My Butler has died , I wish to have him buried in a environmentally friendly fashion . Can I have him mulched?

Question

If so who would preform this service , and how environmentally friendly is it?

Answer 1

No, you're not allowed to do anything that benefits the environment until a law is passed requiring it.  You must stick with the older method, and have him shot out of a cannon.

Answer 2

Make sure that your butler has been classified as "dead" from your local hospital before doing anything.  It would be a shame to mulch your ex butler, then get arrested because the local authorities believe that he died from the mulching process instead of by natural causes.  Also obtain written permission from his family.  Graverobbing is a horrible charge also.  You may need to obtain your local governments permission to mulch him into your flower bed, so while your waiting on the local township to decide if you can do it or not, you may want to preserve your ex butler in a freezer.  I would not suggest hanging him off a hook though, some may find that a bit rude.  After obtaining the neccessary permissions, have your head chef dice the poor dead bloke up and rototill him into the ground.  Wood chippers make such a horrid mess blowing blood and chunks of persons everywhere.

Answer 3

Sir, A plethora of wonderful suggestions here.

In my country we have people in pin stripe suits dispose of

expired employees quite often by throwing them in to the sea.

A butler makes an excellent fish food. You can then feel proud that you have done your part being ecologically responsible.

Answer 4

My Dear Sir,

Deepest sympathy to you..  butler mulching ... it sounds rude doesn`t it ?!!  OOh err !!  I suggest you put him in a  MIRACLE GROW-BAG   and hope he comes out in the spring ...!!

Answer 5

The trouble with mulching is that the process consumes so much energy.  Whilst one obviously does not associate with these eco-green types, one does have to pay the electricity bill and, when all said and done, the chap was just a SERVANT.  He was paid an appropriate wage when alive.  That ought to be enough.  Frankly, one has a certain responsibility not to mollycoddle these people as it raises expectations among the serving classes.  Perhaps your gardener could place the remains on the compost heap where nature will take its course, thereby enabling your late butler to repay part of your past generosity by fertilising next year's vegetable crop.

Answer 6

Some of your questions just crack me up.

Answer 7

This question has been addressed in the movie 'Fargo'. A corpse is mulched using a wood chipper. I can only assume the gardener would perform the service. Unfortunately, even as we decompose, we produce co2 which as we all know helps to warm the globe. I hope this has been helpful.

Answer 8

these questions make me laugh

Answer 9

far better and cheper then mulching is to have him fed to the pigs on your estate. Get rotters bongo to shave his head and remove teeth for the sake of the piggies digestion. then your game on the pigs will go through bone like butter and a full grown pig can go through 8lbs of uncooked flesh in 2 minutes - hence the expression as greedy as a pig. Another piece of advice from this is always be wary of a man who owns a pig farm.

Answer 10

How absent minded for a senior servant to die like this, I hope it was not during his duties.  Was it the lateness of breakfast that you noticed?  Don't leave it to late to say who will fill his shoes and bowler in charge of the entire parlour floor or your brandy will not arrive today!  Oh and my advice is to have his uniform off and cleaned ready for the next one as a gesture of recycling.  

I suppose the valet is after the job and so get him to prove himself by doing the service you mentioned for you (he probably poisoned him with nanny's "cookies" to better his position in the household anyway).  Mulching is an excellent environmentally way of disposing of old butlers, but in your case be aware of the alcohol/acidity of the mulch and get it put under the rhododendrons.  

ROFL  (procrastination is nothing without your wit)

Answer 11

Why not provide some much needed trade for your local taxidermist and have the display amongst the African game trophies in your smoking parlour?

Answer 12

far too squashy to use as mulch! i understand the best vines grow when planted over a pit containing a dead horse, perhaps you could start a vinyard.

Answer 13

Why have him buried when you can have him stuffed? You may remember that a few years back wooden carvings of butlers holding trays or holding umbrella containers were quite popular among the middle class riff-raff. You could possibly be the first among the elite riff-raff to own a truly life- like butler statue to receive coats, use as a drinks stand, whatever minor services the dead can do for the living. Besides, I'm quite sure that he won't ask for wages anymore. And another thought: if you've been attached to your butler for lo these many years, why should you have to part with him simply because of death? Contact your better-class taxidermist and insist on several layers of polymer being applied to the finished butler. Does he have family? Think how pleased they will be to come visit their dear one, when allowed.

Answer 14

I suggest a compost heap would be better

Answer 15

This is a very interesting idea. In Zimbabwe we occasionally do this, but the people are usually still alive. As they are only Matabele anyway, and the people who mulch them are state employees from CIO, nobody thinks it is strange at all. Was your butler a Matabele? There are many ways of mulching people, but I have found that using a T-55 tank is a very good one. It is not however very environmentally friendly.

Have you considered eating him? We do this very discreetly here. It is very environmentally friendly. First you must gut him and drain him, and hang him for a week until he matures. Then he will be ready. Use your favourite pork recipes.

Answer 16

You English folks is funny!

Answer 17

Check with local authorities if it is legal in your area.

Answer 18

I'm sure once he's been passed through the garden shredder, he'll be a suitable addition to the filthy rotting vegetation in one's vegetable plot.

As for who would perform this service, one's gardener of course, surely that's why one employs such an unkempt individual?

Answer 19

Cremation is the answer!!!

Anyone you want can do the service!!!

Call me, I can say "green" stuff as you put him in the flowers.

Answer 20

I understand that Absolute Rotter's henchman Bongo spent a few years pressing grapes in the Loire Valley.

I'm sure you could hail a favour with Rotter and arrange for Bongo to reaquaint himself with his pressing skills?

Give him the corpse and a four foot wide copper drum, and you'll have the departed servant liquefied in no time.