My Boyfriend won't stop smoking! HELP!?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now..before I met him he started smoking and I didnt mind it too much until I fell in love and realized I wanted him to be healthy in our future and for our kids. I came from a family that smokes and I watched several of them pass away around me. So he stopped smoking for 4 months and started up again. He promises me he will stop when we have kids, but he already broke the promise that he will never smoke again. Plus, I dont want to be paying medical bills and watching the one i love with get a disease. help! what should I do?

Answer 1

If you came from a family that smokes, and watched several pass away, then you should have known better than to hook up with a smoker. Right? So you only have yourself to blame. I hate to tell you this, but you can't change a man, once you knew what he was like. You either have to accept his as is, or leave him for a man that doesn't smoke. Hopefully doesn't smoke. Sometimes I wonder about you non smokers.

You first want one thing, then later want another. Make up your mind.  

Answer 2

We're all going to die one way or another.  Skin cancer, plastic in bottles, air pollution.  At least he is dieing on his own terms and enjoying it in the process.

Answer 3

It's a d**n hard habit to break and nagging and extracting promises isn't a good idea because those promises will be broken -- the addiction is too strong. He'll stop when he's ready, if he's able.

For that reason, I suggest you change your approach to a supportive rather than an aggressive one. The typical smoker is still feeling withdrawal symptoms at four months and these can go on for up to two years. And having even a single cigarette puts you right back where you were. So it's very easy to slip and the average smoker has to try quitting several times before it sticks. Success can be a mult-year process.

I suggest you mention Chantix, that you've heard that people have had great results with it. It really can help.

Answer 4

At some point you're going to have to come to the realization that you will only want to be with him if he quits smoking.  I would tell him what you think about him smoking and why you want him to quit.  Give him a few months to try and if he doesn't put any effort into it I would give him an ultimatum - give him 3 months or so to quit or you break up with him.  It may seem a little harsh and depressing to think this way, but you have to look into the future - If he isn't willing to quit smoking for you and your future family, are you really willing to make the comprimise to stay with him?

It's important to let him know that his smoking isn't only hurting him, but you as well.

Answer 5

It's his choice. I'm sure he understands the health risks. I don't think he plans on stopping anytime soon... you have to decide if you want to deal with him smoking and possibly costing a lot of money in medical bills and getting diseased, or if you want to break up. Considering he quit and started again, I doubt he will really quit when you have kids.

Answer 6

Tape pictures of diseased lungs and rotten teeth from smoking all over the house (or his house) whichever.

Throw his smokes away.

Answer 7

You can not do anything.....you know he smokes you fell in love with him and had kids with him knowing he is a smoker....

The more you nag the more he will stress and lie to you to get you to knock it off.

Women always feel they can change guy's after they feel "they have them". Be oh so careful.....

He has to see for himself that smoking might hurt him, and it might not. Never bring up George Burns who smoked and lived over 100.

Leaving him will be the only thing that will truly work to get what you truly want, that is to not live with a smoker.

Answer 8

Good on you for being worried about your boyfriend. I too had relatives pass away from smoking and that convinced me to quit.

This is a tough situation because at the end of the day it is his choice to whether or not he quits smoking.

All you can do is keep trying to convince him. Smokers are stubborn people (I know because I used to be one of them).

Let him know how much you love him and the pain you will go through if you were to lose him. Remind of how you felt when you lost relatives. Does he really want to be responsible for putting you through that again. Putting your man through a big guilt trip is a hard thing to do but it may be your only option.

If you can, try to guide him to our blog. It has some really great ideas and information. This may help to convince him.

Don't listen to those who say stop trying. Never stop trying, if you quit then he sure as h**l won't.

Good Luck, I hope you are able to convince him