My Boyfriend Told Me He Needs Space and Time To Gather His Thoughts... What do I do??? Please Help!?

Question

This past Friday, my boyfriend and I had a stupid argument. It started over my feelings about money. I asked him to buy me something and he related to me that he wasn't sure if he would have enough to get it. I caught an attitude because of this and when asked what was the matter I kept saying "nothing" because I didn"t wanna stress it and just wanted it to pass. I told him that it only seems like he brought up not having enough money when it was conveinent. He was hurt by that and he related to me how could I think of such a thing when he just told me all the things he has to pay e.g. rent, bills, etc etc. I realized my mistake right after I mentioned it, but then he started hollering and getting angry and I started hollering and getting angry, we both retaliated and that just opened the gates... During the argument he said the way I acted was immature (which it was, I grew up a lil spoiled), I need to communicate a lil better, I made him feel like c**p, and he thinks I'm not happy with him. Right after we were done arguing he left for work and called me so we could talk an hour later. I asked him if he still loved me, he said of course. I asked him if he wanted to take a break of break up, he said thats not what he wants, but that something has to give because he is tired of arguing over dumb stuff. He said we've been spending all our time with each other, which we have and I realize that its not healthy. I called him later that day, but he was at work and said he'd call me later that night...

Saturday we didn't really talk... He was busy at work and was going out with his best friend later that night, but told me I could stop past tomorrow...

Sunday, I went to his house to pick up a few things and to talk to him. He reiterated what he told me previously and told me that he feels like he needs space and time to gather his thoughts. He says he loves me, kissed and hugged me, and still called me "babe". I asked him should I not talk to him, he said no thats not what he wants. Before I left I made sure to let him know that I support and respect his decision for space, that I love him and that I'm happy with him. When I was about to leave he said asked for me to text him when he got home and call him later. I texted him when I got home, we talked through texts, but I felt he was being very short with me...

Now its Moday, 9/1/2008... My main concern where I'm confused at is this... I see where I was wrong and I want to work on this situation. It's not the first time he's needed his space, I understand he needs his from time to time, but we've always bounced back and it seems like its always an argument that stirs things up. He said he needs time to think and I definately want to give him the time. What more can I do to show that I love him and need him? I know I'd change and be better if he gave me another chance. I really dont know what else to say or do... He said he still wants to talk to me, but should I continue to call him and text him or give him the space he wants? And if I give him the space he wants, how long should I wait until I talk to him?

I'm so confused, the anxiety of the situation is what made me write out my feelings in this post. I just wish this was all a bad dream...

Answer 1

Do you think he could be seeing someone else?  It seems you detect that something is going on, because you were not sure if he was telling you the truth that he didn't have enough money to get you what you want.  

If I were you I'd try very hard not to contact him.  Maybe he will start to miss what was good in the relationship.  I know it is very difficult waiting, but he'll probably be wondering if you have moved on perhaps yourself.  That may make him want to continue your relationship.

I think he probably knows you well enough now to determine if he wants to continue.  I don't think that anyone would break up based on a silly argument alone.

Try, as hard as you can, to get involved in some activities you enjoy.  Maybe when he sees how much you are enjoying yourself, he'll realize what he is missing.  If not, you'll have the opportunity to develop yourself and make new friends.

Answer 2

This is not a problem that is uncommon, which may surprise you somewhat.

Both of you have other friends? surely. Why not spend time with them as well so that you are not always together, and thus will have different things to talk about, as well as giving you that breathing space that is so essential.

Firstly, however, you need to sit down together, ina private where you won't get disturbed, and talk this issue through.

Arguing and fighting, especially if you don't get to the root of the problem afterwards, wrecks relationships. It never hurts to hold your hands up and admit you were wrong, in fact when an apology is sincerely meant, it's amazing how it can smooth ruffled waters, and then the making up afterwards is so much the better, but once an issue is resolved, then it stays dead and buried. Don't bring it up in the future in an argument to score stupid brownie points, particularly when you know it will hurt as much as a kick in the whatsits.

Good luck ,

Mike t.

Answer 3

Well honey you do sound spoiled and a little difficult and immature.

Everyone needs their space, it gives them time to breathe and to bring something fresh into the partnership.

When you next speak to him tell him that the argument made you see the error of your ways, that you are sorry you asked him to spend money on you - and tell HIM like you told US that you are a little spoiled and it has taken the argument for you to see this.  Tell him how you feel about him without getting soppy and over emotional and then give him his space - which might mean not texting him for a day or two.

You've taken this to the edge I feel.  Even the good guys have enough in the end.  Try being a bit more mature and bit less clingy - and if you want something buy it yourself!  Presents are given out of love and wanting to surprise someone not because they are asked for!!

Good luck with this because unless you can change I think you are going to need it.

Answer 4

Just let him alone.... sometimes being pushing him will push him away more,  try to understand!   He's not trying to hurt you, basically your getting on his nerves! And he's trying to tell you that he needs a break!  Go do something with your friends and take some time to reflect on yourself... really if u want to change then u better before you lose him.   You cant just say your sry and it be ok,, sometimes sorries just dont work.. he knows your sorry and he needs sometime away from you. Give him his space and wait for his call, he will call one way or another. Be patient and be an adult! Thats what he wants!

take care and i hope everything works out

Bonnie J