My Bf Doesn't Want Marriage.?

Question

I love my bf, and want to marry him. He's really nice, but he doesn't want marriage. He keeps coming back to me after breakups. Says he doesn't want to marry me because I am in severe debt only $800K, and plus I have a kid.

If he truly loved me, wouldn't he want to marry me and overlook all the mess????

Answer 1

Dito!! 800K?  Can you blame him?

Answer 2

800K!!!! lol

oh man you should get another job and stop planning a wedding that is clearly not (and thankfully no because a wedding will add a couple more k's to that) happening

just a thought, use it, don't use it ....

EDIT - WORK 2 JOBS!!!

Answer 3

Holy c**p, woman.  

It's not the NUMBER that's keeping him from marrying you.  It's the INCREADABLE ammount of irresponcibility you show by getting yourself $800,000.00 in debt!!  

Let me write that number out: Eight HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars.

Let me explain just a tiny bit further.  Debt means that you had an obligation to someone.  Some company lent you money and trusted you to pay it back.  You stomped on that trust, took the money and ran.  You probably have no plans to pay them back at this point.  I wouldn't marry into that either!  "What's to stop you from doing the same to me!", may be the thought running through his head.  "If she can't handle her money, or her obligation to other people, how will she learn NOW to run a household budget?".  

Love is nice and all, but in the end, money is what will win over love.  I don't blame your boyfriend.  When you get married and bring that kind of debt tothe table, he won't be able to get anything (like a home loan, etc) either.  If you guys also are frequently breaking up and getting back together, he probably appreciates that you simply are not ready for marraige.  

What's sad is that you felt a sense of entitlement.  You felt that you could use those companies to get what you wanted right at that moment in time.  Whatever you spent that money on... clothes, a car... big screen tv... was that momentary satisfaction as important as what you are feeling now?  Now you've got a guy telling you that he doesn't want to spend his LIFE with you, beause you bought Eight Hundred Thousand dollars worth of doo-dads.  Do you even USE that stuff anymore?  How much of the things that you put on that credit card were things like dinner dates (you ate, pooped it out, and now you still have the debt PLUS the interest)?  

Reccomended reading:  Cashflow Quadrant by Robert Kiyosaki.  

If you REALLY love this guy, and you want him to "overlook all the mess", you should prove that you want to try to fix it.  READ THE DARN BOOK.  Start to try to fix things.  If you don't read it, (which I have a feeling you won't), you're showing that you actually DON'T care enough to fix the problem that's keeping you two apart.  Lazyness and lack of financial IQ got you into this situation.  Fix it now, or forever hold your peace.

******** answer to your additional question directed to me******

NO, you don't go find a richer man to help you pay off the debt.  Wouldn't that be against your whole "marry for love" philosophy??  

This actually is YOUR problem, and there are LOTS of ways to get out of it.  You have to start by OWNING IT, only then can you BEAT IT!!!  Are you aware that you can settle debt for pennies on the dollar?  Did you know that after seven years of an item being on your credit report, if your debt has not been sold to another collecter, you can just HAVE IT REMOVED??  Just like that!  Without paying a PENNY!  How many of your debts are over 7 years old?!?!?   The TRICK to this is that as a debt ages, companies may sell it and thusly it is renewed, HOWEVER... in YOUR case, many companies have probably given up.  This is common with people in big time debt.  My best suggestion is to enlist the services of a credit councelor.  You can actually find people who do this FOR FREE.  You need to see a CURRENT COPY of your credit so you can find out whats been bough/sold and what is over 7 years old.  Then you need to start contacting the companies to either have the debt removed, or to negotiate a "pennies on the dollar" settlement.  I would reccomend doing this with the INDIVIDUAL companies rather than a consolodation, because that may wind up getting you in deeper if you don't read the fine print, but TALK TO A CONSUMER CREDIT COUNSOLER!  

STOP being lazy, make ONE PHONE CALL and start the ball rolling.  Rather than being angry and on the deffence about your situation, wouldnt you prefer to be PROUD that you CONQURED IT!??!

This is a link to CCCS- they are FREE:

http://landingpages.moneymanagement.org/...

Answer 4

Girl I was thinking the same as the others on here but I dont wanna sound rude. Look at it this way you better off without him because whatever happen to richer or poorer. If you wasnt in debt and got into debt like that after the marriage he would probaly want a divorce rather than work it out. So be thankful you're seeing the real him now than later. If he truly love u he  would stand by you and say baby we are going get thru this together but lets have an extended engagement until we pay some of it down But truth of the matter that would take a lifetime what happen cause I dont think no one wants to be in your shoes. It will get better just pray ask that the lord be with you. Youre going to be alright good luck!

Answer 5

You said "Only 800k."?! No wonder! He doesn't want that too!

Answer 6

Drop that zero and get you hero!!! My thing is this; after break ups he comes running home to you....seems like he wants a someone to fill his sexual needs; or whatever it is that keeps him running back...You're good enough for him to come back but you're not good enough for him to marry you. Debt shouldn't have a thing to do with love; we all have done something in our pass....I wouldn't put any pressure on him; because then he wouldn't be genuine. Furthermore, I wouldn't want to marry a man that didn't want to marry me...PERIOD!

Answer 7

Eight hundred thousand dollars is not ever "only", especially when it comes  to debt. If you two keep breaking up, why should he be expected to marry you and join his credit with yours, only to break up again and wind up stuck with your debts? Just because YOU want to marry him, it doesn't mean that he has to want to marry you...

If you truly loved HIM, you wouldn't want him to become enmeshed in your mess!

Answer 8

I am marrying into debt, but with the understanding that it will be paid for, by him. I have worked very hard to not go into debt and won't allow someone else's to bring me into it. Ill bet he feels the same. Children are a huge responsibility and maybe he isn't ready for that. Ask him for details, and go from there.  AND think about what you said. Do you really want him to "overlook" that you have a child?

Answer 9

Love does NOT concur all.  That is a HUGE problem you have and if he marries you, that becomes his problem.  If he marries you, then his whole life could be screwed up by your debt.

Your child probably has nothing to do with it but the debt does and I wouldn't marry anyone with a debt like that.  If he marries you, neither of you will ever be able to buy a car or a house or get a credit card or have any credit and credit is very important, no matter what some may tell you.  And he would become responsible for paying your debt.

In this case, love doesn't matter.  You may just have to settle with living with him.  I doubt you'll find anyone to marry you with a debt like that.

If you love him, why would you want to do that kind of damage to him??

Answer 10

go file bankruptcy....duh!

Answer 11

Was it fraud that got you into this situation?  Can you go to court on any of this to get out from under it?  Or did you rack this up yourself?

Your remark about "should I get a richer guy" leads me to believe that you feel you deserve to be taken care of.  I'm sorry, but if you got yourself into this mess, you have to dig yourself out.  And the remark about having a child to support, well, lots of people have that.  I never asked anyone else to pay for my children.

Answer 12

Sweety, would you want a man who you knew was completely broke???  Once you get married your debt becomes his debt...even though its actually all yours.   Money issues destroy marriages, and honestly, you arent ready for marriage.   It seems as though you are thinking selfishly.   Put yourself in his shoes.   What exactly do you think a marriage is?  You just want the title.   It's only a fantasy.  Wake up and see the realties of life girlfriend.   You obviously have serious issues if you are that much in debt,  and if you pressure this man into marrying you, he will leave you.   Get your act together, thank God you have someone in your life that is good to you and your child.   Think about it this way, when the Government takes all your money away, at least they wont be able to go after his money, because you guys are not married...now like I said once you guys marry thats a wrap.

Oh yeah and one more thing, marriage isnt proof that he loves you....what does for you and your child, and how he treats you is how he proves what he feels for you.  Many marriages are fake and some people marry for money.  You dont have to worry about that though...Love is not a piece of paper.

Ok hun, so you were married before, and so I am assuming that you incurred this debt because of your ex's fraudulent activities?   So don't you realize by now how badly marriage can affect you?   I guess marrying a rich man would solve all your problems, however, there's one in a million chance of that happening.   Instead of worrying about marriage at this point, think about maybe finding a lawyer to file bankruptcy.   Do something to better yourself, dont involve someone else into your mess.

Answer 13

800k!??!

Answer 14

Ok im really hoping you got a typo in there and you meant $8,000 not $800,000 as you stated.

Im guessing though that it was $800,000 going by your boyfriends reaction to your debt.

When you marry someone it should be because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them, I can see why he would have doubts about your future together when you already have debt- if you get married then he is legally entitlef to half that debt, which is ALOT to ask of someone.

Perhaps you could talk to him about getting a pre nup or some sort of property agreeement so that hes assured he wont be affected by your debt.

If he still says no then my guess is that his love just isnt strong enough to want to marry you.

Answer 15

Sorry but I don't blame him!!!!

He gets to be an instant dad and is now responsible for your debt! I personally would NEVER marry someone in this situtaion. Smart guy you found!!!