok for mommy or daddy to get her dressed and undressed. But she also knows that it is not ok for anyone else to undress her or see/touch her girl parts.

We must teach our children what is right and wrong for thier safty and protection. If we do not teach them how will they know???  

Answer 6

http://www.slideshare.net/malpani/protec...

Answer 7

Im sorry about what has happened to your friends son. That child has been sexually assulted, and your friend can press charges on that boys father.

You are right to want to protect your son though. Your son is old enough to have a conversation with him about appropriate and inappropriate touching. Sit him down and explain to him that there are areas on our body that are private- use correct terminology. Nobody has the right to touch us in our private area, or make us touch them in a private area. If this happens he must say NO! and run away and tell an adult- mum or dad, grandparents, a teacher etc.

He needs to be educated about this to be kept safe from everyone- not just in relation to what is happening with your friends son. I think if he understands what you are saying from the talk, then there is no reason why he shouldnt play with that little boy. Keep an eye on hem anyway, just to be sure.  

Answer 8

her kid needs counseling!

and you need to tell your son if he does anything inappropriate to tell on him... also keep an eye on them... or take them to a park where he can't do anything wrong...

Answer 9

start by opening up a friendly conversation about safety with your son. then, when you get near this subject, make clear that its important to know that he owns his body and no one else has the right to effect it in an uncomfortable way. also, tell him of some recognizable actions that mean that the other person is taking advantage of his body. tell him that he has the right to set boundaries...maybe tell him of a story of when this happened to a child and how their rightful reaction got them out of it. so when your son is aware of this, you wont have to worry of him being harmed when facedthiss situation. also, tell him that kids who go through this have a hard time recovering and sometimes say or do awkward things that are wrong. that way, any bad things that your friends child has to offer wont rub off on your son.

Answer 10

Oh my word! As hard as it is, you might want to confront this woman and let her know what happened. Easier said than done I know, but the #1 rule in recognizing child abuse is KIDS DON'T LIE about that stuff!! When the boy does come over, suggest that they play outside of your son's room and somewhere where you can keep an eye on them or at least listen to what's going on. And good on your friend for reporting it!!!!  

Answer 11

You need to honest.  Since you know of the situation you as an adult are responsible to report it.

Answer 12

you are supposedly a mother and have a kid the same age that plays with these boys? right! you didn't call the cops. if you aint part of the solution, your part of the problem! report them . all of them, and keep your kid in sight 'til you know what's going on.

Answer 13

If your friend doesn't contact the authorities, you HAVE to, please.  I wouldn't punish the little boy nor your son and not let them play together.  I would tell your son before his playmate comes over that if his friend does anything that makes him feel funny or does something that he's never seen before to come and tell you right away.  I think more importantly you're going to need to keep a good eye on them.  Most importantly though, get that little boy help, please.

Answer 14

call the police that is very serious

Answer 15

just tell your son if he tries any q***r $hit to **** him up also to follow up on what that other guy said, if anybody goes to jail for molesting children, prisoners have their own code and they will not hesitate to kill them just to let you know.

Answer 16

As the mother of a child who has been molested, please don't punish the other child for something that definately was NOT his fault!  He didn't ask them to do that, and he may not have known it was wrong.

Now, onto protecting your own son.  I understand this so much.  You need to have a talk with your son.  We found out about my son's incident two days after having a talk with him.  We basically told him that nobody can touch his private parts but the doctor, and mommy and daddy.  He will understand this!  My son was only three, and two days later he told us what happened.  He didn't understand why he had to tell us, he just knew that if somebody touched him there, he needed to tell mommy or daddy.  Be very cautious though, you don't want to scare him, and don't single out the other boy by saying something like "if 'boy' touches you, tell mommy or daddy"  Tell him if ANYBODY touches him there.  Also, don't let them play unsupervised.  I keep an eye on my son when he has friends over, just to be on the safe side.  

As far as the other child, if I were you, I would call the authorities myself to be certain it is done.  And recommend to your friend to take her son to the hospital ER, they will need to do an evaluation, and they know how to take a report for the police.  That way there is something on record, and they can examine to make sure there is no damage.  She also needs to get him in councelling.  With my son, it was a family member, and he was very confused about why he couldn't see said family member anymore.

Best of luck to you!  If you have any questions, feel free to email me.

Answer 17

My son is 5 years, and I have a 2 year old daughter also.  I make it clear to them that certain areas are their "private parts", and that nobody is supposed to touch them. It is a shame that we have to teach are children this but there are some sick people in this world.  

Answer 18

Just explain to your son that no one is allowed to touch his private parts and that no one is allowed to put anything in his but or any other place for that matter and if any one tries to then to go and tell you.  If you don't want some one to go to your house then trust your judgement and don't let them your first priority is your child.

Answer 19

Either this is a joke or you are a complete f***ing r****d.  

Would you post a question to ask what to do if your house was burning down?  Then sit by the computer and wait? call the cops, get it on record

Answer 20

I have spent my daughters entire life preparing her for something like this. First of all, I have always been honest with her about her questions regarding s*x and where babies come from. We got books from the library. Also, she had a friend ( we will call X)  who's dad sexually abused her when she was in kindergarten. I took her aside and explained that X's father had touched X in her private areas. ( you might need to explain which area's are private if you haven't already) I also told her that the daddy was wrong and bad to do that but it was not her friends fault. I told her that her friend might talk to her about it and she should not be shocked but to tell her it wasn't her fault. (She reacted with shock when I told her about it and I said "That's why I am telling you now so you can get that surprised look out of the way. Sometimes the child thinks it is their fault and we don't want her to think it was her fault because it wasn't." )

You can then go on to explain that his friend might be a little confused about what things are ok to do. Tell him that if his friend wants him to do something he is not comfortable with, not to do it and to come tell you.  Especially tell him that if someone touches his private area's that he should come tell you no matter what the other person says. Sometimes people who do bad things like that will tell you that you will get in trouble if you tell, but that is not true. They just don't want to get into trouble.

Then ask him  if he has questions and answer them as honestly as you can. (Remembering that this child was not at fault and this is just something bad that happened to him) 7 year olds are much smarter and able to handle much more than many people give them credit for.

EDIT: You need to make sure that this other person contacts the police about this. They can help her get counseling for her son so that he doesn't have serious trauma when he is older. The more time that elapses, the less likely the person who did this is going to pay. By showing her son that she is contacting the authorities and taking this seriously, he sees that his mother is willing to protect him and stand up for him. This is important after a betrayal of trust like his friends dad did to him. He needs to know that his mom will take action and protect him.

Answer 21

Well you should already be teaching your child to come and tell you immediately if someone touches them in certain places.  You should've been teaching him that at least since he started going to school if not before.  Just show him which areas he should not let other people touch and tell him if anyone....adult or another child touches him there he needs to run away and tell you immediately.  As far as playing with your friends child maybe for the next few weeks make them play in the yard or family area and keep an eye on them.  If nothing comes up you'll probably be fine.  It doesn't sound like the child liked what his friend and friends father did to him so he probably won't do it to someone else since he didn't like it when it was done to him.  Also since this is a close friend of yours you could ask her if she's talked to her son and explained that that behavior is not appropriate and should not have been done to him and he shouldn't do it to someone else.  Make sure your friend notifies the cops or social services.  As a security measure you should wait a couple days and then call social services and inform them of what your friends told you.  Just say that you wanted to be sure it had been reported.

Answer 22

If you're that worried, it's perfectly fine to not let him play with this boy. Or maybe just don't let them play unsupervised.

Answer 23

Just calmy educate him on to say "no" to when someone touches him in a place he doesnt want to be touched. Inform him he has a right not to be touched there and its against the law for anyone to force him to comply.

Tell him to never be afraid to tell you if something like that happened.

Good luck and God bless...